#107: Janet Tamez

0:01 Welcome to another episode of Come Together and We're Live. Welcome back. How's it going? Welcome. Thanks so much for coming, Janet. It's good to have. You. Thank you. Do you wanna tell me a little bit about actually, I'm gonna, I could introduce the fact that what popped out to me on your LinkedIn profile was that you're a writer and a teacher. And that really that that strikes me because I rate a lot in my free time. And like my, you know, my degree in college was in creative writing and literature. I love writing and I love teaching and I teach part time. And, you know, I find it, I find it really important to make time to continue teaching.

0:49 And I think education is on the most important things in the world. So from there on, you tell me a little bit about yourself. Yeah, I kind of like went into teaching. It just happened. Like my degree is in English. Your degree is in English as well, right? Yeah. Creative writing. So creative writing, that's the same thing. I, I studied at the University of Miami and then I just kind of, I did some copywriting work right after and then I just kind of went into teaching somehow and just stayed there. But then eventually, like now in my 40s, I was like, I, you know, I just thought I just wanted to go back to what I really loved and which is publishing and literature and book. So I did a career change and I just earned my master's this way and.

1:36 Congratulations. So exciting. Wow, was that was that tough to do, to go back to school? It was because I didn't leave teaching. I was still like working full time and I was, you know, taking classes and I, I didn't want to drag it out, but so it was, it was tough, but. Tell me about what that would tell me what that how, how, how the balance was. So you're taking what kind of classes were wait, So what was the masters in? And then what were the kind of classes like and how did you balance it with your with your life? Because that's why I feel like, at least for me, I like every time I think about grad school, I'm like, I don't have time. Like, you know, work and this and teaching and my family and I have two kids and any of a family and, you know, how do you do it?

2:23 It was it was hard, but you know, like my husband, he would take the kids. I'm like, I need like a few hours at home by myself, take the kids. I don't know what you're going to do. You know, he would just take them because my son plays soccer. So, and that's kind of what brought us, you know, we just came back from, you know, Mexico because we spent a year in Mexico for my son. So anyways, while we were in the United States, he would take my son to to play in the field and take the other kids and they would run around and, and that's what how we would manage. Right. It's crazy. It's very patient of him. How many kids do you have? I have 4:00, it's awesome. It's awesome, it's awesome.

3:06 And the boys, girls. Yeah, I have both 2 like 2 boys, 2 girls. Oh, nice. Yeah. And I kind of have them 10 years apart. So they, the older ones do help out the younger ones. And sometimes that that's how I did manage my studies. Like I'll have my older kids take the younger ones to like the park. Like, you know, there's a little park in the community. Like, OK, I need some time. I have to log into class, go take the kids to the park for like 2 hours. And you know, I'll let you know. I'll text you when I'm done. Totally be able to have that when when I was in college, there was a rabbi that was on campus and he had like without that exaggerating, I think like 6 kids under 10.

3:52 And I was like, how do you, how do you do it? And he's like, and, and, and, and I'd watch as the weeks went on because I'd, I'd, I'd visit on, you know, I'd go to services and stuff and I'd watch his kids. And the five year old is helping the three-year olds cross the street and looking both ways. And then the 10 year old, you know, meets them at the door and is running around with food for everyone and helping throw food away. And it's so cool just to see like, you know, like when you have that kind, when you have the need for responsibility, even kids step up, you know, even like, you know, 3 or 4 year old who really step up and and help out. It's really cool. Yeah, for sure. Because there were times when I, you know, my kids were in school and I have the two younger ones at home homeschooling then like my last semester. And I'm like, listen, I need you guys to go upstairs and don't come down, you know, and then like, and, and they would know, they would kind of understand.

4:45 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're intuitive too. I've known you know, which is which is really cool. So you so you so before teaching you originally, you originally started with writing. You wanted to be with your English degree? Yeah, with with. OK, so you that's what caught you first. You want to be a writer? Yes. What kind of writing do you like to do? I like creative writing, so yeah. So right now I'm like, starting to focus more on blog writing and I am working on a novel that I like. Yeah. So I'm kind of editing that and that's, you know, another project.

5:25 What's your relationship with editing? Because I hate editing and some of my other friends who are like great writers love to edit. They say that's their favorite part. What I like about writing is catching the spontaneous thoughts and ideas in my head and writing them down. And so to me, editing is almost like a different type of skill. It's a different type of of job, you know. Yeah, I think editing for me requires that like, which requires less mental work. I think the creativity is like when I have to write creatively, I can't have any distractions. But when I'm editing and it's all in the pace and I can, you know, I can have some busyness going on around me, some distractions, I can do it with my kids. But if I'm writing like, and I'm like writing the story and it's just very raw.

6:13 It's like I don't, I have to find a space where there's nobody around me, so. We can get in the zone. Yes, exactly. Gotcha, gotcha. So what was University of Miami like when you were there? Because I actually just went there recently to interview a professor there and she'd and she'd been there, she'd gone to school there and she was telling me about some of the changes that have happened since the 80s, you know, at University of Miami. But would you, what was your experience like there? What was it? What were the What was it like? That's funny you say that because I, I like, I got an alumni magazine and it was like showing all the articles of like, you know, 100 years of, UM, and, and all the football team and the, the library.

6:57 So it does have a really long history. But when I was there, what I can remember most was I guess the creative writing department, my professors, they were really cool and they would allow me to kind of sit in on the, on their graduate classes. So I was an undergrad and knew how serious. Yeah. So it was really cool to kind of sit in and actually like I would participate in the assignments. I wouldn't get graded because I'm not officially in the class, but yeah, I would, you know, do it. And, and so they were really open and flexible about just letting me sit in their grad classes. So I, I kind of, you know, they had. That experience too, by the way.

7:38 Yeah, I wonder if that's, I wonder if that's an English thing, because I think that like I had professors that would just like, if I like them, I would just pop into all their classes and, you know, they'd welcome you and they'd be. And then, you know, and they'd be like, you know, we're happy you're here. And like, if you're here to learn about things that you're interested in, then like, come on in, you know, like, who cares about, who cares about the grade? Like if you want to learn, you want to hang out, then hang out. One thing I, I realized recently, because I, I was, I'm always trying to think about ways to kind of be a better teacher. I'm not, you know, I, I, because I have to figure out how to balance time and to be a good teacher, you really need to invest a lot of a lot into feedback, a lot into grading, a lot into responsiveness. Like that's most of where kids learn from is, is, you know, the, the response to their own behavior. I feel like because that's what they're all they're focused on, you know, like, you know, I remember I, I just as a student, I would, I would never care about anyone else's work. You know, I'd want to know what, you know, what I was doing and then what I could do better or worse, you know, whatever I was doing.

8:42 And I told. And so I told the students, like, I'm here because I'm excited to be here and because I want to volunteer my time and like, do this, but you guys aren't coming at this from the same place as me. You guys are here because you have to be here and because your parents will kill you if you're not here. It's like you don't feel like you really you should be there, you know, and like, you don't really care whether you're there or not or what's happening in class. And so I think it's so refreshing that, you know, for professors, when you see that people are willing to, you know, take a graduate, you know, take a, you know, go to college and get a higher degree in the English language or, you know, creative writing. Like they know that you're doing that because you want to be there, you know, And so, and, and so they know that you're going to be like excited and invested and you want to learn. And like, I think that that's kind of what the value of that world is, is like, you know, like you're not there because you have to be, because it's going to hook you up with a good job afterwards.

9:34 Like it's notorious for not doing that, you know, but you do it because of passion. You do it because you love it. Yeah, it's true. Like even now, like in my master's program, you know, they're, they do the best that they can to try to pace you for work. You know, there's mentorship, mentorship and internships, which I couldn't do the internships because I was, you know, I had a full time job as a teacher. So, you know, I, I did a lot of mentoring, but I think they really want to help you succeed. But what do? They do. Well, my, my schooling was online, so they would, I would meet with like a publishing professor like every month and just talk to them.

10:21 They would tell me their journey. And a lot of their journey was just like, you know, good luck, honestly. Like, you know, and I'm like, I'm, I'm going to school. I'm, you know, working, you know, hard to get in this field. And like, you have the story of this guy who's like, goes to the bar and meets somebody who just so happens to work like in this great publishing house. And it's like, come apply, you know, like. And then, you know, all these stories that I'm like, wow. It's just like, really good luck, you know, how these people get in. Yeah. So, you know, it's it was a little bit like, it's heartening, but, you know, I'm. I'm so I'm still trying to get my first publishing job and that's why I'm doing a lot of blog writing because I think, you know, I have to like a lot of people kind of do like do entrepreneurship and try to make their way. If they can't get into a publishing house, they'll just kind of, you know, self publish or write, write their own stuff and kind of, you know, go through that route. You have to learn how to be kind of flexible in the writing career.

11:26 Yeah. So why don't you, do you know how the publishing process works to get your work submitted? Yeah. What's the process for that like? So for people who are interested, you definitely have to research the publishing houses and see if your work matches theirs because a lot of the times when you get rejections is because your work is not like what they want or what they're looking for. You know, you have to. So once you have, you can see it. And if there's open submissions, you can, you know, submit there's like, you know, guidelines for how to send your manuscripts. It's kind of rare to kind of have open submissions, maybe like small publishing houses who are still looking to publish, but most of the time you'll probably need a literary agent to represent you and submit your work for you.

12:19 So the dynamic is that the writers want them more than they want the writers. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. And because I see, so it's publishing is almost like any other aspect of entertainment in terms of like acting or, you know, directing or anything like that. Like, you know, there's the big people that will give you your jobs. You have the studios, you have whatever. And then you have your agent because you're talented, but no one would have ever have heard of you. And there's so many people out there always trying to get their work submitted and trying to get famous overnight that that a lot of that that they're probably overwhelmed all the time with submissions. That's why I mean, so publishing is the same way.

13:00 So you have. Yeah, it's very elite. It's very elite. And almost like you have to be a celebrity. You have to have like a big following in social media for people to really like want you. That's why that's why, you know, I'm trying to blog, right? I'm trying to like build my audience. You know, you if you have to make yourself like marketable, so it is, it's very elite. You have to, you know, sell yourself basically. It's not just a writing. There's so much more. At the end of the day, it's a business and they want to make sure that if you publish I'm not being somebody's, you have an audience and fans to buy it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I always talk good.

13:40 It's funny. I I love, I, I love live music. I love going to loving. I love going to hear music. And I've always found that like all these like local little joints and local little bars or whatever have these incredible, incredible musicians that come play. And I realized that like there's a lot more talent in this world than there is fame. You know, there's a lot more people that are talented, that are capable that like what publishing or write or do incredible, incredible, incredible creative endeavors and don't. And you'll never hear of them, you know, and they'll be in a local coffee shop somewhere or in the subway or, you know, trying to play on this, you know, trying to trying to busk in Ireland or something like that, you know, and, and, and you'll never know, you know, you'll never hear of them ever again. And like, and then, you know, then you have, you know, you keep on having guys like, what's Harrison Ford, you know, at 95 years old, you know, being cast in movies over and over and over again.

14:34 And you're like, what about all the young? What about all the, you know, people that are like ready to go? What about all the new talent? What about all the exciting young, you know, young potential out there? But I feel like a lot of industries are like that, that they're just kind of like they're hanging on to like the old and they're not letting the new in. Yeah, it's true. You know, like they say in writing, you're not going to get famous, you're not going to get rich off of writing like, you know, like those best sellers or you know, Stephen King. You know, you can't like you have to define your own success. Like what is success for you? Like even if it's just like one small published, you know, publishing house, you publish a book or even self publish because self published is not what people think. It's it's very respectable nowadays. Yeah.

15:22 Like, before it used to be taboo, but now it's like, you know, it's kind of a path into publishing. So yeah, you have to measure what success is for you, especially as a writer, because it's, it's definitely not for, you know, getting, yeah, not getting rich and famous, you know? Yeah, I was just, it's so funny you say that because I was just in Amsterdam last week and I've never been there before it. Was. It was. Awesome. It was such a great place. I've been raving about it since I got since I left, but since I got there even. But one thing I was, you know, and I took a riverboat tour with one of my friends and, and I'm talking to one of the women that was on the, that guys, I was working there.

16:07 And she is Egyptian, Argentinian, That's where our family. And then she grew up in the UAE and we're just talking about like how we enjoyed the pace and like the quality of life. And she was also, I, I think an English or communications major or something like that. She wanted to go into like charity worker and we're talking about how in the states people are just like sell their mothers if they needed, you know, for for to, to get ahead. And like she's like, there's so many artists with integrity here and there's so many, you know, people with like that that don't care about the money and like don't want don't care to be bought out. And they just have their own like what you were saying they had their own measurement of success, you know, in their head.

16:50 Like, listen, success for me is finishing this incredible poem that really describes the way that, you know, the turmoil that I'm going through in this point of my life that my family can't. Like, that's what I think when I write a lot, when I when I capture how I feel, I think one of my kids and grandkids going to read this one, you know, hopefully read this one day. And when they're going through the same thing, like to me, that's successful. Like, you know, I mean, I could, you know, that's that's way more important than getting published and massive success and not being able to walk outside without an entourage, you know, that without the paparazzi or a bunch of people trying to dock you there, you know? Yeah, I had just like the other day, I was like packing up and there was like I saw like this little tote bag that I picked up at A at a book fair in Mexico. And it's like it says at the end of the day or something like that, we all become stories.

17:39 And it's true, like what you're saying. And it's just like, step with me. I'm like, it's true. You know, you're and you want to tell those stories and you have talented writers in your family, You know, that's awesome that can tell the story of your family. And a lot of people do like publish books about their family and kind of just. Yeah, yeah. Just if that's their successor, publishing something that they can pass down. This is your family legacy. This is the story. Because, you know. Yeah. So what's your what's your writing process? How often do you write these days? Or not often? Or when you were writing, what was your process? You know, I think I really got heavily into it when I moved abroad because I where were you this year? This year we we moved to Monterrey, Mexico for my son. My son plays soccer and, you know, we're kind of supporting his career.

18:37 So my husband did. Yeah, my, my husband did live in the Netherlands last year, like the year before. And we were separated. Like he was with my, my son. And then I was with the rest of the kids in the United States. And he was just like, you know, got him in the clubs and doing all that stuff. And then we were trying to figure out what he did. For his career. Yeah. It's really amazing. This year we were like, OK, let's try to figure out how we could do this together, you know, because it was very tough. So we found a way to like do it in Mexico because I'm part Mexican. So I ended up getting my city, you know, you can have your dual citizenship people United States and Mexican. So I, I ended up getting my citizenship, passing it down to my kids and then getting my husband in. And we all like, this happened like in one summer, like, OK, we get all the paperwork and we went and I spent some time teaching English in the schools there. And then like half the year I kind of finished out my masters and just was writing full, you know, just like, oh, yeah. And it takes a while, you know.

19:46 Yeah. I was like, it kind of tapped into, I think when you live abroad, you learn more about yourself. You learn what you don't want to do. And that's when I realized, you know what I really don't want to teach. This is what I love. I love literature. I love I was. And so I kind of just. Focused on writing even more, I started up my blogs again because I would start up blogs and never finish them or not be, you know, consistent because you have to like that's the. Hardest thing with that's the hardest thing with writing, it's the hardest. Thing yes, and and there was a class in publishing that's like it was very important. It's like if you want to be a credible publisher, you have to be consistent. You know you, and that's how you're trustworthy, you know, otherwise, if you're publishing randomly, you're not, you know, you're not going to be trustworthy. Yeah.

20:36 So I mean, that's what I struggle with. But you don't have to set a time. But I was writing a lot, you know, and started up my blog. You, you, you sit down. You just sit down at dark room and you just go for it. Do you need light? Do you need music playing? What do you? Do No. I mean, honestly, I I wish, you know, I read a lot of stories of writers that have their own process. Like Maya Angelou would like, rent a hotel room and write all day. Oh, yeah. And then. Yeah. Yeah. But. That's a change of scenery, by the way, I'm sure. And but she would rent like not a she would rent like in a cheesy, like like a really like sketchy hotel and like, I guess cuz she, you know, to get into the grittiness of her story, like it wasn't like she's like in a night 5 star hotel. She would get a motel, actually, and write. Yeah.

21:23 And then and then I would read some, you know, stories about other writers like Sandra Cisneros, like she got her her fellow, like her grant. And she wrote in one of her favorite books in like the Greek, in Greek, in like the islands of and Greece. And I'm like, well, that's nice. You know, I, I just had to write in the mid sometimes, you know, when the kids are upstairs or the kids are out of the house or sometimes early in the morning, you know, when they're kind of sleeping, but they would wake up, you know, so you just got to do what, what you have to and just kind of right. Sometimes I'd have to stop and then come back to it and attend to my kids and then come back to it, you know?

22:07 Yeah. And then you have to start over, get yourself back in that. Zone. Yeah, you know you're starting. You're in a flow and then you're like, you get up and then you come back and you're like, where was I? You almost wish you could just pick up from like. Exactly. Yeah, I'll be writing in them. And because they're like, I'm hungry. I'm like, wait, can you just wait? And I'm like, you know, but there are some writers that were like, I would, you know, Google, like, can you know, ChatGPT, like, can you give me some inspiration like of, of, you know, mom writers And they like they would tell me, OK, don't worry. You know, these, you know, who was it Harry Potter that the author, she would, she, she would write like in a cafe with her baby in the stroller next to her, you know?

22:53 Yeah. And I think Toni Morrison wrote as a single mom, you know, so there's a lot of writers that do, you know, they do it and you get inspired. You're like, OK, you know, they did it somehow. And as a mom writing and, and sometimes you kind of feel like, you know, there was one. There was a writer, Sandra Cisneros. She's my favorite writer. And I had to remember reading a interview from her and she and a student had written to her and said, I go what, what I think it was like an interview that I read like people are like, what advice you should have as a writer. And one of her advice was like, don't have kids. And I'm like, how can you give advice like, and I love to it broke my heart to read that. But I understood, like where she's coming from because, you know, a lot of, you know, you know, if you're going to be focused on your own, it's, it's hard. But yeah, I was like, Oh my God, you know how this is like horrible.

23:47 I have like 4 kids, you know, how am I going to do this? But. And then I had to find other writers that did have kids and they did do it and like, you know, read their BIOS to kind of get inspiration. Yeah. Like, I could do this. I could do this. Yeah. Totally, totally, totally. That's where music helps me actually. That's a lot of times when I'm going through like particular phases in my life and you know, I kind of, I need that little like push in my head to convince myself that I could do it. You know, a lot of times I'll find music that will match the tone of either how I feel or will like, you know, like Springsteen was like a huge example in terms of, you know, if I was really feeling lost and like I, I was trying to like, figure out my way through life and like, I felt like no one, like everyone else hadn't worked out except for me, you know, or even, you know, like I'm never going to get it worked out. You know, I'd listen to his, I'd listen to, you know, his Born to Run album and like I'd hear that there's other humans, not only though there's another artist out there that felt that way, but there's millions and millions of people for the last 50 years that keep going to his shows because they feel the same way too.

25:00 And like, you know, and like you feel through that and you realize that like you're not the only one out there that's going through this. And like, you could make it, you know, like you could, you could go another day. But even in terms of my creative writing, sometimes, you know, like I, it's always, it's obviously almost like, like a muscle, you know, and, or like, you know, like putty, like you got like really pull at it. And then and then and it gets stretched out. I would listen to Van Morrison and Bob Dylan because they were like, they had these weird, like first of all, the writing, they're like the actual poetry is just bizarre, you know, and, and very spiritual and very retail and like, very like, you know, almost like prophetic. And then Bob Dylan is just a word vomit of like poetry, you know, like he just jams all these lyrics.

25:47 And and so I'll just listen and I'll listen to just the details of the craziness and the wackiness and be like, oh, like that's fun. Like, you know, you could do that. Like, you know, and, and and that really that kind of clicks my brain into, yeah, I do find obviously that like you, you could tell when I finish that there's inspiration. Like you could tell that some of the imagery will tend to match, but that's how I, that's how I get like, you know, the ball rolling for myself sometimes It's music is really, really helpful in that sense. Yeah, I think when you're a creative person, you just tapped into like a lot of different creativity, like forms of creativity, like whether it's music, art, you know? Yeah, I have to get into art. I have to get more into art rather. But yeah, as far as like, I look at, I look at film or I look at certain directors or, you know, yeah, movies, like I watched them as art.

26:41 Like, I watched them as like, oh, what's this guy? You know, one of my favorite examples is Scorsese's Mean Streets. I don't know if you ever saw that movie, but it's it the whole movie. Like Scorsese always did this thing, and that's what made Wolf on Wall Street. I think part of what, like was so cool about it. His style is that first of all, he uses a lot of narration. So he'll have the, you know, the main guy's voice telling you the whole story. And then he'll he'll freeze a shot at one particular moment. And it's usually like a sloppy or degenerate moment to like force the audience to that, like to talk, to force the audience and understanding that this is what's happening right now and this is a pivotal moment. And like all this corruption and all this, whatever, this is the moment where it's starting and this is the moment where it's falling apart.

27:30 And like, he actually will break down the narrative for you, if you're, if you will, if you're willing to open your eyes to it, you know, like he almost like forces that perspective on you. It's awesome. Yeah, movies are definitely an inspiration for me in my writing too. Like when I, when I was doing research for my novel, I would, I would rent a lot of movies that were kind of like the theme of my novel and kind of like the storyline. And I would, you know, analyze the movies. It's a coming of age. So, and it's definitely like, but it has like vibes of like Jersey, like, you know, Jersey girl who wants to like live in the city. So I, I, you know, I got a lot of themes of like, like Mystic pizza was like an old store. Like, you know, I watched that one Jersey girl. Like a lot of these even, or even like stories that were like, you know, rags to riches type of stories I watched. What is it?

28:26 My goodness, I don't know. I can't even think of in the head, but. But yeah. And because script writing is all do you? Watch Personally Being a Wildflower. No, I I heard of that book. That's yeah, the book. The book and the movie are both excellent. They're both great coming of age stories that might be able to help with some inspiration. How long are you working on the novel for? So look, that, that has been a while and I think, and it's really sad because, but I, but, you know, it's not, it's typical. A lot of writers have novels that they've been working on for like years. So I, I started like, it's gonna be like 10 years, but it's not that I have been.

29:14 So I, I like, I started it and then I took a big gap away from it and then I kind of finished the last chapter like this year because I had to like 90% and like that closing chapter I just didn't finish. Yeah. And so and then I finally finished it and now I'm in the editing phase where I have to go back and edit and kind of fix it up. But what? Did it feel like when you finally finished it, when you finished that last? Chapter, it was great because they say that that's like the hardest part is like is finishing your first draft. Yeah, like finishing it completely and then going back and editing is like, you know, it's easier. But yeah.

29:56 And I think like, as I look back at right now, like the time, I'm like that time did help shape the story because I think it would have been different if I didn't have, like, this perspective on. Like it changes, you know, like what you think your story is about, especially time in between, it kind of helps you. Like what is the true message of my story? But yeah, so it. Could be a cool exercise to try to continue the story like on a separate like creative like endeavour to continue. Try to continue the story from the perspective. Try to remember what things were like when you started it, you know, like what your life was like at that point. And then try to continue in that mindset. I don't know if you can, but it sounds like a cool idea. You know, a lot of there's this thing, if you kind of just reminded me, I just discovered it.

30:42 It's called like I think 750 words a day, I think. And it's like it's a website and you have to you go on and you write 750 words. Yeah, sevenits750words.com and you and it and it makes you wake up, I've heard. Of this. Yeah, and then you just write like your first, it's supposed to be equivalent of 3 pages, like your first 3 pages a day. They, they created it to 750 words. And I had read about a writer who kind of like does that as part of her writing routine, warming up or even like giving back on information on like what she's doing that day. So like how you said you can go back and think of like, it's like journaling, OK.

31:25 Like I'm, you know, this morning I had a cup of coffee. I wore my favorite like cats, you know, T-shirt, Broadway T-shirt, whatever. Cuz the details are always what's important in writing. So if you capture little details you can incorporate that in your writing. So I'm trying to make. That makes good writing. There's all. That yeah, yeah. So I'm trying to be consistent with that too. And it's good because it kind of tracks, you know? OK, are you on a streak? You know, it's kind of like it's AI, so it helps you, you know, and I think these AI tools kind of I, I, I like it. I do like the old school journals because I had journals back then when I was in college.

32:06 But I do like this because it helps me know, OK, I, I missed like 3 days, you know, I have to let me go back. Yeah. Yeah, totally. I think AI is great for collaboration. I think it really is. I think that like, you know, for anything, you know, for writing for, you know, for my podcast, for, for even for business. I was talking to my brother-in-law about this because we were talking about his family's from Philly originally and then they live in in Jersey now in in Passaic area. And we're talking about how you like, we will all the steps that it takes to that it used to take to write, to brainstorm, to, you know, to get to get leads for sales, for customers, for for anything you want to do, for marketing, for networking, All that could be done in a fraction of the time, in a fraction of the time with AI, you know what takes people.

33:04 Years. Of like networking, like even with this podcast, right? Like with my podcast, I just went to AI was like, listen, I'm interested in XY and Z, can you please crawl my podcast site for the types of guests that I have and give me 10 recommendations of people or types of people to talk to. And that saved me and what would have taken me what I know, because until I thought of doing that, I was literally spending 3-4 hours a night, you know? Just. Looking up just to send out five or six emails to people to introduce myself. And it does this in a matter of seconds. And so like, Oh my God, now I have more time to do everything I've, you know, so, so I think that if like what we're going to need now it with AI, if we use it as a good like companion, it's just a discipline to actually use the tools, like the tool, like all the information is being given to us.

33:52 And the question is, are you actually going to pick up the pen in right now? Are you going to, you know, actually open the docs and and, you know, do and and do the creative writing now that you have? These ideas. Now that you have this assistant, you know. It's true because now like, you know, writers sometimes like your writer, you just want to write your story. You don't want to like focus on like my social media post because and, and social media is so important as a writer, you know, developing your presence, but if you're managing your social media, you can't get back to your, your writing and what you really want to do. Yeah, totally. I, I that's what I'm stuck with right now. I'm trying to figure out how to, you know, I, I can't, I have such a, I have such a hard time.

34:33 And I also don't care for, to, you know, to deal with social media. And I know how unhealthy it is for my, for my brain. Even something stupid like I leave a comment on something on Twitter, right? And I get 2 responses into the most vehement, obnoxious responses to something that was, you know, that was just like a polite joke, you know, whatever it is. And maybe it's obviously being misinterpreted and that's, you know, that's fine. But like, just that amount of like yelling and negativity in order just to keep up a presence so that you can continue being creative is crazy. Like, it's crazy you have to deal with that, you know? But that's why, you know, that's why you have to hire some kid to do it. You know, that you have to get, you know, some high school that's looking for an internship or work experience. And, you know, they're doing this anyway. But yeah.

35:25 The AI tools, you know, there's like a, I guess talk and publishing that like AI is taking all the entry level jobs, you know, that they can, they can do like, and they can whip up these like, you know, stories that are, you know, that don't really need, you know, a writer behind it. Honestly, like everyone, I like, I have written a article so far back about like how newspapers were using AI to like dish out news like, you know, because it's straight to the fact there's no creative, you know, you know, very journalistic, you know, like was it the Washington Post had, I think it's called like Paleo or Helio, something that that was their AI.

36:08 But nowadays it's it's true, like, you know, the AI clicks with a lot of the. A ton, a ton. And, and the truth is that like you can discern for sure. I I think like you can kind of tell once you start to realize the pattern, you can recognize like what's AI created or not. It's funny why students try using it. It's so cute. They're like, you know, they're 10th graders and their vocabulary, the level of 6th graders. And all of a sudden they're using words like, you know, oblique. And I'm like subsequently and I'm like, you don't know how to use the word subsequently ever. Man, I don't know what you're talking about, but but but I don't even mind if they use it.

36:50 What I told them is that a kid? What I, and I struggle with this trying to figure out what's the point? Like what are you trying to teach in English If AI is doing all this stuff, like what are you trying to teach? And I think that, and I think for me, the answer is communication and your ability to express yourself, because AI will never really be able to express your own thoughts. And I've known in my life at least, that the times that I've been most depressed or anxious or that things have weighed like life has weighed most heavily on me, is when I could not find a way to express myself or I had the words to describe it. And then like almost once I figure out a way to get it out, then I, once I figure out a way to get it out, the burden is almost like partial, almost like, you know, half of it's gone, you know, like just saying the words and just getting it out like helps you. But until then, it's kind of just living in your head and it just weighs on you, you know?

37:43 Yeah, I think, I think AI really has helped like students who have been like, I guess, you know, below proficiency or, or maybe have, you know, challenges with, with writing because you know, there's, there's everybody has their skill. If they're like, you know, I had I remember there was a student in my class and he you know, he is she struggled with writing and when ChatGPT came up, I'm just like use it, help it write your rough draft and then like always have a rough draft and then use it to level level up and then word edit it from it'll. So I think it does, it does, I guess, help people who kind of, you know, writing is writing is hard and writing isn't for everyone and not everyone is, is a skilled writer. So it does help, you know, it, it helps level up people who kind of really need it 'cause they have other talents that if it can't be seen if their writing is, is bad. So, yeah.

38:54 So I think it like I, you know, when I think of my kids future, you know, my students as well, I'm like, you know, I, I hope that, you know, ChatGPT and things like that can help them become a better writer so that they can succeed in college and, and, you know, use it. But yeah, definitely not plagiarizing, but helping them feel but get the confidence to like, oh, I wrote this, this kind of sounds good. You know, I can't really like do something like this. So, yeah, it is boosting confidence, I think, and helping, you know, being efficient for for writers for, you know, to, you know, focus on the things that they like to do and pick the platforms that they liked.

39:34 Like, like LinkedIn is supposed to have a really good reputation for being a positive platform. Like when in my studies and publishing they were talking about how like different platforms, like the psychology of platforms. That's so. Cool your, your ego, your like the different levels of your psychology and like what each platform does and how like for Instagram and and Facebook, you want to like show your, you're like, I think like super Eagle or something like that. And you want to, you know, show your best self. You're not really being authentic, but you want people, you want to prove your, your like, what people want to see. Like, you know, the outside.

40:14 It's not really true. It's superficial, right? It's superficial, exactly, but LinkedIn is very like you know it. Really is. It's such a positive network. Yeah, I've found. Also like that people are like, it's an awesome tool for network, like really an awesome tool for networking and not in like the lazy. It's funny because I feel like there's a lazy way to network and that's like people that have like those 500 connections, but like don't know any of them are. And like, they just kind of add people all the time, which is like one thing. But. Actually, I use LinkedIn to like find people that have jobs that I think are interesting or like cool, you know, do cool things.

40:54 And then I'll and then like, and then you could just introduce yourself. Like you could like find you can introduce yourself to find you find you find the company e-mail address and you say, Hey, you know, I think what you do is super cool. I'd love to, I'd love to introduce myself and just get, you know, get to know, you know what you do a little bit. And people have been so receptive to that. Like I've really found that even people that don't even want necessarily want to give the time, they'll respond. You'll be like, hey, you know, thanks so much for reaching out. You know, I'm appreciate, you know, I have a ton of my plate right now, but you know, you can talk to my colleague XY and Z or, you know, if you're really interested, here's a couple of resources And you're it's, it's, it's a place that gets so much positive reinforcements. I wonder why it's not more more probably because it's it doesn't give you the same dopamine hit as seeing all the controversy as like, you know, Instagram or face or Twitter or something.

41:43 But they are saying that the young like, you know, high schoolers are kind of going on it more and start like it's it is drawing a younger crowd. That's kind of I guess. Yeah. Yeah. In my in my class, they're talking about it. You know, the the kids are starting to put up, you know, look for internships. They're trying to network already. So. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's a it's a cool tool. It's a really cool tool. What was living in Mexico like this year? So it was, it was a struggle. I think there was, it wasn't like one of those places where you're like, you know, a dream destination, like, you know, like maybe like for me, like I'm like, OK, Europe sounds pretty cool, like it sounds, but but Mexico was, was very rough. You know, there was a lot of things that, that we were going through as far as like, you know, like my son, he was going there for soccer.

42:44 So he ends, he had a positive experience, you know, because he obviously we're, we're thankful he got a really good club. The club really supported him. But, and, and at school too, they accepted him because he's like the American kid. He, he doesn't know any Spanish, but he's learning Spanish and he's very open to, you know, the Mexican culture. You know, he's, he's, he's in love with it, you know, but he did deal with it. They're ready. They like to party. So, yeah, because as I'm driving around, they have ice cream shops, a lot of ice cream shops, a lot of like rental places for like dresses and tuxes for for like the quinceanera, which is like they're, you know, they're coming of age, you know, party that they have, you know, celebration for the young kids. So you have a lot of those businesses, you know, they're it's and then again, everybody is like having ice cream. Like we're driving around at 10 at night and there's like a line of everybody, you know, waiting to get their ice cream till they do.

43:50 They do like to enjoy life. And I did read that it's like 1 of like the top ten places like in the world that kind of they're the happiest. They consider themselves like happy, you know, so you don't really have to have much. You know, it's a very rough like it's not like it's not that pretty. Like there's a lot of like litter on the street is very where I'm at. I was at Monterey. That's and it was. Monterey in the West. The West part. It's right. It's close to like Texas. It's close to which Texas border? Yeah. Gotcha. So kind of central. Yeah, so. Yeah, so it wasn't so pretty. But is it?

44:31 But is it good culture? It was. They're very friendly and, and it would and they like to, you know, they like to really have fun with what they have. And they, you know, on Sundays, you can see that the families getting together, you know, they take out their, their table and the patio and they, you know, pull out the TV and they, they take it outside. They watch the, the games and, and grill and you know, they're, they're kind of every like Sunday. They're getting together as a family and friends doing that, so yeah. Yeah, the last I've noticed. I mean, every single time I've traveled out of the States almost, it's one thing I've noticed almost inevitably no matter where I'm going.

45:13 And I've been to not a ton of places, but you know, let's say six or seven countries outside of the States. The culture is always about or always much more, it's much more social and much more about interaction and community and human, human interaction. Then I then I almost, I've seen almost anywhere in America, you know, like it. It's weird in the supermarket for people to not, you know, just ask a stranger a question about, you know, something that you're looking at or how does this look? Or, you know, have you had this before? And like, I think an American people are afraid to talk to each other. You have your headphones in and you go to the supermarket and like, it's considered rude to like bother someone and ask them a question. How do you know, what are you doing, You know, stop someone in the street and say if you know a good place to get coffee or what could I do here? And like in Europe, it's or, you know, in the other countries I've been to, it's it's the total opposite. You know, like you talk to the bus driver and you talk to, you know, you talk to your cab driver and like you the, the emphasis is a lot more on, on interaction. And I don't know why.

46:14 I don't know what it is about here that we don't do that as much. It's, it's, it's strange to me, you know? Yeah, I, you know, I can say like, because I did spend time like teaching in the classroom. The kids are very, they're very welcoming. They're very friendly, even like where we lived in the community. Like, you know, the kids are playing all the time, like at night, they're in the little playground like late at night. And, and they wanted to, they were very welcoming of my kids who don't speak Spanish. So. And, you know, they weren't afraid to kind of, they're learning. Yeah. They're kind of, you know, yeah. And and they would just even the older ones would like talk to my four and five year old one, you know, and I'm like in a, in a playground in the, in the United States, like the older kids would not be trying to talk to the four and five year old. They would be like, you know, they would play. They were three to themselves or yeah. So it is like, like, like recently, like my daughter started summer camp and I'm like, how was your day? And she was like, good and bad.

47:20 I'm like, what happened? She's like, like that. She asked one of the little kids like, oh, do you want to be my friend? And the little girl was like, I'll talk to you, but I won't be your friend. You know, I'm like, OK, I mean, I get it. But like, I'm thinking like, oh, in Mexico you would have, you know, like the kids are just. I don't think that would happen. I think, you know, they would just like talk and be friends and, you know, kind of be interested. But, you know, I think people are like more, I guess. I don't know, they're more mature or the kids are kind of making like, I don't know. It isn't just just there's a disconnect with like with like, I don't know, I'm with my friend and I'm like, do that, right? Do I do that and be like, no, you know what? I'm going to talk to you, but I'm not necessarily going to be your friend.

48:07 That's like, wow, OK, well. I. When I went, so this trip to Amsterdam, I went with a friend of mine and, you know, and we're trying to get in, you know, and, you know, we get to the airport and when you land, we're walking out of the airport, we're going to try to take a train to our, our, our hotel for the night. And, and it turns out the the subway's down right, there was a worker strike. And so there's a cab driver driving around. So cab drivers are walking on the airport saying you need a cab, you need a cab, you need a cab. So my friend's ignoring them all that. I mean, I'm telling them no thanks, thank you. You know, have a, you know, have a good one. You know, I'm good. Thank you very much. I'm responding to them and it's a very like already like a very almost New Yorker American thing.

48:48 Like someone talks to you, but like, you don't want their services. You just ignore them. You don't. You act like they're like, you know, part of the wall, but. Yeah. You know, and So what so we realized that that the Uber wasn't coming to the airport because it was packed and we realized that the subway was not running. So I so my friends, so I was like, dude, you know, now you burned all our bridges. All these people think you're a jerk. You've been ignoring them because I went up to one of the guys. I was like, you know, what's the cost to get to this place? Give me a ridiculous price, right? And I said, and my friends like, screw you, man. He just walked away and I was like, okay, man, what do you got to be? What can we do? Well, you know, like, what can we do? I know the, I know that you're looking for guys to take to the airport. And I was talking to the guy and then he was like, you know, what, if I can try to get a couple more people in my, in my, in my, in my car, then I could charge all of you a little bit less because I have more work and I have more people that, you know, that I'm taking.

49:39 And we ended up working together to find like 7 different people to get into the cab together. And I feel like that wouldn't happen. You wouldn't get into a cab, you know, with, you know, or most people wouldn't get into a cab in LaGuardia with, you know, with a couple of other people that are saying we're going to Manhattan too, you know, like there's something, there's something about the culture. It's a little bit more like you treat a stranger like they're another human being. You don't treat them like they're a potential enemy. I think that in the States there's a big culture of like, I think that we're so a lot of people are so at each other's throats for so much and so many different potential ideas that like we kind of look at everyone like they're either a threat or they're your best friend in the entire world. And like, there's no middle ground. So I, I think that I think that that could be a lot of what it is.

50:22 And that's a lot of the polarization that comes from social media. And that's a lot of the polarization that comes from, you know, just how vehement so many of our new sources and sources of information is. You know, like, I don't think Europeans pay as much attention to the news as Americans do like that, you know? I think you're, you know, like you raise a good point of like how people like don't want to talk to others, especially if they're sensing they're like gonna sell something. Like I was in, in Lincoln Rd., the same like the other day and there was like a group of kids and, and like they're like trying to fundraise. But I'm, you know, I'm like, I was like, they were interesting to talk to you, even though like, you know, I knew what they were, what they were trying to get to at the end of the conversation.

51:05 But you know, they're, they're being, it's their summer job. You know, I'm like, and they're coming from, yeah, they're, it's their summer job and they're coming from different countries. So like 1 was Italian, one was from Italy, one was from Cuba. And and I'm like, what does it cost for me to just talk to them and get to know them, even though I know they're gonna want what their job is? But but I think they did appreciate at the end, it's just like somebody just talking to them and not just going out. No, I can't. I don't have money. I I was, I was driving. Do you are you familiar with Hollywood at all? Yeah, yeah, for sure. So, so I was driving down route 7 towards the Hard Rock, right? I, I go to synagogue near there and, and on my way down I got, I got stuck by the light.

51:54 There's a big intersection with three lanes right before you cross to the Hard Rock off 7. And, and, you know, there's always people there that are asking for money or asking for help. And, and I, I stopped at the light. My window was down because there's like a month ago and the weather was really nice and I didn't want to roll up my window. There's a woman there that was asking for, you know, asking for some help. And I didn't want to roll out my window and pretend I didn't see her. And, you know, be like that, you know, so I kind of just like looked at her and I smiled and I'm like, I'm sorry, I don't have anything but like, have, you know, like, good luck, have a great day. That's all I said to her. And she was and she just kept on, you know, she's like, thank you. She walked about, you know, up and down to, you know, pass other cars. And she came back to me and she was like, I just want you to know that's all I really like, want like it's just for like a positive. Like she said that just like, just you saying like good luck, have a great day.

52:40 And I'm sorry. Like I wish I could help out and have anything. Just you telling me that made my day. So I just mean so much. Thank you. Like she told me that. And I was like, it's insane that we don't do that on a regular basis because it costs nothing. I felt great, She felt great. And everyone felt like closer together, like, you know, like I thought it was really, I think we need a lot more of that. You're right. There was, I like I read something on that where like there was an article about like this person who had gone through homelessness. He came out of it, but he had said like they don't, they just want conversation. They want someone to like ask them what their name is and like talk to them or just because they're by themselves, just even have a conversation. You know, it means so much to them.

53:23 You don't know everybody's story. You know, I have seen somebody going like, you know, driving too. And they were like selling food. But what I had thought of was, like, in Mexico, there's so many of those like, you know, selling foods, hustling. They hustle, too. That's like a big thing. Like they're always selling stuff on in the street. Yeah. And I'm like seeing this person, he's by himself and I'm like, man, he has. He's pretty brave to do this here because it's not so common like selling the foods here as I would see in Mexico. But it just made me think like, OK, in the different cultures, if he were in his country or it'll be normal.

54:03 And but he's like he's doing. I wonder how he feels. I wonder how he feels like, you know, being by himself here, you know, because, you know, trying to do what you got to do for your family. But yeah, it's, it's just like how different cultures are. And you just kind of like, you wonder how people's lives are in other parts of the world. Yeah, Yeah, you really do. I think that a lot of this is social media. I really do. I think that it's something that I've noticed at least even with myself, you know, I mean, I, you know, I'm so much less social when I have my or your phone is a safety net. You know, your phone, it gives you something to do with your hands. It gives you something to look at if you're standing in line next to someone and you run out of conversation to say it's a safety net.

54:44 And so, but like everything else, like creativity and like writing and like, you know, everything, it's a muscle being being social as a muscle. Talking is a muscle is a muscle, you know. And so if we're not actively working on it and we have almost like an easy way out and we have, you know, these bumpers, you know, like when you go bowling, you have this easy way to kind of like save you out of a conversation or out of feeling awkward for a minute, then you go ahead and do that. But then you know, it comes at the expense of exercising that of exercising that, that, that, that that skill set that you need. So Mexico. So, so Mexico overall, you happy you did it for your kid, you happy you happy to be in South Florida? I am, yeah.

55:27 It's, it's kind of nice to kind of like be in a place where you can relax a bit. It was a little bit like high edge in Mexico. Like, you know, I was always kind of like looking over at my shoulders, like wondering if like the cops are going to stop us because we had, we had American plates, you know, and so like, it's just like a red flag. Yeah, it was a red flag. I mean, all they would, they would stop us all the time because our plates were like American plates. And then they stop you and they kind of like, you know, they, they want, they want to bribe you. And, you know, it's very corrupt. The cops are corrupt. So like, I would get like, I would be scared driving all the time. Like, you know, you would come home from, you know, driving home from a game, a soccer game, and then like the cops pull you over. You're like, oh, goodness, I don't have to deal with this. Like now I gotta do you have money to pay this cop off so you can leave us alone.

56:22 So it was a little bit. Yeah, it is, it is a little bit like it's it's it's scary. And that and that respect is, you know, maybe if I would have had like next full of Mexican car, but the Mexican plates, you know, we wouldn't be such a target. You're. Saying being American just means probably you have money and probably you're going to, you're probably going to be able to, to buy them off. Yeah, yeah, for sure, for sure. So yeah. So if I were to go back, you know, like we would definitely fully like try not to be, you know, said stand out. Yeah, American like have like fully have like a Mexican car so that we wouldn't be pulled over or whatever. But yeah, so like here's like now saying that you don't get pulled over in the United States because you do. They can pull you over for whatever they want. But yeah, but it I think it's just like I it's scarier over there because they can literally say we want your car, you know, like get out, we're taking your car. And you just like, laughed and like, OK, here's my car. Crazy.

57:27 It's really, really crazy. It's really crazy. I want to talk a little bit about parenting because you have 4 kids, which is probably more than I think most people at this point of the country have. I feel like, I feel like people like. Yeah. In today's world, the emphasis is very, very much, you know, not on having family and family is almost looked at as like a hindrance for, you know, for yourself. And I do think I was actually thinking you were telling me earlier about, you know, that the the all your favorite author that said, like, oh, if you want to be a great writer, don't have kids, which is, I think a sad thing to kind of try to spread to other people. But I think that, you know, one thing, one thing I, one thing I was teaching, I last year, I taught my 10th graders about just great creators and great innovators. And we're like learn about the people and all of them are like broken in some significant way, you know, like they're, they have some serious, serious issues, whether it's Steve Jobs, whether it's Elon, whether it, you know, every, any, any, any crazy successful person.

58:33 Is it crazy person as well? You know, and that's part of the reason why they're able to do it. And so I feel like in order to like truly be great about something that comes at some kind of enormous detrimental personal life sacrifice and loss that you know, that like you almost give up your life for the sake of this endeavor that you're that you're creating. But I don't and and I actually, so, but I think that we, I think, I think that, you know, and I think that's having a family scary for a lot of people. I think that the responsibility, you know, thinking about the responsibility and thinking, you know, even hearing you talk about like, oh, I'm trying to write and then my kids are saying you're hungry, you know, like, you know, like you're like, I don't want that.

59:19 But I don't think they realize that how much of A labor of love it is and like how how amazing parenting is. So what, what's in your experience? So how, how old, you know, I guess the general range of the age of your kids and what's it been like parenting boys versus girls and taking them around and all these kind of, you know, what's parenting been like so far? I have, so I have a 14 and a 15 year old and then I have basic a three-year old and a five year old. Nice. So like amazing. Yeah, they're like 10 years apart. And I think, you know, there, there are times where I'm like, you know, you're writing, you're like, Oh my goodness, you know, I don't want the distraction. And you don't have the luxury to kind of just be all, you know, there's writers that can, you know, they don't have kids and they're very productive.

1:00:11 But you know, there's writers who who do do it and you kind of use it. You know, you use your creativity. You're inspired by like everyday life, you know, like being a mom. You know, I would be able to write characters that you don't have a lot of kids, you know, because I can type into my experience. Experience, you know, where people can relate to. But but yeah, I think like you're right, there is nowadays people aren't having, they're having kids later if, if they are, you know, if at all. And and when they do start later, they're not going to have like 4 kids. They're probably have like one or two kids. So they'll have small families.

1:00:53 But for me, I think, I think large families, you're all under one roof. And it's and it's as a writer, I think it's very inspiring to see how everybody in the family has their own talents, has their own dreams. And you're all trying to like, be under one roof and you're trying to help each other, you know? Yeah. Succeed. You know, like, I have my son who's, you know, a skillful soccer player. I have my daughter who's, you know, she's she's talented in art and in singing and in, you know, the creative arts and, you know, and that's why I put my daughter. I came here to put my daughter in like theater camp to say we've been, we've been doing, you know, a lot of stuff for, for my older son.

1:01:36 Let's try to like, do you? Show her your favorite stuff like do you share? Do you share what you love with her? Yeah, for sure. Like, you know, like I would we'll we'll listen to soundtracks of like Broadway, you know, musicals and we'll watch shows like, you know, like back then I, I would like go to like a mom and pop shop and like have their to have the DVDs of like the shows on Broadway. And we were like watch cats or we would watch like into the woods and stuff like that. You know, so we're connect that way. But yeah, you try to find, you know, connect with all your children and their talents and and do your best. I think being a mom is kind of giving. And so like it is hard to kind of be creative yourself.

1:02:20 But I think creativity can be tapped into if you if you can do things that refuel you. Like, if you feel like, you know, you're exhausted, like you said, you listen to music or I might need to, like, exercise and like, you know, you know, kind of get my energy up that way. Yeah. I get myself moving like I need, OK. I need to do, like, a work. I need to go work out, you know, and then, and you have to be in a community for me of other writers. You can't just be by yourself. It's easy to, like, be a mom and just be, like, in my own world with my kids and not get out. I consciously have to make an effort to join like other writing communities to find them online to like log into a Zoom meeting, a webinar, like, you know, the library is doing a webinar on novel writing and plot writing, You know, let me register, let me watch this. And, and, and with COVID, it has helped where you don't have to, you know, physically going and you can like join a webinar And then like if you miss it, which I have sometimes I can like, you know, go back and watch it when, when I have the time, I'll watch the links to the webinars.

1:03:30 But you do have to consciously make an effort to join or other writing communities as a writing. I mean, that's my advice, managing a family and making the time for, for you know, your passion. Yeah, I think it's also cool that I think it's cool how much your perspective and way of thinking changes as you have kids, you know? And like, you know, I was talking to my friend about this yesterday because you were hanging out. I hadn't seen him a couple of weeks. We're very good. We're very close. He lives just down the block from me. And like, we'll do things like, and by the way, and I think more people need to do things like this. Like I'll text him. Like, dude, I'm going to Publix. You want to come? You want to come along? Do you need any groceries? You want to, you know, you want to pick up?

1:04:11 And like, we'll just go together, the supermarket, just hang out for 20 minutes and then go back home and go back to our families and like continue our lives. But one thing, you know, we're talking about, I said, I left my family for, you know, a week and a half. And it was the longest I'd left them before. And it was, I was so sad about them. And one thing I was telling, it was like, I don't even think in the same way. Like I think in terms, I think as a we, I don't think as an I. And you know, when you think as a we, you kind of have like a expanded sense of consciousness that really is like, I think that's what I would call it like almost adulthood. I think that that's like, you know, when people say that America has what's called delayed adolescence, that we're like, we're kids for two or three. You know, the average person doesn't think consider themselves an adult till their 30s now. You know, like, you know, like, I think that that just means that people are kind of stuck in an eye mentality as opposed to a we mentality.

1:05:03 And I think once you kind of switch to a we and you think in terms of, you know, like I'm in Costco, you know, and I pass by my kids favorite snack, I'm not going to not get it. Like, you know, I mean like that I'm not going to get my own thing, you know, at the expense of my kids things. I think as a we, I think this makes me happy and that makes me happy, you know, so I think that the, you know, the, I don't think there's enough emphasis on like the beauty of the new perspective that people get. You literally evolve. I think you evolve as a as a human being. You do it is a self sacrificing and it is, it's greater than you. It's created, like you said, it's not just me or awareness of makes you compassionate to the needs of other people, a better person overall.

1:05:46 You know, it's it's and it's very like scary. So you're always worrying about your kids, even like when they become, you know, when they're older, you're like, you know, like it's a job that never ends, but you know, it's, it's, it helps you grow spiritually. And I mean all the way around some. Do your are your kids mama's boys or or dad or daddy's or daddy's boys or girls? What about do you have like a different dynamics in terms of your kids and your relationship with your with your husband? I would say like my oldest, my, my oldest son, he's definitely going to be like a daddy's boy because my, my husband has been, I mean, talk about sacrifice. My husband does, has done everything to help to put my son in the best place for his soccer career. Like he lives with him in the Netherlands. Just both of them, you know, crazy. By the way, it's such a big yeah, such a. Big I don't think people I, I, I, I think, I don't think that you you say casually it's, it's such a huge deal. It is you know, it would be both of them and and you know, they face some harsh winters and he would take and you know he would take the, the the train and their train transportation system is great.

1:07:06 But you know, they would it was cold outside. You still don't want to. He would like take them to training across town and just do so much. He's done so much even now, like Mexico being here, being even though we're all together. I think Mexico was harder for him because the language barrier in in Amsterdam or in the Netherlands at least they speak, you know, they speak English a lot, yeah. Everyone speaks. English then? Yeah, exactly. But in Mexico, you know, like my husband will like call me on speakerphone. He's like, you know, he's just in, he's in, what is it, Dairy Queen? And he wants to order a Blizzard. And there's a communication problem.

1:07:47 And I'm like trying to communicate to the lady, you know, what my husband wants and like, it's so bad. I'm like, he just like she's just have to go get a ice cream and he can't because something, you know, like there's a translation problem or whatever. But but it has been harder. Sacrifices. Yeah, it. It has, Yeah. But yeah, it's not, it's not especially if you're really going to, you know, put your kids as far as, you know, putting them supporting their dreams. You know, it's easy when it's a comfortable dream. But it like soccer has to be, you know, it can't, it's not really done here in the United States. It's has to be global because the soccer scene is better inside of the United States.

1:08:34 So. And there's a lot of families doing this, like my husband, he's not the only one. Like, you know, he has a friend that you know, their family is like, you know, in Brazil trying to like, and then another one is like trying to move to Spain. A lot of like American families that who have kids who are like trying to do soccer are are sacrificing. It's like this underground world like that he knows about. But there's a lot of them that they're like trying to find a way and a path to have their kids, you know, being in professional clubs abroad. And it's it's not an easy route because they're really, you can't really make a soccer career here in the United States. You have to kind of get out.

1:09:19 And it's a lot of sacrifice. Yeah, it's really incredible that he did that. I I hope your son, I hope your son, you know, I mean, I'm sure he will. I hope your son one day appreciates it. You know, like the I was, I was super emotional the day before I got married. I was, I was almost 26 and I've been, you know, and I and, and I guess in the Jewish world or in the Orthodox Jewish world, it's very common to get married in your early 20s and like 2627 is already considered quote UN quote later for a lot of people. And, you know, and so, you know, I was, but, you know, and it's this big, you know, huge moment that I'm terrified of. And you know, I've no, you know, I mean, I, I have friends already by the age of 26 that, you know, had already been married and gone divorced at that point. You know, like I, I know how challenging, you know, marriage was, is going to be.

1:10:09 And I was, I was terrified leading up to it, but I was also so excited about it. And one thing I just kept on thinking about leading up to it was just like I was thinking about everything, my dad, you know, everything I put both my parents did. But you know, my dad, my, you know, my mom was, was home and raising us and incredible. Like the, the, the, I'm one of six. And like the amount of work that it takes to, to do that is almost indescribable. But you know, for him, like he never, he only wanted all of us to just do whatever made us happy, you know, and that's all like, and, and whatever that was, like he would just work as hard as he could to make, to make that happen. And I didn't appreciate it until I was about to go off my own and be my own person that I was like, I don't even know, you know, like I'm afraid to do this for one person. I can't imagine that he did this for seven people for the last 30 years, you know, like I, I can't even imagine that. And I was just swept up with such a sense of gratitude and appreciation that, you know, I hope that I hope that, you know, your kids are going to have, you know, when they, you're at least your son's going to have when, when, you know, if I hope, I hope he gets a real, you know, amazing career that he'll know that everything that you guys put on the line for him to be able to do that, you know, and it's really one of the most beautiful things that a that a parent could do. Yeah, like I gave him like the Father's Day card and I'm like, here, write a little note to your dad. And it was short, but it was like short and sweet. You know, he was like, thank you for, you know, being there every step of my soccer career.

1:11:38 And it's true. Like my my husband has been by his side. He, he, you know, goes to all his games, goes to his tournaments and, and is there for him across, you know, across the world. You know, wherever he goes, he's he's there. Yeah, yeah. What was it? What was it like going have, I mean, the five year gap between your kids, I guess between the, you know, was it hard getting back to to having a newborn again? Yeah. Having a 5 year old. Yeah, because you have to like start over and then like you forget and then a lot of there's so many new products. Yeah. And then there's a like, like, wait, what happened with this? OK, this is new.

1:12:20 This is like, you know, 'cause the market for baby stuff is like always changing too. So there's like a lot of new products that I didn't know about that I'm like, oh, cool, this is new. This is new, but you know what? And what I really noticed at it, like every time I was pregnant, I became more creative. Like, Oh yeah, yeah. It definitely like, inspired me. Like, I would get a kick of like, writing and stories in my head. Like, I think it's just you're tapping into like creativity and as a woman, like, so when I would get pregnant, it was just like, I would definitely felt like very creative. It's so cool. I do remember that apparently in a. Creative state, right?

1:13:03 Yeah, literally, yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, that's one thing. I I definitely enjoyed my pregnancies. It wasn't something that I like, didn't like. So thank God, by the way, I know some people. That, that, that, that don't psoriasis and back pain and you know, and, and, and, and and mood swings and, and all that. But even just like the, you know, like we have, you know, we have, I have a 2 year old and I have a six. I have a six week old. And, you know, my wife and I yeah, yeah, it's really, it's really awesome. And my, and it's funny because even just the difference between two and two years old and six weeks, you know, my wife, like we went, we went, we went to my, we went to visit my family in New York.

1:13:45 And my wife is like, I completely forgot how to pack for a baby. And like the last year, like I totally forgot about what, you know, how many diapers it takes and like, you know, what her schedule is and you have to bring the, the stuff for bottles on the airplane and all, and all this stuff. And like we forgot about that. Like it was a phase of our lives. And then like you forget about after six months. And I think it's part of the human psychology too, that like we, we forget all the, you know, the challenges that happened and you remember the good stuff, that you remember how delicious they were. And like. You know, a cooing little baby just making eye contact and smiling, you know? Yeah, I think that one I remember like one comment somebody told me I think when I was like had had the kids and he was like he said something like I think it was like the days are the days are long and the years are short, you know, in parenting.

1:14:38 Yes, yes, you find that. True. Yeah. So in the moment it's like what times wise, you know? Yeah, time does fly. Time does fly. I can't believe that that that's been two. It's been 2 years since since my son was born and it feels like it's been 5 minutes, you know? And I look at him and I'm like, you weren't able to like pick your head up and now you're running around, you know, like he this past weekend I was with my I was with my sister and she has a daughter the same age. And he was taking a nap and she was up and she and and he woke up and she and he and she hurt him in his bed. She's like Shua. And he was like, what? And he was like, come, come play. He's like, OK.

1:15:18 And he just hopped out of his pack and play, which he never did before, you know, And he just like crawled out of it and then opened the door and walked out. And I was like, dude, what? I never saw you do any of that before, you know, but those are, and again, as moment as as moments for a human being that's incredibly fulfilling, That's incredibly beautiful. Like these are things that like, they just like kind of overwhelm you with a sense of like love and like, whoa, I'm this is I even know that I'd be proud of something for doing someone for doing something so silly and so trivial, but like it's so special. Mm hmm. Yeah. But anyway, Jen, I want to thank you so much for your time.

1:16:00 Thank you so much for doing this. This is so much fun. I wish you tons of luck with publishing. Maybe we'll do this again as you, as you, as you, as your new career takes off and as you get into the world of publishing, because I do. I am interested and fascinated in that world. And, you know, I'd love to hear as you get into it, what's going on with it. But until then, I wish you tons of luck. This is so much fun talking to you and, and hearing about your experiences and hearing about your, you know, the whole process, writing and teaching and, and your whole journey. And I think this is, I think this is awesome. And I think that I hope this will, you know, really be inspirational to a lot of people. I think they got really awesome values and have a really great story.

1:16:41 So I really thank you. Thank you so much for your time. Thanks. Awesome. OK, Thanks so much for doing this. We'll be in touch. OK, Have a great rest of the day. Thank you too. Bye. Bye.