#113: Amberely Snyder

0:01 Welcome to another episode of come together and we're live. Hey, I'm really thanks so much for coming. I really appreciate it. So I, I came across your site while I was, I was both trying to look for guests, but I'm, I was trying to look for particular type of guests for the podcast because my show really revolves around trying to bring people together through thoughtful and healthy and you know, I guess mature and out-of-the-box, you know, and, and really healthy, fun conversations that really could help bring people together.

0:50 And, and I came across your site and I came across your story and I was just so blown away. And I was, so, I, I thought to myself, it would be such a privilege to able to talk to you. So I sent you over the e-mail request and, and much to my surprise, I, I, I think maybe after a couple of weeks, I got a response and I was really, really, really meant so much. So, so I, I, you know, I'm not going to, I, I know you've talked 100,000 times about, you know, your story. I might ask just for a 2 minute recap, but you What? What how? How old were you? When I was 18 when I was in my car accident. Hi.

1:36 Yeah, OK. By the way, you don't have to put the camera on the sound of the. Audio. OK, well then I and then I won't even worry about that. I'll just say hello. Hi, hello there. So it happened at 18 and, and I wanted to talk to you just after you look into your website again, get a little bit more of an idea as to who you are rather than the accident that happened to you. I would, I think that that's going to that. That's really the important part and really the beautiful part. So accident happened, you were diagnosed. They, they, they said that you would not be able to use your legs and never be able to ride horses again.

2:19 You've been passionate about horseback horse riding since you were three. And yeah, that's. I mean, I'm sure that sounds like a real. Yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean you give the additional. Version I love forces my. Whole life I rode all through junior rodeo days. I've been to high school. Then it was my right after my senior year that I was involved in my rollover truck accident, which where I was ejected from my truck, hit a fence post, broke my back and was paralyzed from the waist down. So then we had to start life over. Yeah, yeah. So. Oh, man, OK.

3:00 There's so many different directions I want to go, and I'm not even sure how to where to begin with this. You started riding horses when you were just a kid, and you come from a big family, right? You come from, you have five siblings. I also do, by the way, I'm the oldest of 6. And I think that, or at least my perception is that having being part of a big family kind of already forces you a little bit in growing up to develop a kind of sense of individuality. Because there's always, always so much chaos going on in the house. And, you know, you're dealing with older siblings, younger siblings, whoever it is. And there's a lot of learning and there's a lot of figuring out how life works, you know, with your siblings starting from a really, really young age.

3:48 How, how were you, how, how, where were you of this? And you think how much you think that contributed to your ability to start your life over at 18 when you thought you had everything worked out and you know. Well, I saw people first that I feel like I had the perfect combination of parents. So my dad, you know, being a Major League Baseball player, knew what it took to be the best and he expected nothing less of his children. So we were definitely, I want to say like really we had to decide what we wanted to do for the rest of our lives at 3 years old. And then he was going to support the passion and wanted us to work hard for it.

4:31 So we have that side. And then my mom, my mom definitely is the one who taught us to believe in ourselves and to not value ourselves based off of our performance in our sport, if that makes sense. So I feel like that perfect combination between them is what really helped, you know, us as kids be successful. It helped us as kids decide what we wanted to do, how hard we were going to work for it, but also, you know, to feel confident in ourselves as who we are. And I mean it. It went through all six kids. My my older sister was a gymnast. She's now a coach. I rodeoed my brothers both played baseball.

5:13 The one just retired with playing in the minor leagues. The other one's actually now a coach as well. And, and I'm like, you know, we had, and my littlest sister rodeoed with me. And so I feel like there was just a whole group of us that, you know, we had been raised this way. And I, I would 100% tell you that that is how I was able to build this foundation that after my accident, it was like I was kind of already trained to mentally be prepared. Yeah, and that's actually. So that's one of the ideas that I really wanted to kind of dive into is the mental fortification and the, you know, and all the little steps and middle work and, you know, bits and pieces of time that kind of slowly start to sculpt who we are.

6:05 And then by the time we look at the finished sculpture, like you look at what our potential is or what we're capable of doing and it almost feels like we don't even know where it came from. And then you look at like your whole life and you realize that it's just a million different beautiful individual moments that you know, of growth and of pain and of love and of, you know, and a family and of commitment and of everything like that. And all comes together to be able to, you know, to create you, you know who you are. And you know in the parts of you that that you know, like what your mom, I guess, taught you is more than judge the performance on the it's, it's who the athlete is. You know, it's, you know, there's, there's there's a difference between high performing athlete and a leader, you know, and, and I'm sure that that's, you know what they do.

6:49 Oh. Absolutely. I think that that is exactly who we are as people, as it's moments. It's moments all added up, whether good, bad, ugly and those moments is a part of your story. Yeah, yeah, definitely. So, so growing up, can you what what was what, what was riding like as a child? Do you remember what it was like as a kid? Do you remember at a certain point what when you're able to kind of take it to the next level and really be great, was that? Physical, So we, I was born in California, so we actually didn't find a place that I could start writing lessons till I was 3. So that's when I actually started writing lessons. And then it wasn't until my family moved to from California to Utah when I was 7, then I started competing in rodeo. So I feel like I had a pretty good foundation when I was a kid.

7:42 And then when we moved to Utah, I got a barrel horse and that's when I started competing in rodeo. And I just loved it and I had a knack for it and felt like I was, you know, obviously going to be good at it. And so it grew. I feel like I, I mean, I won things at the junior level, you know, at 7 years old, I feel like I got a horse that was really capable of winning when I was 10. And that horse really changed my perspective. I tell people at clinics like that was the horse that taught me how to win. The first horse, her name was Lacey. And I would tell you like that horse taught me to have the passion for this sport because she loved it and because she loved it, she made me love it. But that second horse, Jazzy, was her name. I got her when I was 10 or 11.

8:23 That horse could win, you know, And I think that that's really when it shifts your game even more because now, you know, when you go in the arena, it doesn't matter who's entered. And I'm competing at girl races against women, right? It's not just kids anymore in that aspect. And and I knew that if I put down my best run and I did my best job and my horse did her best job, we could win. And that shifts your perspective a lot, right? When all of a sudden you have that capability. So I would say that was when I realized, you know, or, or learned how to win at A at a bigger level than just the kids against the kids. Right.

9:04 So what I mean, I don't know much about, about the sport when you say that a horse had the passion as opposed to a horse that can win. I know that horses are deep and empathetic. Actually, I was, I, I did a, I did an episode a couple of weeks ago with, with a therapist, Alyssa Levy. She's awesome. And she, and she's been riding, she's from Maine. She's been riding horses her whole life too. And she was telling me about how emotional and intelligent and just remarkable horses are. And, you know, so, so were you. You're able to detect that and like feel that as a kid when you're, when you're, when you're, when you're, when you're, you know, yeah. It's like a shared sport.

9:45 Absolutely. I think you're able to I. Think from. The time I was three years old, just riding. Riding lessons, you recognize the depth within these animals and, and then I think the older you get, you realize that personalities can clash and that you're going to find ones that you love and ones you get along with and ones that maybe someone else will get along with better than you. And then you find ones that love your sports and I mean horses that love to be real horses and some that really don't, right? Like they love to do something else and that 100% after happens as you go along. Well, yeah, definitely. That's so cool. That's so creative. And I guess it's just a feeling, right? I mean, like, do people describe the like, is there a way to tell when you're, when you're kind of feeling out a horse? Is it something in the tension with the with with its body? Is it something with its response to you? Like what, what, what?

10:41 Or is it just, you know, a feeling? Like I would say it's definitely both. I would think that there's, there's an emotional connection, a heart connection that you feel with that horse and that's what really takes you to the next level with a horse, I would say. But outside of that, you know, you have the instincts and you can feel the changes in their body and their emotions. And that's I, I think that's what you can feel alongside. But then like I said, once you have a horse that you connect with, even better, I think that's where like that spiritual side comes in, that emotional side comes in that you can, that makes you and that horse even more special that you don't get with every horse. I mean, I have, I've had lots of horses that I've owned and rode and raced throughout my lifetime. And, and not all of them are like that. I wouldn't say I have like a heart connection with every single one of them.

11:24 It's just the unique one along the way that you get to have that. Sure. Yeah, It's like the special friend, you know, the people that you meet where you talk to them for like, you know, an hour and then you realize like, Oh my God, where have you been? Like my whole life, you know, like, you know, you just people that, you know, you guys are on the same wavelength. It feels like almost. It's really cool. It's really, it's really, really beautiful. So. So you're 8, So you're 18. This happens. This accident happens. You are thrown out of your truck and you're told that you won't be able to get back on the horse for your entire life. Four months later, you're back on the horse.

12:07 Is this the looking back? Was that like a defiance? Was that, is it your nature or personality to kind of be like, oh, you're telling me I can't do this, so I'm going to do this? Or was it something that you just didn't accept that you knew wasn't going to be the case? What was what was your perspective like at the time and what were you able to do to kind? Of rally the horse part of it I mean even laying there in the hospital or layman laying on the side of the road it was like getting back on a horse wasn't an option that was going to happen right I was like this is what we're doing I don't know exactly how I'm doing it per SE but this is what you're doing I but I think also because I had that tough of a mentality when I did get back on that was shattering for me but prior yeah because I realized got.

13:03 Back on him. I realized it wasn't going to be the same, right? Like I had told people, I had told myself, I had built it up to myself, like I'm getting back on a horse and it's going to be magic and that will not change, right? Everything else is going to change, but that can't change. That's my world. And of course it's not realistic, right? And so it really didn't get me as much that doctors or people were like, hey, like this is going to be hard because I was just like, you don't freaking know, you know, like you don't know, like this is what I do. Like this is a part of who I am. So like, you're not, you don't understand when I realized it that it wasn't going to be the same, that that was hard.

13:44 I mean that was when I crushed to realize like Oh my gosh, I bet this is my new reality. And then what? And then what? And then, and then, and then from there, were you just like, were you in despair? Were you immediately looking for a solution? How long did it take? Because I think that what I, you know, what I'm trying to get, you know, I mean, I, I know that myself, for example, I'm sure a lot of people can relate one way or the other. I am extremely, I'm extremely fearful, you know, and I, I and one of the things I think that the root of a lot of my fear comes from a place where I feel like I don't have what it takes to handle the unknown, you know, and then the and then the opposite, you know, the confidence is in whatever particular area of my life, I'm like, oh, I know that I've been up against hard things.

14:41 I know I could handle that. I know, you know what, for example, before I have my first kid, I had a panic attack, you know, like right before my wife gave birth to her, he gave birth to him. And then the second time around, I was about to have that panic attack and I thought to myself, yeah, wait a minute. Like you did this. Like, you know, it's not going to be easy, you know, but like you've done this before, like, you know, like this is, you've shown yourself that this is something you can handle, you know, but until that, you know, but that first time, that first, you know, time that I, I, I was, I, I was not aware that I could handle something like that. That's kind of when the whole world felt like it was crashing down around me. And I don't know if I was going to be able to handle it. And, you know, and I, and I, and I think that part of what I did was I almost went numb, you know, for a little while until I was able to slowly kind of feel myself back into, into myself, you know, into, into back, you know, coming back to myself again and saying, Hey, if I'm you, you, you, you can handle this, you know, you, you, you could, you could do this and it's fine. Did, was that, was that a similar experience? When because there's a shot, you know, there's the actual accident.

15:51 And then what you, what you, what you described, There's the there's the moment where you realize yourself that no matter what everyone else around you said, it hits home with you that this is reality now you. Know that that was such a tricky part because that I think that is when a different process had to start. So at that point I had to put the pieces together on my saddle of how I was going to ride and then also face the reality away from the horses on. I said it was like it was that day that I realized this was the new reality. Prior to that, you know, obviously it's very hard and my body is not working like I wanted to and I'm facing all these challenges.

16:31 But I kept just thinking that once I get back on a horse, it was going to change. And so when it didn't, that's when I really had to start to face all of the changes mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, on and off of a horse. And we went through the process with the horses of getting a seat belt, getting him some straps, go for a little bit. But then I realized it, it really wasn't the same. And that made me so frustrated that I quit. I said, you know, I'm done. Sell my horses. If this isn't like it's going to be before, I don't want to do it. And I went to school without my horses, obviously went just went to college and and tried to find something else I could love as much as them, which did not happen. I mean, that was ridiculous. That wasn't going to happen.

17:11 Oh, I like tried to learn to play the guitar and just like I cooked, which I do still love to cook and then even just like hang out with friends, like try to stay busy just doing things like that. I took AI mean I took a bowling. I did a bowling class. I wouldn't say like I took it up as like a full blown hobby, but like, yeah, I did that. I just kind of tried to engulf in like college, if that makes sense. So I'm not like a I've never been a partier and that didn't change either. But like I didn't like start partying or anything. I just was like, try to stay busy, engulfed in college activities, right? Like I helped with the football team. I, you know, got a job on campus. I just like things like that.

17:54 Like I just tried to find a new niche for my life for what I could do. I'm not one that idols very well. I don't sit still very well. So I try to stay busy in another way. And, and I wouldn't say like I was like full blown, I wasn't depressed like I was OK, you know, I was fine. I was happy. I had good stuff and memories and I made really great friends and all those things. But you know, a part of me still missing and, and that's how it was. But when I tell people, you know, it's it when they face hard things too. And I say, it's OK if you have to take a step back sometimes. It doesn't mean you're giving up.

18:35 It doesn't mean you're quitting. I mean, I say I quit, but I also knew in my heart it wasn't forever. So I was like, it doesn't mean, you know, you're a loser or it doesn't mean anything like that. It just means, you know, take a step back and gain some perspective or put yourself in a better place mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, somewhere or if all those things so that you can handle that and enjoy that. And I feel like that's what I did. I went to school, I figured out how to live life in a chair. I figured out how to still like myself and still enjoy being myself and realize I could still have friends and I could still do things even though I. What'd you do to do that? I'm sorry.

19:15 I'm sorry to cut you off. Would you? Because that's such an important thing. I think most people don't know how to love themselves and like themselves as as much as they probably would like to. And so what'd you do to like rediscover that? Like really? Because I know it's hard work. I know that from like from me, I had, I had to go through periods of loneliness where I had to really do a lot of writing, a lot of thinking, a lot of like, you know, just being with myself and like, why am I the way I am? Did you, did you, did you have times like that or what? How'd you? How'd you you? Know, I think who you. Are you know? I think at that part, like you, you still find things that you're good at. So I think that's a piece for me is finding something that still brings me joy and something that I recognize I can still do.

20:05 So like for instance, I'm not good at guitar, so I did not find it there. That was not fun for me. I'm not good at that. But if I tell you like to cook like I would cook for me and my roommates and, and I'm good at that. Like I, I was good at that. I enjoyed that. So I felt like. Recognizing that or when I went bowling, like we had Ida bowling class and then we did other stuff and it was like I realized I could still be good at that, like and and just finding value in that. And then even recognizing that me as a person, like these new people that I met at college, they didn't know The Walking me. They only knew this me and they still wanted to be my friend. So I think, you know, even changing my perspective in that of like these people don't care what I've won or if I've won anything.

20:55 Like they don't care about that. You know, they are just like, Hey, we met you, we like you, we hang out with you. And I mean, it was my roommates that kind of don't have a choice, right? Like, I feel like you all become friends, but really you could hate each other if you wanted. And and that wasn't the case. Like we all, we all got along and we still do. Like I'm still, I see those girls a couple times a year and, and it was just like recognizing that and that anything that they wanted to do, they were like, Hey, what can we do? So Amberly can come. And I think surrounding myself with people who wanted me to be involved, regardless of if it was a little bit harder to be involved is where I recognized like, you know what, I'm still a good person. I still like who I am.

21:40 People still like me for who I am. And I obviously I'm, I've always had a leader mentality. So like I took on some leadership roles and recognize that just because I'm in a chair, that doesn't change what I'm capable of as far as that aspect either. And, and I still tell you that that's just my personality. So I think that right, like you have to recognize, OK, I can't do this, but I can do this and really appreciate all for that. And that takes practice. Yeah, it's amazing. I bet it does. How? I mean, how long did I'm sure it took? I'm sure it took months, if not years. Oh. I would tell you I still have to do that, right? It's like, it's like there's still bad days that you're like, this is just not what I planned on And and this is not fair. And I'm and I hate this and, and I hate that my legs don't work and I hate, you know, there's, I still have that, like that's still real.

22:36 But I, you know, and I have those moments where I get upset and then I can take a step back and be like, OK, but you know, what can I do? And what do I have that I appreciate and, and look at these people who are who I've surrounded myself with and these opportunities that I have and these abilities that I have. And then, you know, it can change your perspective again. But I, if I get in my lowest of lowest days, which still do happen, when I get in days where I'm really upset, I won, I allow myself to be upset. I think that's a part of the process. I think that some people feel like if they are, we like have a bad day. Like if they're like, man, I just feel like I'm mentally being defeated that they think something's wrong with them. Something is not wrong with you.

23:24 When that happens, something is not wrong with you. You're, you're human and you're allowed to have a bad day. So have it, have a bad day and then recognize that tomorrow can be a different day. But I remind myself all the time. So like I said, one, I let myself feel those emotions, but then two, I remind myself somebody is praying for what I have. And that sure as heck humbles you right back to OK, you're OK. Yeah, definitely, definitely. It's really interesting. So, and I guess just listening, you know, from the outside looking in, you know, it's you had I, you know, it's, it's a story of having a identity and a sense of self and a perception of this is who you are. Having that shattered and then rediscovering, wait a minute, who I thought, who I thought it was isn't who I am, who I am is who I am.

24:19 And then actually coming to terms with that and like seeing that I'm a leader, I am a friend. I am, I do love horses, I do love cooking. I do love, you know, whatever, whatever it is that, that, that, that you're working and, and that, you know, what made you, you wasn't, you know, what you thought it was. And then coming to terms with that is the is that journey. So that's what it sounds like from the outside. I feel like I've had similar scenarios. You know, I remember, you know, I mean, you know, I come from a very small Orthodox Jewish world where it's very common to be married by not by 2122 years old, right? And I got married at 20, almost 26.

25:01 And I was, you know, and, and I put an enormous amount of pressure on myself for probably two or three years every time I was going on dates and every single time I was like, this is where I'm supposed to be. This is where I'm supposed to be. This is who I'm supposed to be. And I'm like, and then at a certain point, I threw my hands up. I, you know, my 25th birthday, I threw my hands up and I was like, I, you know what, I'm going to just focus on being the best me that I could be. And whenever, whenever the time comes for, you know, partner to come along is the time the partner comes along. But right now, the only thing I can focus on is just being the best person, you know, the best person that I try to be and be ready for whenever it happens. And, and so, and from that minute, so much had changed. You know, at that point, I was living at my parents and I wanted to get out and I was giving myself excuses to not pursue passions like, you know, playing guitar racks today. I also picked it up around around 2526. And, you know, and I said to myself, what, what, what excuse am I giving myself that this setup isn't right or that setup is not right.

25:59 Like if at my, you know, if I'm at my root, you know, I'm trying to just discover who I am. I'm not just a product of my surroundings, then, you know, got it. You got it, you got it, you got it. You got to jump right in, you know, Awesome, awesome, awesome. So, so you so you went ahead and you started this foundation. Yeah. So. My it's called the armily. Snyder Freedom Foundation. I started it a couple years ago. I'm still in the fundraising stages of it. Turns out foundations take a lot of time. A lot of time. And I am an extremely busy person and I love, I love what I do. So I don't complain that I am busy, but I am busy. And so I've just started fundraising for it. So eventually I'll be able to come around to it and, and I get to just put these pieces together so that I feel like I'll be able to have enough money to really like open it and make a big change on it.

27:03 So I do little fundraising things here and there, obviously with podcasts and whatnot. So the plan of it is to give kids or people with disabilities pieces of freedom. So I know for me after my accident, to lose so much independence was devastating. And so I want to be able to allow people or help them get that independence back. So whether that's hand controls in a vehicle or, you know, a ramp in their house or be able to make something accessible that wasn't accessible to them, it's those pieces of independence that helps us continue to grow and be OK with who we are in the situation we're in.

27:43 So that's what it's going to do. It's going to give pieces of independence and to people, beautiful. Beautiful. It's really amazing. It's really amazing. I hope, I wish you lots of success with it. I'm sure it's going to be. I hope it. I hope it impacts and touches a ton of people. What was it like having a documentary made of you? I I watched a video where you said at first that you weren't really into the idea of it. And I guess I could, I guess I could ask you after, what was it like working with Netflix? Was it only Netflix that was reaching out? Was it something that you had in mind, never had in mind So. Originally they, I, I actually had a little small production company reach out to me and ask if they could make a movie about my story.

28:33 And I told them no. But then I talked to my parents and I came back and said, OK, so that is what happened. And then they, well, I didn't feel like I have done something that I wanted to like make a story about, if that makes sense. Like to me, I was just back on a horse winning yet. And so I'm like, it's not cool that I just got back on a horse. Like I want to be able to be winning. And at that point, you know, it doesn't, you don't realize that people are like, no, what you're doing just right now is incredible, right? So for me being as competitive as I am, I'm like, well, if I'm not winning, it doesn't matter. I do have moments now.

29:13 Obviously I still like to win, but I do have moments now where I'm like, Oh my gosh, like I realize I really am the only one doing what I'm doing. And honestly, it is pretty incredible that I still get to do it and at the level that I'm doing it at so that I do have moments that like I even bring myself back to that. But so when they asked, you know, we ended up writing the script and then their contract dissolved. It just ended. And so then I ran in the American in 2015 and another company came on and I said no again for the same reason. I well, this time around actually, I was more like, you know, my family's been through enough the first time. I really don't need them to relive this, but after? What was I'm sorry, what was writing?

29:54 What was the initial script or working on a script like because are you was it? Did I did I have a script about like what the conversations are going to be like? They have a script as to a narration. What was what was that? What was that like? Just because I love writing and I I I love the background. They came to they came to my house and interviewed my family and me and then put together this story. So that's that's what we ended up we did. Is that they Yeah. So they came and and we interviewed pieces of my, you know, my family. We'd and then they pull different stories, I would say, from members of my family. And they were like, OK.

30:35 And then they pieced it together to read the script. And then obviously they showed it to me and were like, hey, do you want this? And I at that point was like, all right, I want to make sure that this gets thrown in on story or Nah, that really, I don't really think that needs to be included. We were all to piece it together that way. Yeah. OK, Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. I was, I was curious about that. That's really interesting. OK, So you so at this point you got the script, you see some things you like, some things are OK, some you know, the deal falls apart, another deal happens. You say that you don't want your families to deal with that again. Do do you have the material at this point that that those those interviews or is that with that? Was that was the initial reach out that we did those interviews and things and then like I said, they wrote the script. Yeah, well, they actually ended up buying that script from that other company.

31:31 OK, cool. Gotcha. Gotcha. And then how and then how hands on was it? How were you get, did you get to be involved? Did you get to were there parts where you're like, listen, I think this is important or not important? What was it like the second? Company, the second company, you know, they took it, they twisted it after The American and then that's when we gave it to Netflix. So then and they sold it to Netflix right near the end of that. And I, I mean, I didn't, I, I was a producer on it. I had an opinion, not a say. So I had to learn that that once they buy your story, my opinion matters. But the final decision isn't up to me. And that was kind of difficult on a few different things because it was easy for others to forget that it's my actual life. Like it's a real life.

32:20 It's not. I know that they're reading a script and building a story, but it's a real 1. And I'm literally sitting there. And so that was for reading sometimes that I would be like, that's not how that happened. And they're like, well, but that's how we want it in the movie. That I was actually curious that, that, that, that that's, that's reinforcing what I what I thought, what I had a feeling about, I was nervous about. So what was so, so, so that happened? So did that happen often or that was a couple of times? A few times. OK, OK, OK, OK. So then we have the finished product.

33:02 What's what's missing that you feel like you would have wanted put in or what was put in that you feel like you would have wanted a change if you could talk about it? I. Feel like if you. Can't. I feel like that they could have included my family. So that was kind of a bummer that I feel like my family wasn't included as much as they wanted to. There were some hiccups with that, that I had approved people to to be the actors in my movie, and they ended up changing some of those. So then people got pulled out and shifted. And so I had some. Yeah. So I, I, if you watch the movie, most people think I only have three siblings and I actually have five siblings.

33:50 But that was poor production and poor that, that they had to make some changes with some cast. Yep. So I wish that that had been better. Really, that's my biggest complaint. I think that if you know, knowing what I know now, I wasn't on set every single day because I was still trying to rodeo that summer. I feel like knowing what I know now, I would have skipped that rodeo of summer, that summer of rodeo. I would have skipped that summer of rodeo and been there every single day just for small things that could have been better. Not that probably people even notice those details, but I do. Yeah.

34:34 Yeah, I do. And so I think I would have wanted. To do those. Differently, but you know, realistically, like overall, I felt like the movie did exactly what it was supposed to. It was, I mean it, it helps a lot of people. It's served a lot of purpose and that part I appreciate. Yeah, Did you immediately get people reaching out after that happened? Did you see like an explosion of of, of reach out or was it slow or what? What was the what was the general? You know, because there are times where I, you know, where I watch things on, you know, you know, different documentaries, different shows or even YouTube videos. And there are times where I feel like I really, really relate and connect to this person. I'm going to reach out, you know, And then there are times where I watch, I'm like, OK, that's fun. Did you get a lot of, do you get a lot of reach outs after it came out?

35:21 Or was it, do you notice there's a particular like you know, a particular, you know person, you know person or place that these people are from reaching out? To. Me that that. Related to you, I definitely still get a lot of of that. I get a lot of people that just watch my movie or have watched it and this is all over the whole world and I get messages from them. So yeah, I, I still get, and it was overnight, right? Like when it when it was released, I got so many messages. And then I felt like that stayed pretty big and strong for like a year, honestly. And, and I still, I get fan, I get fan messages every single day. And so I'm still getting those.

36:05 I'm still seeing those. I'm getting to see people that my story has impacted them, whether from the movie or then after the movie watching me. So yeah, I mean, I still see the impact. I feel like it was huge and I feel like it still is carrying on. And the movies been out for quite a few years now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, one of the benefits of it being on a platform like Netflix is that because they've got that algorithm, it's very hard for movies to get lost in the shuffle if if someone expresses interest in that type of genre, you know, So, you know, typically speaking until now, you know, you'd have a movie and it'd be 10 years old and then it just means it'd be 10 years down the queue, you know. But you know, I mean, having the having the I guess that would be one of the benefits I would say about working with a company like Netflix would be that they that the reach is so is so far. It's it's insane.

37:02 And and then the algorithm can keep all it can keep, quote UN quote older content fresh and relevant that I mean, I don't expect for it to really go anywhere for for, you know, just years. You know, just the fact that this came up, you know, six months ago on my timeline, you. Always. Yep. I feel like that's what's so crazy, right, is that people are still, they're just still finding it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So can I talk to you a little bit about your, your new marriage? Is that, do you mind? I the reason why I think it's important, the reason why I want to talk about is because I really believe that there's a loneliness epidemic in in the, in the in the States, you know, and I think a lot of people are lonely. I think a lot of people don't have relationships or afraid, you know, you know, afraid to kind of get into them, you know, and there's, you know, I think that there's just, I think there's a disconnect between people. And it's funny, I actually just got back from Europe. I was in Amsterdam and Barcelona and, and one of the things I noticed about that about those places was that people tend tended to be more friendly, more social, more interactive. When you're in the supermarket, you had people's headphones weren't in and people were, you know, not afraid to make eye contact, to look around and say

38:34 hello to people. You know, first of all, congratulations on on, on on getting married again. You know, we talked just a minute before we started recording. I congratulate, you know, but I'm really, really happy. What what advice would you have for people that are dating? What advice would you have for people that are trying to look for a partner? What the what were you looking for? And see if we can kind of oh. I so I'm, I've always been like kind of picky, I would say on, on what I was looking for and I feel like everyone should be girl and boy alike. I think that you should be picky and knowing like when you're looking for your life partner, that's exactly what they should be, right? Your partner should be somebody that that is there for all the realms.

39:24 So that is in your passion, that is at home, that is in your love, like all of those things. And so I mean, I, I was picky in what I was looking for. And I will say, I think that the chair eliminates some people just immediately because they just don't even want to try to be in that. And I'm like, you know, at first that kind of hurt my feelings because I recognized that there was people that I didn't maybe connect with that I would have connected with prior to. And I knew that. But at the same point, you know, once I realized that I liked who I was and I know what value I have and what I am, then then that was OK.

40:05 I figured the. So that first step, that first step was just knowing what you were looking for and then being comfortable with who you are. Yeah. Well, that first step is really hard for a lot to what you got to I imagine you know what do you. Yeah, OK. And then and then the actual and actual relationship part navigating it, you know, that's that's that's the hard part, right. That's that's where, you know, finding, you know, I guess almost finding a person, as crazy as it sounds, is actually part I'm sure when. Oh.

40:47 Yeah, my life is so busy and hectic that also finding somebody who is OK with my busy life, that was also a part of it. Because I'm not home every night, like I'm not ever going to be home every night. I'm on the road quite often and so I had to find someone that was OK with that and handled that and didn't make me feel guilty for that. And so that is also one of the pieces that I think is important is the person that it that you end up with needs to be OK with the lifestyle that you have. Not that adjustments won't be made. I've made adjustments, he's made adjustments, but that you don't want somebody that you know, you dated that was like, hey, this is cool while you dated, but now if we're like together, I really want you home every night. Well, that's not going to work like I was. I'm the same person I was in the beginning. And that part, I mean, and even navigating the dating world that was a struggle with some people is that they just, they didn't like how busy I was.

41:52 Yeah, yeah, for sure. I was actually, it's my sister. I was talking to my sister-in-law who's currently, you know, going through the whole dating process and, you know, trying to figure, you know, trying to find your way through it. And one of the things we were talking about was she was like, there's a guy and we get along so well. But like, you know, I'm not sure if like, you know, our backgrounds are going to be quite the same, you know, or like, you know, the way that what, what our expectations of like day-to-day life and values are going to be like. And I was like, you know, I, I, I, you know, I think that that's something that's, I think that's something that most people kind of are willing to put aside for a little bit. Is you know that like, you know, it's so exciting when you find someone that you just get to know and that you that you guys, you have that kind of that, that enthusiasm that you know, when that enthusiasm does fade away.

42:42 Most of life is day-to-day and most of life is, you know, the way that you carry yourself, you know, in the minutes, you know that, that, that you don't think about, you know, and, and you know, in those little, in the little moments like, you know, like whether or not you know, I don't want to, I don't mean to make it, you know, this isn't as big of a deal, but things like, you know, or things like, you know, how much you expect to be it's. Day-to-day things, I really, I think it is super important to recognize that the person you're with is that you mesh. You've got a mesh. Yes. Oh. Man, I've had some really fun places.

43:23 I've I have spoke in 45 states now and I've actually been 47 states, so I've nearly covered the whole country and I've I, I love, let's see, I will tell you I have it written down. So I'm, yes, I just went to Alaska for my honeymoon, actually. So it was amazing. Yeah, it was amazing summer. Time is probably incredible. We. Left Vancouver, Canada and then went through Alaska and then and, and then came back up to Canada. It was. Amazing. I've been dying to do that.

44:04 Actually, I lived in Seattle for, for a year and I love the North, the Pacific Northwest and, and I and I and I've been and I've been dying to go on one of those cruises. It was amazing. Cool. I feel like those are pretty easy now, especially in the horse riding community, right? Right.

45:05 What's your what's, what's your process for before speaking? Do you get pregame butterflies? Do you take notes? Bullet points? Do you have everything pre written out? What do you do? Yeah. And what's your process for for writing? I started up writing for, for, for preparing to speak when you're actually speaking.

45:53 Because I actually, I, I, I, I teach high school part time. And part of one, part of the things that I do is I force my English class to, to give a 5 minute presentation. And inevitably every semester someone gets up and they think that they can talk 5 minutes about anything, you know, without any preparation. And then after 45 seconds they run out of things to talk about. And, you know, and so I end up, you know, so I end up, you know, I end up having walking through what it's like to prepare to, you know, to actually get ready to speak. What what? What advice? What's your process?

47:20 So you keep it intimate, you keep it, you keep it, you keep it personal. Do you, do you, do you come up with notes in advance of what you're going to talk about? Or do you like have topics that you know, you want to touch on or you go to? How do you, how do you go about that? Yeah, me neither. It's tough. Yeah.

48:11 Yeah, Totally. Definitely. Definitely, definitely. Yeah. Excuse me, I there's a comedian, Tom Segura. I don't know if you're familiar with him. He's a pretty famous comedian. And one of the things that he was talking about his process, he's like, I don't like to have specific lines and words because he goes it, you know it one night, especially if you're, if you're, you know, performing in public, if you enunciate one word a little differently, it gets a totally different reaction to the crowd.

48:56 And you kind of have to count like what you're saying on like every word being delivered perfectly. He's like, I prefer personally, he goes, I just have a list of bullet points of topics that I know I'm going to bring up. And then I, and then I, and then you go and I improvise with them. And then one hand, it's a lot scarier because you're improvising and you might get stuck in another hand That's I feel like we're a lot of the fun, spontaneous and some of the most creative. The most creative moments happen for sure. Do you find your stories change over time? Because I find that as I tell stories over and over, things get to become a little more dramatic or dramatized or anything like that. Do you ever notice that happened? Sure, yes. Yeah, yeah, definitely.

50:17 I mean, I, you know, I'd hope not. I, I, I, I, I try not to. I end up catching myself, you know, even things around the house, like, you know, I'm telling a story to a friend and then and then my wife who looks at me, she goes, you just told me that story 10 minutes ago and you said that you left the house 20 minutes before and I said 30. And I was like, I know, I'm just, you know, I end up getting, I end up getting excited and dramatic about it. So, so, yeah, of course I'm not talking about full on, you know, but I think that you, you also notice that a certain, when you're, when you're a storyteller, you're telling stories and you're reading along, especially one person or a couple of people as they're going with you, you can tell that there's certain dramatic flares that they're almost waiting for yourself. You know, that like you're looking for something dramatic that had happened or that that that would happen. You're trying to kind of emphasize it, but obviously not changing the changing the whole thing. So what's, what's, what do you, what's next? What are you, what are you looking forward to? What's, what do you hope to accomplish the next 5-10, fifteen years?

51:28 Beautiful. Yes, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've noticed, Yeah, I've noticed that, you know, that there's only so many people I feel like you can keep track of in your life that you could be that intentional about. But those relationships tend to last the longest for sure. You know.

52:44 I mean, I've had friends that, you know, we've been intentional about our friendship and we've talked about, you know, ups and downs and everything for 1520 years now. And, you know, and those are people that, you know, when push comes to shove and, you know, when the hard times happen and you don't feel like opening up to people or anything, or you just need to like get something off your chest. There's only like a couple of people that you feel like you could trust to just like talk to about that, you know. And those are the. And yeah, I think, I think we need that. I think we really need that. I think that we're I think we're a lonely country. And I think that you, you emphasizing that your values are enormous part relationship, enormous part family, enormous part friendships. That should be something that I think a lot of people should really think about because that's what's meaningful, you know, that.

53:34 And, you know, I mean, I, I, I think that a lot of, I, I mean, I, I, I don't come from, I know we grew up in totally different universes. I come from, you know, Rockland County, New York, 20 minutes north of Manhattan. But, you know, there was, there's, there's always been an emphasis on like work and how many hours you spend at work. And you almost considered like, you know, it's always considered weird to be someone that was like spending a lot of time with family or like, you know, hanging out with friends a lot, you know, And it was almost considered, you know, bizarre. But I don't know if that that necessarily contributes to people's well-being, happiness or meaning or purpose in their lives as much, you know. Yeah, definitely, definitely.

54:21 That's really awesome. That's really awesome, Emily. I really appreciate the time. Thank you so much for making time to speak with me today. And your story's really, really beautiful. I'm, I I I love some of the insight insight that you gave. And, and this really, really means so much. Thank you so much for for, for taking the time to do this. All right, Emily, we'll be in touch. I wish you tons of luck. Enjoy those last couple of States and and I'll see the next, I'll see the next big project you're working on. But congratulations on everything and congratulations on the wedding and the honeymoon. And this is really such a pleasure. Thank you. All right, take Care now.

55:02 Bye. Bye.