#115: Dalton Lauer

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Welcome to another episode of a
come together

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and we're live, we're live we're
live.

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It's awesome.
Welcome back, brother.

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I'm.
Excited to be back again.

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Dude, I felt the last time like
we got cut off.

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Well, I cut us off, but I felt
you could have gone for a while.

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So I'm happy that we do in Part
2 all I want.

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Yeah, that's sweet.
Celebrating.

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We're celebrating today.
Dalton just closed the deal to.

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Very happy about as someone that
has never closed a real estate

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deal despite having my license
for like a summer.

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And I just found that out today,
listened to your podcast with

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Chris.
Oh there, you're awesome.

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December Yeah, dude, I'll show
you after my wallet.

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I have, I still have my picture
from my from my New York, NY

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state certification or whatever
it was.

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It's crazy, but.
It's a different beast too.

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Like it's.
It was tough.

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I can imagine as hell dude, but
I had to cheat the pass the pass

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the test.
I think everyone cheats.

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I think that's I.
Heard not like much to to pass

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like to get into it you know
the.

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So, yeah, when I was in college,
I didn't, I, I was, I remember

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as I was a creative writing
literature major, I had tons of

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free time.
I was hanging out, drinking a

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lot, hanging out with my
buddies, playing basketball and

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I was like, maybe I'll try for
my real estate license.

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I went online on Groupon.
Cheers.

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And I found, you know, those
like Groupon classes like, you

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know, like off like 1000
dollars, $50.00 for like a real

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estate like class, whatever.
So I signed up one of those

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classes and the reason why I
take 50 bucks is because it

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doesn't prepare you at all for
anything.

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So I spent all the time on
these, you know, modules and

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like going through these slides
and I took the test.

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I'm like, I don't know any
material that's on here.

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None.
Well, that's a crazy thing.

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Is the test itself, the material
you study, is so different than

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the test itself?
Yes.

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And then you get into real
estate and it's totally

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different.
From the test, what they teach

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you in the.
Schools because the schools vary

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like law and literature and like
basically just how to not get

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yourself end up in jail.
Yeah.

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And then you get into the real
life and you're like, I have to

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learn sales.
I have to learn interpersonal

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relationship building.
I have to all marketing, like

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all of this stuff that you are
not you didn't even know.

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Yeah.
Yeah, Yeah.

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I think the reason why they do
that probably or if I were to do

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that, the reason I would do that
is because I would say that you

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can learn all those kind of
skills, but you can't.

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Like most of the stuff that's on
the test are legal and our

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thing, if you're going to be
representing someone buying a

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house, there's a lot of
repercussions to that.

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And so like they want to make
sure that all like the technical

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bases are covered and they
figure that like sales and like

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interpersonal relationships and
being on top of your leads and

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following up and all that stuff
like that comes with with time

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anyway, you know?
Yeah, that's why it's good to

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get under some good like
leadership or mentorship, Why

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just once you're new in the
business and you can learn that

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stuff as well.
And you said that.

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You say we were going to pick
right up.

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You said that so so we ended
last episode ending with you

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leaving Afghanistan with the
shit show that it was and then

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you and then we had to run out.
And you're telling me that you

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started doing real estate while
you're still in the military?

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Yeah.
So I would have gotten back from

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my deployment and had one month
until my date of separation from

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the military.
What does that mean?

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That means like they still pay
you for a month or whatever.

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They still.
You are, yeah, like, no, most

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people you get back from the
deployment, you continue your

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career.
It is what it is.

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I would have gotten back and I
had one month left in my time of

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service that I signed up for
until I would have been out.

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And it's really a process if you
want to prepare yourself to get

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out.
Like they have classes that you

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go through.
It's called TAPS.

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With that.
Transition assistance program

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and you can do it at any point
in your career.

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Most people suggest do it at
least one year before your data

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separation.
In my class, there's half the

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class was raising their hands
there one week from their

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separation.
And I'm thinking we get so much

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information on how to utilize
our benefits and prepare

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ourselves for the next stage of
our life, and you guys are only

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getting here one week before
your separation.

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How are you going to use or
implement any of?

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This.
Yeah, yeah.

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So fortunately I had a buddy who
had told me about the program

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and just at this point I'm I'm
getting my real estate license

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while I'm on my deployment.
That's why I was studying.

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I was taking the test out there.
Was a lot of work.

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Do you put a lot of time in too?
Not.

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Really.
Yeah.

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Fortunately I had a lot of time
when I wasn't flying missions.

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I was free, so it was the gym.
It was, yeah, and it was real

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estate while.
Everyone else was playing video

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games.
I was studying for real estate.

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Good for you, man.
And so, yeah, so from there,

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man, I forgot the question now.
It was just that you that you

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were studying for it and
preparing yourself before you

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left for.
Coming out, right.

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So, yeah, so I got back from it.
I decided I was going to extend

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my contract with the military
one year longer so that I didn't

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just get out and have one month
to get out.

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So that gave me enough time from
there to start planning,

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preparing and, you know, just
setting myself up.

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And that's when I decided I was
going to start interning with a

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real estate brokerage.
So I would do my full day at

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work with the military.
I'd get off and then I would go

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to a brokerage and they would
let me do all kind of their

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admin work and anything I can do
by the.

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Way that's the best, Just hands
on experience.

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Like, that's the best way.
That's a better way to learn

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than to study.
No, absolutely, absolutely.

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Because it's real world
scenarios like and like we said,

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the stuff from the test isn't
what's applicable that much in

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your day-to-day.
So I was getting that

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day-to-day.
I was kicking that learning

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curve early because doing open
houses on the weekend.

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Fortunately, again, my fiance,
she's off doing her thing with

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schooling.
We're not living together yet.

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So I'm still able to just go all
in on myself, development and

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focus on my future.
And so yeah, doing the real

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estate stuff.
And then it was, there's a

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program called skill bridge in
the military.

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It's open to all branches.
And I hope people hearing this

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in the military will take more
advantage of it because a lot of

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people don't know about it or
don't take advantage of it.

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Skill bridge.
Skill bridge up to six months

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prior to your data separation,
you can get approved for an

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internship where they have a
list of places you can go.

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And if it's not on there, you
can try and get that company on

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boarded.
And I found a real estate

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brokerage to was they had a
hybrid model.

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So it was like online slash in
person because if it's all

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online, they don't let you
actually leave the base because

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why would they pay for you to
leave and when it's just online?

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So this hybrid model worked out
for what I was trying to do,

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which is get to Florida and be
with my fiance.

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You know, what were you at this
point?

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Where was I was in California.
OK, my last base.

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Gotcha.
Gotcha, gotcha.

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Yeah, Northern Cali.
And so yeah, he gave me the

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opportunity because I was
looking with different

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brokerages, some in Tampa, some
in like Miami, one staying in

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Cali.
So there were options, but it.

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You're looking at the big names
like Douglas Element or

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whatever.
You're looking at like smaller

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shops that are giving you more
like.

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I'm working on whatever was on
the list and I did reach out to

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the brokerage I'm with now, one
Sotheby's, because the broker, I

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was in the Air Force with his
son.

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Oh cool.
Really?

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So I had.
Flown with it with his son and

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there was the connection made.
I reached out Tim and Sotheby's

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is a luxury brand and so they
kind of take brand new ages.

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Yeah.
So he was willing to try and

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make it work, but because they
weren't already on the list,

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it's like a six month process to
get.

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Wow.
So I was like, Dang, that's not

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going to work out and I'm not.
All those like luxury, like

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luxury homes in like Miami and
Surfside and all those places,

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that's, that's the kind of
places we cover.

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They're all over.
Yeah.

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Sotheby's is like the number one
global brand.

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They're global luxury.
Yeah, they're global.

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They're all over the world.
Got you.

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Bigger than Douglas, bigger than
like.

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Than Douglas Douglas Alderman.
I don't even think they know

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about them in like Spain or like
around the world.

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I could be wrong.
I don't know.

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Maybe I'm biased.
Maybe I'm biased, but in my

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mind, Sotheby's is the best.
And so, yeah, so I was super

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excited to be joining them under
the leadership of some of the

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father that I flew in the Air
Force with.

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And then it didn't work out, but
there was an option with Exp

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Realty, which is kind of this
newer real estate model.

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They're very like the brokerage
itself is online.

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And then so that was with the
hybrid model.

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So I was able to move to Florida
be with my fiance.

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They I only got approved for
four months early.

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And so for four months I got to
move here, I got to start

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practicing real estate.
It was my full time thing and so

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I just hit the ground paid.
By the military.

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While still getting paid by the.
Four months.

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So obviously four months of
like.

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Yeah, transitional time.
Seriously.

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Yeah, that's huge because I was
telling Chris yesterday, like I

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spent two months doing sales in
the city.

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I didn't do any sales.
I just lost a ton of money.

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It would be so helpful to have
that opportunity to like, have a

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learning curve and like, do
that, you know, like I spent

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money and time going for my
parents upstate to the city.

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Every day I'd take a bus for two
hours or a drive in and spend

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$30 each way to cross the GW
Bridge and you know, and like,

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and you got lunch and you go out
and like, all of a sudden you're

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like, where'd all this money go?
And I'm going, I'm not making

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anything yet.
I'm not.

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Coming in and it takes sometimes
months, yeah.

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People.
Yeah.

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Most people don't have that
opportunity.

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It's awesome, yeah.
So for four months I was very

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blessed because I was able to
kind of go through my training

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period, get out there, start
marketing myself.

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The only thing is, if I close a
deal, I couldn't take that

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income because you can't get
paid while you're in the

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military's can.
You get a bonus or can you get

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like anything?
No, no, you can't get paid at

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all.
So timing, right?

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Actually, I was only approved
for three months, but one month

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of that was my, they call it
leave your time off, your paid

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time off.
And so I had one month of that.

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So I used that and within that
time, even though I'm still with

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the military, your net, you can
now double dip cool, because

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only in that time here where
it's your time off.

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So you close anything then?
So fortunately for me, right as

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my time and service ended, I got
my first rental deal and it was

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from my family.
So it's not like.

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Rental deals here was it here
where was it it was here so

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rental I know that in the city
typically they do I think one

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month rent or 20% of the annual.
I think 20% of the annual rent.

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What do they do here?
It's.

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00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:59,040
Different per brokerage and per
realtor and you know everyone

228
00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:02,480
takes whatever Commission their.
First month, last month or 10%

229
00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:05,640
of the year?
The typical is one month and

230
00:11:05,680 --> 00:11:09,640
that's split between both sides.
If there's oh really on both

231
00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:11,400
sides, OK, got you.
Then you're getting half of

232
00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:12,920
that.
I think you're getting

233
00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:15,080
percentage of that because
you're the agent under

234
00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:17,360
brokerage.
So the brokers take like let's

235
00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:18,600
say you get.
Brokerage takes enough.

236
00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:21,400
You get one month, you get one
month, you split that 5050

237
00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:24,000
between the buyers and the
seller, you know, between both

238
00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:29,920
representatives, and then you
get let's say 30% of that half

239
00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:33,800
that first month's rent.
If my broker's only giving me

240
00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:37,720
30%, I would have quit.
Yeah, Now is that what they did

241
00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:39,040
in New York?
In New York.

242
00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:42,360
Mine's 8020 but I also.
You get 80, they get 20.

243
00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:44,920
They keep 20, I keep 80.
That's a lot.

244
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:50,080
And so normally it's like 7030.
They keep 30, I got 8020.

245
00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:53,080
And then and as you progress
through your career and as you

246
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:55,480
bring them more money, you can
renegotiate the Commission

247
00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:56,200
split.
Yeah.

248
00:11:56,640 --> 00:11:59,720
And so, yeah, for now, that's
that's what it.

249
00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:01,520
Is that's awesome.
It is that's awesome.

250
00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:05,320
By the way, I, I think mine was
6040 in the brokerages favorite.

251
00:12:05,320 --> 00:12:08,600
So I'll get 40% of the one
months rent for closing the deal

252
00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:11,760
because they claim they hey,
they, they don't claim they,

253
00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:14,400
they have the leads and they
have the, you know, they gave

254
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:15,880
you all the work And so they're
like.

255
00:12:15,880 --> 00:12:18,120
Right.
And if a brokerage is giving you

256
00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:23,240
a lot, it can be worth it to
like put that with them Exp.

257
00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:26,680
It was like one of those ones
where it was like 9010.

258
00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:29,720
And so it's more attractive, but
it's also an online brokerage.

259
00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:32,440
So you don't get that face to
face with your broker.

260
00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:37,840
You don't have that like in
office presence like so that's

261
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:39,320
why I say every brokerage is
different.

262
00:12:39,320 --> 00:12:42,680
Some now there's 100% you keep
100% of Commission.

263
00:12:42,680 --> 00:12:44,280
I'm like but those.
Brokerages.

264
00:12:44,440 --> 00:12:46,480
Why do they do nothing?
They give you nothing.

265
00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:48,040
It's just.
It's just something for you to

266
00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:51,120
keep to just a brokerage for you
to associate park.

267
00:12:51,120 --> 00:12:52,520
Your license, right?
Exactly.

268
00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:54,080
But it's not really going to get
anything out.

269
00:12:54,080 --> 00:12:58,320
So what do they get out of that?
If, if you, if, if I'm a

270
00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:01,880
brokerage and you're keeping 100
and I'm giving you 100%.

271
00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:04,280
You probably have a monthly fee
or something.

272
00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:06,320
Gotcha.
OK, that would be my guess.

273
00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:09,640
And then they're just betting on
a bunch of agents who may or may

274
00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:12,520
not do business with them,
really don't really do much for

275
00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:14,640
them, but they're paying a
monthly subscription.

276
00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:15,400
Exactly.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

277
00:13:15,680 --> 00:13:16,960
So.
There's all these different

278
00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:17,920
models.
OK, cool.

279
00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:19,680
Yeah, there's nothing about.
Yeah.

280
00:13:19,680 --> 00:13:23,600
So I started with the Exp during
that internship and then not

281
00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:27,080
long after that realized it
wasn't I was actually on a team

282
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,840
because it was through this
internship and it was like prior

283
00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:32,920
military people who knew about
this program got their real

284
00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:36,360
estate team on the program.
And then they're all in

285
00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:39,160
California.
I'm the only agent in Florida.

286
00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:42,720
And I had a lot of access to
them and they had a ton of

287
00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:44,880
resources for me.
Like for like the first three

288
00:13:44,880 --> 00:13:47,920
months of living here, I was
just like on their portal

289
00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:50,920
everyday studying, learning,
There was a ton of good stuff,

290
00:13:51,440 --> 00:13:54,120
but I didn't have that support.
I didn't have that mentorship

291
00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:57,680
that I was hoping for.
So that's when I was like, OK,

292
00:13:58,320 --> 00:14:01,720
actually I didn't even reach out
the broker I was talking about

293
00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:04,680
commenting on my Instagram story
was like, hey, like, I think

294
00:14:04,680 --> 00:14:06,720
it's time we like repay.
You're doing well.

295
00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:10,320
Do you make that story?
Do you make that video?

296
00:14:10,320 --> 00:14:14,760
The story The other day, you had
a funny video on your story, I

297
00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:20,120
think yesterday or two days ago
about shit, dude, you have to

298
00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:21,760
pull it up.
I don't remember what it was,

299
00:14:22,680 --> 00:14:25,200
but it was super well edited.
It was funny and it was about

300
00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:27,640
like that feeling of like, oh
man.

301
00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:29,560
Wait, was it like the avocado
toast?

302
00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:31,840
Thing yes yes yes yes the
avocado toast thing that when

303
00:14:31,840 --> 00:14:34,160
you start buying avocado toast,
you can afford all these to

304
00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:36,400
afford all your.
Apartment I didn't make it, but

305
00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:39,480
I was dying laughing when I saw
that because that's like total

306
00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:42,920
Dave Ramsey's big on like I
think that comes from him where

307
00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:46,120
he's like people just stopped
buying avocado toast dude take.

308
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:50,480
$15 first like.
Sourdough bread.

309
00:14:50,480 --> 00:14:52,120
It was just sourdough.
Some avocado.

310
00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:53,560
Give me $15.
Yeah.

311
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:57,240
No, our generations financial
problems would be solved if we

312
00:14:57,240 --> 00:14:58,760
just stopped buying avocado
toast.

313
00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:00,480
Yeah, that's it.
We would have own houses.

314
00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:01,080
Mansion.
Sure.

315
00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:01,880
These.
Sure.

316
00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:04,480
Sure, for sure.
So that video cracked me up.

317
00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:07,200
They did a very good job.
I wish I could make videos that

318
00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:08,840
good.
Usually usually work on that

319
00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:12,680
too, because I feel like that's
what would make a difference in

320
00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:16,000
like today's world, what people
are looking for especially like

321
00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:19,960
because younger, the younger
generations becoming adults and

322
00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:22,600
they're, I even know what to
call it the younger generation,

323
00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:23,720
right.
I don't even know what the term

324
00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:27,240
is, but kids that were growing
up on social media with reels

325
00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:29,560
and with all and videos and
stuff and entertainment like

326
00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:32,240
mixed with business.
Yeah, it's great advertising.

327
00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:35,840
It really is.
And I, I used to do that like

328
00:15:35,840 --> 00:15:40,160
back when I was in with the last
brokerage, I was trying heavily

329
00:15:40,160 --> 00:15:42,200
to focus on, you could scroll
through my Instagram and see a

330
00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:43,800
couple.
Yeah, I was trying to make like

331
00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:47,240
edutainment videos where it's
like educational and

332
00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:49,760
entertainment and I got good
feedback.

333
00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:52,080
It was.
But dude, I don't like some

334
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:55,960
process of trying to film my
whole day or like shoot all

335
00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:58,000
these videos and then sit down,
edit them.

336
00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:01,320
And then it's just like it's
exhausting and it's not what I

337
00:16:01,640 --> 00:16:03,440
wanted to be doing, so if I
could.

338
00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:05,720
By the way, that's what I don't
do meals for my own podcast,

339
00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:06,680
dude.
It's because I don't have the

340
00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:08,240
patience for it.
Yeah, it's a lot.

341
00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:11,560
I mean, eventually maybe hire
somebody, hire somebody and that

342
00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:17,560
would be ideal, but it's a lot
and it and honestly, I have been

343
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:21,800
having this resistance with real
estate, which is also kind of

344
00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:23,600
shifting my mentality towards
like.

345
00:16:23,840 --> 00:16:26,160
The personal resistance.
Hard for me to want to put in

346
00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:29,520
that additional work to like
shoot videos and stuff.

347
00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:33,840
What do you mean resistance?
Like from yourself?

348
00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:36,520
Like you're not sure whether you
want to stay in it or not.

349
00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:40,960
Yeah.
So for me, real estate was

350
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:45,600
bridging that gap between
ideally becoming an investor in

351
00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:48,360
real estate at some point,
owning my own portfolio, scaling

352
00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:51,920
that through rentals.
But you don't just get out of

353
00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:55,040
the military with little income
and jump into that.

354
00:16:55,040 --> 00:16:56,880
Yeah, sure.
So for me, it was like, oh,

355
00:16:56,880 --> 00:16:58,680
well, I can get my real estate
license.

356
00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:00,880
I can learn the insurance and
outs of the business.

357
00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:04,040
I can build capital, keep that
as my business and then find

358
00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:07,359
deals and bring them in as my,
my as I go along.

359
00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:09,640
Yeah.
However, three years into the

360
00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:14,960
business, I realized that like,
I'm not fully fulfilled in my

361
00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:15,760
role.
Sure.

362
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:23,760
It's that I think coupled with
the disconnect after being in

363
00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:26,760
the military, I think there's
like a silent battle that all

364
00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:30,040
veterans go through.
It's like a mental struggle just

365
00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:32,320
of like lack of purpose or
fulfillment or.

366
00:17:33,040 --> 00:17:35,280
What I do IP games?
What's that you gotta do?

367
00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:39,240
IP game or shrooms or some kind
of psychedelic or something.

368
00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:41,600
Like that, right?
To pull me out of that, Yeah,

369
00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:44,360
even.
Thinking about that, well also

370
00:17:44,360 --> 00:17:47,960
being a real estate agent is, I
mean you work as hard as you

371
00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:49,760
choose to work.
Right, right.

372
00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:51,520
It's a joke that.
It's a joke that every Jewish

373
00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:54,080
mom in South Florida is a real
estate agent, you know, because

374
00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:57,160
like whenever they feel like,
you know, they have 345 kids,

375
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,080
that whatever you feel, whatever
work you feel like doing, you

376
00:17:59,080 --> 00:18:00,400
can do.
And the days that you want to

377
00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:01,800
work, you do.
And if you don't want to do a

378
00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:04,400
show when you cancel and like
it's OK, no one really cares,

379
00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:07,320
you know, like, right.
Or you could be like, I have a

380
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:13,280
friend of mine from, from my gap
year and his dad passed away, I

381
00:18:13,280 --> 00:18:18,320
think when he was a junior or
senior in high school and, and

382
00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:21,440
he got his real estate license
as soon as he went to college

383
00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:24,640
and he started hustling crazy
and he was able to take his

384
00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:29,440
family on like this vacation to
Israel from America.

385
00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:31,800
Like I'd say, I don't know
exactly.

386
00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:35,680
I'd say four or five people, fly
them across the world, you know,

387
00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:39,240
put them up in this hotel for 10
days and take them back.

388
00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:42,040
And because he spent.
A year and a half, two years

389
00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:44,760
hustling his ass off, you know,
and and he did it and like he

390
00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:46,200
turned it into like a legitimate
business.

391
00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:49,600
He became a three guys on
brokerage, you know, license and

392
00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:51,760
he opened the brokerage of his
own name and he's doing his own

393
00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:54,520
thing.
But like, as you know, like

394
00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:57,360
there's every everything in
between the Jewish moms and this

395
00:18:57,400 --> 00:18:59,920
and that kind of guy, you know,
it's a full scale.

396
00:18:59,920 --> 00:19:03,520
Spectrum of like the agents who
are running their business like

397
00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:06,360
a business, they show up every
day, they're kicking ass and the

398
00:19:06,360 --> 00:19:09,520
people who wake up and they wait
until something falls in the

399
00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:12,120
bond.
Check it out.

400
00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:15,880
Boxers all day.
Right, Hanging out the pool when

401
00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:20,160
someone gives you a call, you
know, and so I've always tried

402
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:23,520
to be the person that is very
disciplined, schedule, routine.

403
00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:27,200
And for me, you know, there's a
lot of things I love about real

404
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:29,600
estate.
There's a lot of things I hate

405
00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:32,800
about real estate.
And so trying to find fine

406
00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:35,760
balance between that.
Honestly, I couldn't tell you

407
00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:39,120
where I'm at with it right now
because I've been trying, I've

408
00:19:39,120 --> 00:19:43,360
been battling with like where I
want to take it, trying to

409
00:19:43,360 --> 00:19:46,200
remember that this wasn't my end
goal, that this is just like a

410
00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:49,320
part of the process.
And I think in life there's a

411
00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:52,480
fine balance of like doing
things that you don't like,

412
00:19:53,120 --> 00:19:54,920
sacrificing for their greater
good.

413
00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:59,760
And also remembering that you
have to chase what really lights

414
00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:04,120
you up and have fulfillment
because otherwise, what are you

415
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:05,960
living with?
Like what's the purpose of life?

416
00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:08,920
You know, I think there's too
many people that get to that end

417
00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:11,320
stage and they're like, I wish I
would have done things

418
00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:12,920
differently.
I hear it all the time.

419
00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:16,000
I've asked very successful real
estate developers.

420
00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:19,440
People who are older, wiser.
And I'm like, what would you

421
00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:21,600
have done differently?
Or if you could go back and

422
00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:23,240
like, I wouldn't, I wouldn't
have done it.

423
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:25,400
I would have done that totally
something really.

424
00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:28,160
You know, they say that and I'm
like, yeah, yeah, I've had, I've

425
00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:31,080
talked to a billionaire who's
like, he's a top 10 on the

426
00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:32,680
Forbes list and he's said the
same thing.

427
00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:34,640
Really.
You know, I'm like, is that

428
00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:36,960
true, though?
Because you have something, you

429
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:39,400
have such a legacy.
I think it is dude.

430
00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:47,000
The only reason why I think that
is because people that

431
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:48,840
especially people that are
billionaires, especially people

432
00:20:48,840 --> 00:20:54,760
that have like built that much,
there's a level of trying to

433
00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:58,320
accomplish something, something.
And you know, a lot of times if

434
00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:00,560
you don't know what you're
trying to accomplish, you turn

435
00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:02,520
to money or business or power,
right?

436
00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:04,800
Because like, like if you're
trying to find meaning, if

437
00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:07,920
you're trying to find, you know,
someone that will accept you in

438
00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:10,360
your life, I'd say you were
rejected as a kid your whole

439
00:21:10,360 --> 00:21:12,520
life or your parent or you felt
like your parents didn't pay

440
00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:13,680
enough attention to whatever it
was.

441
00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:15,520
Or even if it's subconscious,
even if you don't know, you

442
00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:18,040
know, and like all you want to
do is try to get people to pay

443
00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:23,040
attention to you.
An unhealthy Ave. is to try to

444
00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:25,120
get attention in any way that
you can't.

445
00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:27,120
You know, it doesn't make a
difference who's paying

446
00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:29,200
attention to you, how much time
you spend doing it.

447
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:32,600
You know, you know, whether it's
destructive to your other

448
00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:34,440
relationships, whether it's
destructive to your hobbies or

449
00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:36,280
your passions.
Like it's like this thing that

450
00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:38,200
you want that's driving you,
that's getting you there.

451
00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:40,840
And then there's the people that
like know what they're looking

452
00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:44,240
for in their lives.
And then when they and by

453
00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:46,560
accomplishing it, they're happy.
And they don't need to get to

454
00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:48,240
billions that billionaire
status.

455
00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:51,720
They don't need to get to Forbes
top ten status or to any of

456
00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:53,640
that.
They're like like, you know,

457
00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:56,320
they're just people that have
extraordinarily successful

458
00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:59,840
careers at what they do and have
happy lives with their family

459
00:21:59,840 --> 00:22:02,640
and their friends and they just
like live happy lives and die

460
00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:04,000
happy people, you know, and
like.

461
00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:05,480
And that's the goal.
It's like, yeah.

462
00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:09,320
That's the goal.
Pursuing that like extra wealth

463
00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:11,680
so you can live comfortable, so
you can bless other people in

464
00:22:11,680 --> 00:22:14,920
their lives, but not doing it at
the sacrifice of like being a

465
00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:18,560
workaholic, your family, not
feeling like you're around

466
00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:21,280
things like that.
Like that's all I feel like in

467
00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:24,120
my military career in the
earlier days, I like fully

468
00:22:24,120 --> 00:22:29,240
absorbed that identity of like
trying to just be a go getter,

469
00:22:29,560 --> 00:22:32,440
climb the ladder, climb the
ranks.

470
00:22:32,440 --> 00:22:35,760
And like, I didn't care if like
I had to step on toes, like I

471
00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:38,600
was progressing and I was doing
it fast.

472
00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:43,080
And then I look back, I'm like,
man, I wish I would have taken a

473
00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:46,040
break and focused on some of the
relationships, been a better

474
00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:51,040
mentor to others around me.
And so now that's, that's a big

475
00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:52,800
focus in the line.
It's just like giving back.

476
00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:56,280
And like that's also like look,
look back and help others get to

477
00:22:56,280 --> 00:22:57,960
where you.
There's got to be really great

478
00:22:57,960 --> 00:23:03,320
ways to be able to make a career
out of something like that while

479
00:23:03,320 --> 00:23:05,680
both being successful and of
yourself and also being

480
00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:08,360
inspirational and motivational.
For sure there's gotta be.

481
00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:11,320
I think social media, that's one
of the nice things about social

482
00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:14,640
media, is there.
You can just shoot a video and

483
00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:18,400
say what's on your mind.
But then it's also falls back to

484
00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:22,200
that part of me doesn't want to
do that because I don't want to

485
00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:23,640
have my phone in front of me all
the time.

486
00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:24,600
Yeah, I want like.
Real.

487
00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:26,520
It's exhausting, dude, It's
exhausting.

488
00:23:26,720 --> 00:23:28,840
In it for sure, for sure, for
sure, yeah.

489
00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:30,840
It's funny, it's funny that you
say that because recently I've

490
00:23:30,840 --> 00:23:36,040
been like for for a couple
years, I only like, I associated

491
00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:41,120
my well, my well-being with how
productive I was, right?

492
00:23:41,120 --> 00:23:43,640
And so I was trying to always
jam more in how to be more

493
00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:45,360
efficient, how to be more
productive, how to do this

494
00:23:45,360 --> 00:23:48,120
better and spend my time better
and, you know, utilize this and

495
00:23:48,120 --> 00:23:50,160
that and that.
And at a certain point I was

496
00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:52,560
like, I'm not even, I'm not even
enjoying what I'm doing.

497
00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:55,320
Like the thing I love, I love
writing, I love playing guitar.

498
00:23:55,320 --> 00:23:58,440
I love, I love, I love sales.
I love talking to customers and

499
00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:01,320
getting them to and get, and,
you know, and, and making a

500
00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:03,360
connection with someone and then
having them buy something.

501
00:24:03,360 --> 00:24:06,760
I mean, like, I trust you over
XYZ competitor and I'm going to

502
00:24:06,760 --> 00:24:08,360
buy something from you.
I'm like, that's awesome, you

503
00:24:08,360 --> 00:24:13,440
know, but but I was so focused
on like optimizing that I didn't

504
00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:17,560
focus on like being present,
being a dad.

505
00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:20,320
You know, I have a 2 1/2 year
old and I have a 2 month old and

506
00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:24,000
I'm like, I'm so busy running
around doing things for them and

507
00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:27,800
doing things with them that I
was like, but without actually

508
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:32,600
being present in like what I was
actually doing, you know, that I

509
00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:36,160
that at a certain point I was
like, I'm not even like, I'm

510
00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:38,640
even like I'm blacking out my
days, you know, like, you know,

511
00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:41,160
and like.
What did you do today?

512
00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:45,600
And you're like, so much I look
at my list because I have to

513
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:47,280
keep a list for everything and
check it off.

514
00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:50,480
And that's how I am.
I'm like, how do I not remember

515
00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:52,640
my whole day and or the day
before?

516
00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:55,320
I'm like, because everything for
me is like, become a list.

517
00:24:55,480 --> 00:24:57,040
I have to check it off.
Yeah.

518
00:24:57,360 --> 00:25:01,360
Do you take time to, like, sit
down and reflect and like, yeah.

519
00:25:01,360 --> 00:25:03,040
Leave reflect.
I started to more.

520
00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:07,160
I do well, I started to on a
regular basis.

521
00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:09,360
I've always done it on like a,
let's say a weekly basis or

522
00:25:09,360 --> 00:25:10,680
whatever because I like to write
a lot.

523
00:25:10,880 --> 00:25:14,000
So when I write that's very,
that's a lot of reflective time,

524
00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:15,440
just like.
Journaling.

525
00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:18,360
Yeah.
I'll do either, I'll either

526
00:25:18,360 --> 00:25:21,200
write what are called, but I
called dear me letters, which

527
00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:25,520
are just like dear me.
Things are pretty good.

528
00:25:26,040 --> 00:25:30,360
I'm happy about this, but I'm
not happy about this, you know,

529
00:25:30,360 --> 00:25:35,880
but and then a lot of times my
fingers are just like go and

530
00:25:35,880 --> 00:25:39,440
I'll write things that I've
never said or even realized that

531
00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:43,080
I was thinking before.
And I'm like, oh shit, you know,

532
00:25:43,320 --> 00:25:44,640
there's a real.
Power to it.

533
00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:47,400
And I'm learning this as well.
Like this has become a new thing

534
00:25:47,400 --> 00:25:50,040
for me.
But I listened to your last

535
00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:51,440
podcast with Chris.
Yeah.

536
00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:53,640
And you guys were talking about
the breathing.

537
00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:55,240
Yeah.
And so that's something.

538
00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:57,480
That breath work dude.
Doing breath work, have you?

539
00:25:58,120 --> 00:25:59,280
Yeah, and what do you think,
dude?

540
00:25:59,360 --> 00:26:01,560
A lot of people to talk to him
about this, so I'm glad that.

541
00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:04,600
Wow, I'm going to my first class
this week.

542
00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:05,480
Oh, really?
Yeah.

543
00:26:05,560 --> 00:26:08,160
We've done it at a class.
Yeah, But have you heard of,

544
00:26:08,160 --> 00:26:09,880
like, Wim Hof?
No, Wim Hof.

545
00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:13,480
Great.
So Wim Hof is a guy who he's set

546
00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:16,880
all these different world
records and he's really big into

547
00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:19,320
like going into ice cold.
Like he's big on the cold

548
00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:22,360
plunges, but breathing and like
different things.

549
00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:28,680
And I can't remember how I came
across and it was a long time

550
00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:30,960
ago.
And then when I was going

551
00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:34,200
through this rut with like work
and then being out of the

552
00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:39,440
military and trying to find my
place, I came into like the

553
00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:43,200
breathing exercises.
And so I found I saw the William

554
00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:44,720
Hoff and I was like, Oh, this is
crazy.

555
00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:50,000
I was doing this previously in a
very similar way.

556
00:26:50,360 --> 00:26:52,760
And now I have someone who's
like teaching me, like showing

557
00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:54,920
it.
So I, I did the program and

558
00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:59,520
really got into like right now I
would say like I'm in the space

559
00:26:59,520 --> 00:27:04,960
of like learning the profound
effects that come, isn't it?

560
00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:07,240
Crazy.
Wait, so tell me some of your

561
00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:10,960
experiences that you have, if
any any come to mind.

562
00:27:10,960 --> 00:27:14,360
But yeah, sure.
So the Wim Hof specifically is

563
00:27:14,360 --> 00:27:17,240
like supposed to like boost your
mood, your energy.

564
00:27:17,240 --> 00:27:19,840
It's good for like combating
like depression, anxiety.

565
00:27:19,840 --> 00:27:21,080
OK.
And I know that there's

566
00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:24,000
different types of breathing.
There's like the much faster

567
00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:26,280
style.
That's like hyperventilating.

568
00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:29,040
Yeah, like Holotropic, yeah, or
something.

569
00:27:29,520 --> 00:27:30,680
There's all these different
ones.

570
00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:33,120
So I'm in the process of
experimenting with these

571
00:27:33,120 --> 00:27:35,640
different breathings and seeing
what brings it to me.

572
00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:39,880
Wim Hof I really enjoy.
Then there's another one that's

573
00:27:39,880 --> 00:27:42,040
called Breathe with Sandy on
YouTube.

574
00:27:42,040 --> 00:27:44,400
OK.
And this guy, he does a lot of

575
00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:46,880
different ones.
And when I do some of the

576
00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:49,760
breathing, since you're asking
about my experience, there's

577
00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:53,720
been times where like, and this
is when I'm like really deeply

578
00:27:53,720 --> 00:27:57,280
breathing and like pushing
through that mental block and my

579
00:27:57,280 --> 00:28:02,920
hands will cramp up and that.
And they say like, oh, like

580
00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:05,560
there's going to be like some
numbing or this and that.

581
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:08,560
And I had to like ChatGPT like
what?

582
00:28:08,560 --> 00:28:12,040
This is why it's.
Happening well because when

583
00:28:12,040 --> 00:28:14,240
you're cramps there are
consequences of not getting

584
00:28:14,240 --> 00:28:15,840
oxygen through your body.
Right, Yeah, right.

585
00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:17,440
So it's like a depletion of like
your.

586
00:28:17,440 --> 00:28:20,040
Yeah, yeah, something.
Like I actually felt that today

587
00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:22,240
on a jog.
I got back to my jog and my

588
00:28:22,240 --> 00:28:26,920
hands felt I, I can tell it was
I was not breathing properly on

589
00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:28,760
my jog.
I don't know whether it was the

590
00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:31,000
music I was listening to in the
podcast that it started with or

591
00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:36,400
ended with, but like, I got home
and I was like, something's

592
00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:37,720
wrong.
And I was like, I know it has to

593
00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:40,320
do with the breathing that I've
been doing, you know, because I

594
00:28:40,320 --> 00:28:43,440
was definitely, you know, I was
definitely oxygen and depleted

595
00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:45,080
for sure.
Yeah, I can talk about how it's

596
00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:48,240
helped me with running as well.
And this is probably going to

597
00:28:48,240 --> 00:28:51,600
scare people out of wanting to
breathe talking about it, but

598
00:28:51,600 --> 00:28:55,320
like, my hands had actually
like, like cramped up like that.

599
00:28:55,320 --> 00:28:57,800
Like as if you got the Stinger.
Sure.

600
00:28:58,160 --> 00:28:59,080
Creep.
Yep.

601
00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:00,520
What is this?
I haven't had this southern

602
00:29:00,520 --> 00:29:01,720
bloom.
It's right here.

603
00:29:01,720 --> 00:29:04,360
It's a it's a pills near.
It's a great beer.

604
00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:06,960
It's from Local 3 Sun Brewery.
Is it going to?

605
00:29:07,040 --> 00:29:10,000
Be drunk before my event.
Where do you want it before you

606
00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:13,880
go?
The breathing has been

607
00:29:14,080 --> 00:29:16,520
phenomenal.
So for me, I've tried to

608
00:29:16,520 --> 00:29:19,800
incorporate it in my mornings
because what I feel like it does

609
00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:24,720
is it like raises my it, it
brings me to like my highest

610
00:29:24,920 --> 00:29:30,120
version of myself where I think
your morning habits can dictate

611
00:29:30,120 --> 00:29:34,600
your entire day, especially if
you're someone who's like not in

612
00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:38,000
the best place mentally.
Things aren't going your way.

613
00:29:38,040 --> 00:29:42,040
Like you have more reasons to be
upset than you do to to be happy

614
00:29:42,040 --> 00:29:42,920
or.
Productive.

615
00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:46,640
Or productive and so while when
you're unhappy, you're typically

616
00:29:46,640 --> 00:29:49,400
unproductive.
And so addressing that at the

617
00:29:49,400 --> 00:29:53,120
root cause, which the breathing,
what it does is it gets you to

618
00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:55,840
the mindset where like you tune
everything else out.

619
00:29:56,440 --> 00:29:59,760
So you can't just tell somebody
with a busy mind, especially an

620
00:29:59,760 --> 00:30:01,720
entrepreneur, to sit down and
meditate.

621
00:30:01,720 --> 00:30:03,680
It's not going to happen.
Your mind's wandering.

622
00:30:03,680 --> 00:30:05,280
You're thinking about 100 things
at once.

623
00:30:05,720 --> 00:30:09,480
But if you go through this
process of breathing and you get

624
00:30:09,480 --> 00:30:12,800
to that point where it's like
you're just, everything's still

625
00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:15,200
in your mind.
And then you don't even have to

626
00:30:15,200 --> 00:30:17,680
think about what it is you're
trying to solve.

627
00:30:17,680 --> 00:30:21,840
But all of a sudden answers just
start coming to us and it that's

628
00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:23,800
the craziest point.
So you want to talk about my

629
00:30:23,800 --> 00:30:25,560
experience, the revelations that
I've had?

630
00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:26,840
Yes.
Dude for sure.

631
00:30:26,840 --> 00:30:30,720
From just sitting in that
stillness and then something I'm

632
00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:34,760
not thinking about currently,
like maybe last week's problem.

633
00:30:34,760 --> 00:30:37,040
Yeah, boom.
An answer comes to me.

634
00:30:37,080 --> 00:30:40,120
Yeah.
And I'm like, where's that come

635
00:30:40,120 --> 00:30:40,600
from?
Yeah.

636
00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:43,240
Because it, it's, I still can't
explain it.

637
00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:44,880
I'm still trying to figure this
out now.

638
00:30:44,880 --> 00:30:47,880
So I think I'll tell you what I
think and what I've heard.

639
00:30:51,760 --> 00:30:59,320
Cheers.
First of all, with our phones

640
00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:02,880
and social media and podcasts
and music in your car and

641
00:31:02,880 --> 00:31:06,440
screens, we experience non stomp
stimulus.

642
00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:12,000
I don't think, I don't think our
brains are meant to be

643
00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:17,080
responding to high intensity
stimulants all the time.

644
00:31:17,760 --> 00:31:19,320
And that's our lives.
Agree, right.

645
00:31:19,320 --> 00:31:23,160
And so when you're breathing or
when you're stopping, I think

646
00:31:23,160 --> 00:31:27,120
that our breeds have developed
in a sense to for, you know, to

647
00:31:27,200 --> 00:31:30,920
require some downtime and to
require some time without

648
00:31:30,920 --> 00:31:32,600
stimulants.
So you could like kind of rest

649
00:31:32,600 --> 00:31:36,120
and ponder and figure out your
own thoughts and your own

650
00:31:36,120 --> 00:31:39,320
experiences, your own problems.
You know, and like, it's like if

651
00:31:39,320 --> 00:31:42,840
you're jogging, no matter how
good of a jogger you are, it's

652
00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:45,320
not going to be the same thing.
And you know, it's not going to

653
00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:47,360
be something that's laying on
the couch, you know, like, no

654
00:31:47,360 --> 00:31:49,680
matter how like, let's say
you're a marathon sprinter and

655
00:31:49,680 --> 00:31:51,280
you're going for a four mile
run, right?

656
00:31:51,720 --> 00:31:53,680
It's not hard for you, you know,
it's not hard for you.

657
00:31:53,680 --> 00:31:56,200
You know, you're not like
working too hard, but it's not

658
00:31:56,200 --> 00:31:58,640
the same thing as being still
hanging out of bed, you know?

659
00:31:58,640 --> 00:32:01,280
And so I think that like it's
like, I think that the breathing

660
00:32:01,560 --> 00:32:05,920
is the equivalent of giving our
brain an opportunity to rest and

661
00:32:05,920 --> 00:32:09,760
process all the things that we
haven't had a chance to to

662
00:32:09,760 --> 00:32:12,000
process because we've been
surrounded, because we're

663
00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:13,600
surrounding ourselves with so
many stimulants.

664
00:32:14,080 --> 00:32:17,880
Like I decided the other day,
like I realize I'm spending, I'm

665
00:32:17,880 --> 00:32:20,680
listening to way too many
podcasts, spending way too much

666
00:32:20,680 --> 00:32:24,080
time on Twitter.
And I'm like, I just feel like

667
00:32:24,080 --> 00:32:27,360
my brain isn't even my brain.
I feel like I'm just like a

668
00:32:27,360 --> 00:32:30,280
sponge for outside information.
I don't have my own way of

669
00:32:30,280 --> 00:32:32,840
thinking right now, right?
And as I'm talking about like

670
00:32:32,840 --> 00:32:35,800
delete the apps, yeah.
So like give myself a day or two

671
00:32:35,800 --> 00:32:39,280
of just like break because our
phones are very good at just

672
00:32:39,280 --> 00:32:42,120
sending us a notification.
Like, hey, you've been going too

673
00:32:42,120 --> 00:32:43,200
long.
You are like.

674
00:32:43,920 --> 00:32:44,960
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What are you up to?

675
00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:46,200
Come hang out here for 20
minutes.

676
00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:49,000
And half an hour and then you
end up scrolling for much longer

677
00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:51,120
and it's like, yeah, that's.
The So I've been much more

678
00:32:51,120 --> 00:32:56,600
conscious to like the last week
even just to like have quiet

679
00:32:56,600 --> 00:32:59,600
time without somebody playing in
the background or to have time

680
00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:03,040
to read or time to just like sit
and write or a time to just go

681
00:33:03,040 --> 00:33:04,920
for a walk without anything even
jumping down the block.

682
00:33:04,920 --> 00:33:06,880
You know, like, just like a
couple of, you know, just like

683
00:33:06,880 --> 00:33:10,000
5-10 minutes and like you feel
like you're getting your own

684
00:33:10,000 --> 00:33:12,240
life, you're getting autonomy
back, you're getting your own

685
00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:14,280
perspective back, your own
thoughts, your own, like

686
00:33:14,320 --> 00:33:16,320
whatever.
Yeah, it gives you time in the

687
00:33:16,320 --> 00:33:17,800
process.
It's very powerful.

688
00:33:17,800 --> 00:33:18,640
Thing.
So what?

689
00:33:18,760 --> 00:33:20,240
What other realizations have you
had?

690
00:33:21,120 --> 00:33:24,200
Well, with deep breathing, let's
see.

691
00:33:26,600 --> 00:33:28,000
There we go.
Different reading.

692
00:33:28,240 --> 00:33:31,920
I've, I, I had one the other day
that I don't want to talk about

693
00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:34,800
it because I'm waiting to see if
it plays out and if it does, I

694
00:33:34,800 --> 00:33:39,160
will that will be like my
testimony for like how effective

695
00:33:39,200 --> 00:33:41,800
it is.
Sweet because it was just like

696
00:33:41,800 --> 00:33:43,840
one of those things that popped
in my head and it felt like it

697
00:33:43,840 --> 00:33:48,160
was the extension of the plan
that I had in place and the next

698
00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:53,960
steps just came into mind.
Sweet and even since then, a

699
00:33:53,960 --> 00:33:56,800
couple things have like popped
up that have like gone along

700
00:33:56,800 --> 00:33:59,080
with them like it's just it's
crazy.

701
00:33:59,480 --> 00:34:05,000
It's crazy and I'm I'm somebody
who I'm spiritual, so I believe

702
00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:09,080
that, you know, I don't know,
it's tough for me to say because

703
00:34:09,080 --> 00:34:10,440
I'm what do you think?
Figure all this stuff.

704
00:34:11,560 --> 00:34:14,120
I want to hear.
I think it opens you up to like

705
00:34:14,120 --> 00:34:20,679
a new like just a a higher
frequency of yourself, like.

706
00:34:21,320 --> 00:34:23,360
Spirituality new to you You've
always been spiritual.

707
00:34:25,120 --> 00:34:29,679
You've always been open to.
Religious I was religious since

708
00:34:29,679 --> 00:34:33,840
high school and as a Christian
was going to church when I got

709
00:34:33,840 --> 00:34:38,000
into the military.
Had a couple experiences and a

710
00:34:38,000 --> 00:34:41,400
really close friend of mine who
I'm still in touch with has kind

711
00:34:41,400 --> 00:34:47,520
of drawn me closer to my faith.
Faith in God and however, once I

712
00:34:47,520 --> 00:34:57,680
got out of the military and this
is maybe 8-9 months ago, I

713
00:34:57,680 --> 00:35:00,560
started kind of deconstructing
my faith my.

714
00:35:00,560 --> 00:35:02,240
Religion.
Is it like examining?

715
00:35:02,240 --> 00:35:06,800
It examining it a lot further,
asking more questions, not

716
00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:12,400
taking scripture like it's like
definitive, like it's like the

717
00:35:12,520 --> 00:35:16,280
only and and as soon as I
started questioning things is

718
00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:19,120
when I started feeling like I
was coming across more things

719
00:35:19,120 --> 00:35:22,320
that like really just kind of
like threw me in a pit of

720
00:35:22,320 --> 00:35:24,840
despair.
And it was like for for me it

721
00:35:24,840 --> 00:35:27,680
was.
It was how do you know all this

722
00:35:27,680 --> 00:35:30,720
is bullshit kind of thing.
Yeah, and I'm someone who I take

723
00:35:30,720 --> 00:35:33,480
everything with a grain of salt.
I'm not just like, oh, I see

724
00:35:33,480 --> 00:35:35,200
this, I believe this, I see
this, I believe this.

725
00:35:35,200 --> 00:35:38,080
Like, I, I was firm in my faith
and I think that that's what

726
00:35:38,080 --> 00:35:41,760
threw me off so much.
Is that now I'm confused in my

727
00:35:41,760 --> 00:35:42,240
faith?
Yeah.

728
00:35:42,280 --> 00:35:43,960
Now I'm questioning things.
Yeah.

729
00:35:44,360 --> 00:35:47,560
And so I still believe in in
God.

730
00:35:47,560 --> 00:35:50,320
And the reason why is because I
feel like I really had

731
00:35:50,880 --> 00:35:54,080
connections and things that I
would give credit to to God for.

732
00:35:54,080 --> 00:35:56,080
So I know that that.
Was real.

733
00:35:56,120 --> 00:35:58,720
It's because of your experience.
Yeah, it's, I know it was real.

734
00:35:58,720 --> 00:36:00,320
Yeah.
However, I just don't know if

735
00:36:00,320 --> 00:36:04,560
the stories that I was taught
are all the certain fact.

736
00:36:04,680 --> 00:36:06,600
Yeah, dude.
And so that's where I'm.

737
00:36:06,600 --> 00:36:09,560
Yeah, dude, that's that's where.
I'm that's interesting.

738
00:36:09,720 --> 00:36:11,840
That's crazy, by the way.
So it's funny you say because

739
00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:17,040
I've had in my life, I've had my
religion, my religious

740
00:36:18,080 --> 00:36:23,960
perspective perspective
shattered, like completely

741
00:36:23,960 --> 00:36:28,240
shattered probably 5 or 6 times.
Really.

742
00:36:28,320 --> 00:36:31,000
Yeah.
And I was learning about Judaism

743
00:36:31,320 --> 00:36:35,040
you on the last podcast, and
it's so new to me being here in

744
00:36:35,040 --> 00:36:38,040
Florida.
I was never really, there was 1

745
00:36:38,040 --> 00:36:40,320
I think, Jewish girl in my
school, or at least that's what

746
00:36:40,320 --> 00:36:42,960
I knew about it.
So I wasn't ever around it.

747
00:36:43,200 --> 00:36:45,000
And then find out there's a big
population here in South

748
00:36:45,000 --> 00:36:47,520
Florida, and especially when I
sold the house down the street.

749
00:36:49,560 --> 00:36:51,240
It was.
Only families coming.

750
00:36:51,240 --> 00:36:53,320
Yeah, that's right.
So I was learning about the

751
00:36:53,320 --> 00:36:55,120
holidays and the different
things.

752
00:36:55,120 --> 00:36:59,920
And as a Christian, a lot of
this stuff that like anything

753
00:36:59,920 --> 00:37:02,360
that doesn't fit into the
boundaries is like, that's like

754
00:37:02,360 --> 00:37:04,920
devil worship, devil worship,
like it doesn't make sense.

755
00:37:04,920 --> 00:37:07,560
Like it's all.
And so I lived a lot of my life

756
00:37:07,560 --> 00:37:10,960
feeling like.
Anyone that's outside of it is

757
00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:12,440
wrong, right?
Exactly.

758
00:37:12,640 --> 00:37:14,280
Like it's this or that It's
tribal.

759
00:37:14,520 --> 00:37:15,760
Yeah, exactly.
It's very tribal.

760
00:37:16,240 --> 00:37:21,040
And I think religion and what
people like is certainty and

761
00:37:21,040 --> 00:37:22,800
community.
And I think there are two things

762
00:37:22,800 --> 00:37:25,960
that all religions provide.
And so it's really just who you

763
00:37:25,960 --> 00:37:28,640
fit with.
And so for me, it was like I no

764
00:37:28,640 --> 00:37:33,880
longer wanted to consider myself
one single thing and have

765
00:37:33,880 --> 00:37:37,840
certainty through that.
And so I was more like, OK, let

766
00:37:37,840 --> 00:37:41,120
me just start reading into these
other religions.

767
00:37:41,120 --> 00:37:46,040
And not that I'm, like, giving
too much focus into it, but I

768
00:37:46,040 --> 00:37:47,760
want to know.
I want to know what Judaism, but

769
00:37:47,760 --> 00:37:49,520
I don't want to know what the
Muslims believe.

770
00:37:49,520 --> 00:37:53,480
I want to know what?
Like, yeah, I want to know why

771
00:37:53,480 --> 00:37:55,520
they believe that and where did
it begin?

772
00:37:56,280 --> 00:38:00,040
And I have a whole notes page on
the deconstruction of my

773
00:38:00,160 --> 00:38:04,240
religion videos and blogs and
things I was reading.

774
00:38:04,240 --> 00:38:05,600
And I was.
That's good.

775
00:38:05,640 --> 00:38:09,400
Like what led me to my decision
where I'm at now?

776
00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:14,840
So I think that questions
questions are the best thing

777
00:38:14,840 --> 00:38:17,840
that you can do.
Yeah, and even my buddy who got

778
00:38:17,840 --> 00:38:22,120
me into Christianity told me
like God doesn't want us to be

779
00:38:22,440 --> 00:38:26,320
surface level beliefs.
We should question and we should

780
00:38:26,360 --> 00:38:30,040
like be firm in our faith
because so why I started

781
00:38:30,040 --> 00:38:33,800
deconstructing is because I
wanted to be able to answer what

782
00:38:33,800 --> 00:38:35,720
other people would question US
want.

783
00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:39,800
And when I started looking into
that, I started, yeah, started

784
00:38:39,800 --> 00:38:44,000
kind of wavering in my own like,
hey, how can I be so certain?

785
00:38:44,000 --> 00:38:47,360
I have to believe what I'm
taught if I want to be certain.

786
00:38:47,720 --> 00:38:50,200
And it's just not.
Yeah, you can't be.

787
00:38:50,880 --> 00:38:52,640
I don't think you could be.
Maybe you could be.

788
00:38:52,640 --> 00:38:57,560
And I don't know about it, but
I, my own experience, in my

789
00:38:57,600 --> 00:39:01,760
experience, my understanding,
it's interesting because you

790
00:39:01,760 --> 00:39:03,800
have the Bible, you have, you
know, let's say the five books

791
00:39:03,800 --> 00:39:07,200
of Moses, which Jews consider
the Torah.

792
00:39:07,200 --> 00:39:10,080
That's considered like, that's
where you know, and then you

793
00:39:10,080 --> 00:39:13,000
have a couple of collections of
other things like Psalms and

794
00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:16,520
stuff like that, but primarily
the five books of Moses, right.

795
00:39:16,520 --> 00:39:22,640
And in the Talmud and, and shit,
I forgot where I was going with

796
00:39:22,640 --> 00:39:24,440
this.
I totally forgot.

797
00:39:24,440 --> 00:39:29,600
I lost my train of thought, but
one of the thing, oh, so one of

798
00:39:29,600 --> 00:39:32,040
the things that, and it's funny
because you, you have

799
00:39:32,040 --> 00:39:36,560
commentators from 1500 years
ago, 2000 years ago, 2500 years

800
00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:39,320
ago.
Let's say this is not a history

801
00:39:39,320 --> 00:39:41,320
book.
This is not a textbook.

802
00:39:42,160 --> 00:39:44,560
This is truth.
I don't know what that means.

803
00:39:44,640 --> 00:39:47,480
How could something be true and
not like a history book, you

804
00:39:47,480 --> 00:39:48,480
know?
And that's another.

805
00:39:48,480 --> 00:39:49,560
Religion saying it's not.
True.

806
00:39:49,560 --> 00:39:52,000
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
exactly.

807
00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:55,200
You know, like I, I, I don't
even know what that mean.

808
00:39:55,400 --> 00:39:58,560
So does truth mean that the
ideals are true?

809
00:39:58,560 --> 00:40:00,400
Does truth mean that the values
are true?

810
00:40:00,400 --> 00:40:03,680
Does truth mean that every, it's
not a history book, so it

811
00:40:03,680 --> 00:40:06,720
doesn't mean that every sentence
literally happened, does it?

812
00:40:06,720 --> 00:40:08,720
I mean, I don't know, you know,
And so trying to figure out, and

813
00:40:08,720 --> 00:40:10,840
then you ask these questions.
And first of all, people

814
00:40:11,280 --> 00:40:14,160
initially immediately get upset
when they hear these questions,

815
00:40:14,200 --> 00:40:15,280
right?
Because what you're doing is

816
00:40:15,280 --> 00:40:18,720
you're questioning the premise
of which they've spent their

817
00:40:18,720 --> 00:40:22,240
entire life or a lot of their
life, you know?

818
00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:25,800
Perceiving as the truth.
And if that's wrong, what else

819
00:40:25,800 --> 00:40:28,760
is wrong, What else isn't true,
or what else are you not right

820
00:40:28,760 --> 00:40:30,360
about?
And it's too threatening to for

821
00:40:30,360 --> 00:40:32,000
a lot of people.
A lot of people don't want to

822
00:40:32,000 --> 00:40:36,440
ask that question dude, rather
just believe and accept it for

823
00:40:36,440 --> 00:40:37,480
what it is.
Yeah.

824
00:40:38,120 --> 00:40:41,560
But I never thought about the
the other side of the IS of the

825
00:40:41,560 --> 00:40:45,880
Israel Gaza conflict in my life
until about a year ago, a year

826
00:40:45,880 --> 00:40:47,840
and a half ago.
I never thought about in my

827
00:40:47,840 --> 00:40:50,960
life, you know, and I spent
years in Israel, you know,

828
00:40:50,960 --> 00:40:53,560
collectively over the course of
my life, you know, and I never

829
00:40:53,560 --> 00:40:54,560
knew there was more than one
side and.

830
00:40:55,160 --> 00:40:58,240
What do you mean by that?
Like outside of like Israeli

831
00:40:58,240 --> 00:40:59,600
side.
Yeah, outside of the Israeli

832
00:40:59,600 --> 00:41:02,000
perspective, like my, I grew up
with the perspective that Arabs

833
00:41:02,000 --> 00:41:04,560
just want to kill Jews and that
no one wants anyone to be there.

834
00:41:04,560 --> 00:41:06,800
And Israel's the only democracy
in the Middle East, which I

835
00:41:06,800 --> 00:41:08,160
guess they are.
But like, that doesn't

836
00:41:08,160 --> 00:41:10,760
necessarily mean that like
everyone's everyone's enemy

837
00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:13,480
necessarily, you know.
And and how about this, you

838
00:41:13,480 --> 00:41:16,000
know, like, I know that Hamas is
bad.

839
00:41:16,360 --> 00:41:21,160
I don't know Palestinians that
are 17 years old and, you know,

840
00:41:21,160 --> 00:41:24,680
were born after Hamas was
elected in one time 20 years

841
00:41:24,680 --> 00:41:27,560
ago, that they're necessarily
bad people.

842
00:41:27,560 --> 00:41:30,320
They deserve to suffer.
And I just say these things to

843
00:41:30,320 --> 00:41:32,640
that to my family.
And I say this to my friends.

844
00:41:32,960 --> 00:41:35,480
They lose their shit.
They lose their shit.

845
00:41:35,520 --> 00:41:38,360
You know, like how tribal can
you, how tribal can you be that

846
00:41:38,360 --> 00:41:42,960
like the notion that someone
might be innocent and that's a

847
00:41:42,960 --> 00:41:45,600
terrible thing, that they're
getting killed is like a bad

848
00:41:45,600 --> 00:41:48,000
thing.
Like how can you even like, and

849
00:41:48,000 --> 00:41:50,640
you know, and, and how can you
even like argue with that, you

850
00:41:50,640 --> 00:41:53,280
know?
And so, yeah, I feel like.

851
00:41:53,680 --> 00:41:57,800
Being in the military is a very
similar what what you're feeling

852
00:41:57,800 --> 00:41:59,880
with that tribalism.
I mean, you're in the military,

853
00:41:59,880 --> 00:42:02,960
you're supporting the USA and
anybody that they're against,

854
00:42:03,000 --> 00:42:06,440
you're also against.
And then you start kind of

855
00:42:06,440 --> 00:42:09,680
questioning like who's being the
bully here?

856
00:42:10,200 --> 00:42:15,760
Or you know, the guy who's in
China or Russia, you know, they

857
00:42:15,760 --> 00:42:18,840
might be just, they might have
been forced in the military and

858
00:42:18,840 --> 00:42:22,320
that person and I, we might have
very similar commonalities and

859
00:42:22,360 --> 00:42:25,880
they have a family as well.
And so it's not just another

860
00:42:25,880 --> 00:42:30,040
face who you're going to take
off the face of this planet.

861
00:42:30,120 --> 00:42:33,840
Like it's like there's if we
weren't at war and I travelled

862
00:42:33,840 --> 00:42:36,600
and we met somewhere and like
that and we spoke the same

863
00:42:36,600 --> 00:42:38,080
language, that's a good chance
we could become.

864
00:42:38,080 --> 00:42:40,800
Friends for sure.
But because my government is

865
00:42:40,800 --> 00:42:45,800
saying like you're bad and like
you're all this and that they,

866
00:42:45,840 --> 00:42:48,800
they try to lead you to believe
that and, and and push that and

867
00:42:48,800 --> 00:42:51,440
then you end up feeling that
same hatred towards that

868
00:42:51,640 --> 00:42:53,560
totally.
I see it in the same day, like,

869
00:42:53,560 --> 00:42:57,240
I mean, there's people who are
who are with this whole Israeli

870
00:42:57,440 --> 00:43:00,440
and Gaza thing, like they're,
they're pushing both sides.

871
00:43:00,440 --> 00:43:04,200
And it's like the media is going
to spin it however they want to

872
00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:05,880
attract whoever they want for
their.

873
00:43:05,880 --> 00:43:08,840
Yeah, sure.
And so it's, it's very tough to

874
00:43:08,840 --> 00:43:12,600
try and decipher and find your
own way in this world.

875
00:43:12,600 --> 00:43:14,840
Yeah.
And I think that going through

876
00:43:14,840 --> 00:43:18,840
my decoupling of my faith led me
to become more of my own self.

877
00:43:18,840 --> 00:43:21,120
Yeah.
Because I was someone who is so

878
00:43:21,120 --> 00:43:25,520
conditioned to kind of just go
through life through the

879
00:43:25,520 --> 00:43:29,240
guardrails and boundaries that
everybody around me has put on.

880
00:43:29,240 --> 00:43:32,240
Like they say, you're the five
people you hang out with, 10

881
00:43:32,240 --> 00:43:33,280
people you hang out with,
whatever.

882
00:43:33,640 --> 00:43:38,240
And I really believe that's true
because you're if you're not

883
00:43:38,240 --> 00:43:42,480
someone who stands firm in your
own values and beliefs and knows

884
00:43:42,480 --> 00:43:45,080
where you want to go, you're
going to fall for anything.

885
00:43:45,280 --> 00:43:46,760
You're going to follow the
crowd.

886
00:43:46,760 --> 00:43:49,760
You're going to do what you feel
like society wants you to do.

887
00:43:50,440 --> 00:43:55,200
And I think I lived so long in
my life like that before I

888
00:43:55,200 --> 00:43:58,760
started realizing like I need
to, I need to know who I am.

889
00:43:58,880 --> 00:44:01,880
And that's why I asked you if
you reflect deeply reflect

890
00:44:01,880 --> 00:44:06,680
because I never did until I
started going through this like

891
00:44:06,680 --> 00:44:10,120
phase.
And now I take a lot of time to

892
00:44:10,120 --> 00:44:14,280
do breathing, to do reflecting,
to try and be more intentional

893
00:44:14,280 --> 00:44:20,640
about life, to try and pick out
those wins and learning lessons.

894
00:44:20,920 --> 00:44:24,120
Yeah, throughout my life.
And there's a lot of, you dig up

895
00:44:24,120 --> 00:44:25,680
a lot of ugly things.
Oh, sure.

896
00:44:26,040 --> 00:44:27,560
It sucks.
It hurts.

897
00:44:27,560 --> 00:44:28,320
It hurts.
It's.

898
00:44:28,320 --> 00:44:31,600
Really, really, really, really
unpleasant.

899
00:44:31,600 --> 00:44:36,280
Especially because you have that
own initial instinct to doubt

900
00:44:36,280 --> 00:44:38,640
it, you know?
Like I know that can't be true

901
00:44:38,640 --> 00:44:39,880
like.
But can't like get.

902
00:44:39,920 --> 00:44:42,040
A tiny, tiny words that I get
like can't it not be true?

903
00:44:42,120 --> 00:44:45,120
And like maybe it is true and
it's like, no, you can't be

904
00:44:45,120 --> 00:44:46,320
right.
Maybe it is right.

905
00:44:46,400 --> 00:44:48,000
Like all of a sudden, like you
don't even know.

906
00:44:48,320 --> 00:44:49,880
Instinct is all state.
Yeah, right.

907
00:44:49,880 --> 00:44:50,920
Sit there and.
It's not fun.

908
00:44:50,920 --> 00:44:52,960
That's why a lot of people don't
do it, because it's hard.

909
00:44:53,040 --> 00:44:54,560
Because it's really, really,
really hard.

910
00:44:55,040 --> 00:44:59,480
Yeah.
Yeah, I, I, I can't, I can't, I

911
00:44:59,480 --> 00:45:02,840
can't encourage writing enough.
Writing helps so much.

912
00:45:02,840 --> 00:45:05,680
Just like steer me, you know,
data if you want.

913
00:45:05,680 --> 00:45:07,640
I don't even look at them.
Like I don't even look back on

914
00:45:07,640 --> 00:45:10,080
them sometimes.
Like I just recently, a couple

915
00:45:10,080 --> 00:45:11,920
months ago, I looked back at
some of the writing I did in

916
00:45:11,920 --> 00:45:15,160
like 2019-2020.
I've been doing it for some

917
00:45:15,160 --> 00:45:17,760
time, yeah.
Yeah, I don't even recognize why

918
00:45:17,760 --> 00:45:19,360
I was.
That's the crazy thing.

919
00:45:19,360 --> 00:45:20,520
Even though I.
Don't even know what.

920
00:45:20,520 --> 00:45:23,440
I can't even get my head to
understand how I was writing,

921
00:45:23,440 --> 00:45:25,120
what I was writing, what I was
going through.

922
00:45:25,360 --> 00:45:28,120
And it's so that's why it's so
important to do that.

923
00:45:28,520 --> 00:45:32,240
And I do you know, have you ever
read Green Lights by Matthew

924
00:45:32,240 --> 00:45:34,080
McConaughey?
No, he wrote.

925
00:45:34,080 --> 00:45:34,960
Matthew McConaughey wrote a
book.

926
00:45:34,960 --> 00:45:37,240
Matthew McConaughey.
Wrote a book and my fiance is

927
00:45:37,240 --> 00:45:39,000
the one who told me to read it.
Is it good?

928
00:45:39,320 --> 00:45:41,800
It's so good.
It's literally just like he

929
00:45:41,800 --> 00:45:43,880
journaled for years and years
and years.

930
00:45:43,920 --> 00:45:47,560
And a lot of those he put in his
book he knows like the photocopy

931
00:45:47,560 --> 00:45:50,280
of his journal and his stories
throughout.

932
00:45:50,280 --> 00:45:53,320
And he's talking about how you
look back and you see those

933
00:45:53,320 --> 00:45:55,120
green lights throughout your
life.

934
00:45:55,120 --> 00:45:59,080
Like you realize where those
green lights were awesome.

935
00:45:59,160 --> 00:46:03,160
And I was talking about this the
other day with a friend, and I

936
00:46:03,760 --> 00:46:06,480
just started journaling.
I started doing the breathing

937
00:46:06,480 --> 00:46:09,600
and meditating, reflecting and
journaling.

938
00:46:10,200 --> 00:46:13,000
And I was realizing that I was
really only journaling on the

939
00:46:13,160 --> 00:46:15,600
bad days, like when I'm like.
That makes sense.

940
00:46:15,640 --> 00:46:18,480
Down and I just want something
to get off my mind.

941
00:46:18,480 --> 00:46:20,440
I go and I journal it how I'm
feeling.

942
00:46:20,440 --> 00:46:22,520
And what's going on?
That's human, by the way.

943
00:46:22,600 --> 00:46:25,560
It is, but that was also
starting to I would journal a

944
00:46:25,560 --> 00:46:29,760
couple days on the good days and
I realized like I normally don't

945
00:46:29,760 --> 00:46:34,440
go back and read them, but if I
did, those encouraging days

946
00:46:34,440 --> 00:46:37,280
really re encouraged me because
I was reading those my own

947
00:46:37,360 --> 00:46:40,240
voice, seeing the hope that was
in me.

948
00:46:40,720 --> 00:46:43,680
It's like it's like if you could
tell your younger self, yes, a

949
00:46:43,680 --> 00:46:46,120
lesson, you can just go back and
like talk to them.

950
00:46:46,200 --> 00:46:49,400
You hear from yourself, whether
it's a week ago or two years

951
00:46:49,400 --> 00:46:54,080
ago, you're like, OK, I did do
what I wanted to do back then.

952
00:46:54,480 --> 00:46:57,800
Like I, you know, I had hope and
like, I things like that.

953
00:46:57,800 --> 00:47:00,800
But if you're only really
writing down the bad days, you

954
00:47:00,840 --> 00:47:04,000
know, it's not always going to
give you that encouragement that

955
00:47:04,000 --> 00:47:07,040
you're looking for, but it
always gives you Peace of Mind.

956
00:47:07,040 --> 00:47:10,440
I think when you're done, just.
Yeah, of course.

957
00:47:10,760 --> 00:47:12,480
Paper.
And it makes you feel better.

958
00:47:12,480 --> 00:47:13,760
You're venting.
You're venting.

959
00:47:13,800 --> 00:47:16,360
And by the way, that's why a lot
of people, it's funny, I don't,

960
00:47:16,360 --> 00:47:20,520
I don't know if it's the case.
I don't know if as many people

961
00:47:20,760 --> 00:47:25,240
would necessarily need therapy
if they had close collection of

962
00:47:25,240 --> 00:47:28,320
friends or an ability to express
what's going on in their head to

963
00:47:28,320 --> 00:47:30,000
themselves and they had those
like skills.

964
00:47:30,960 --> 00:47:34,440
I think that just having like a
couple of close friends that you

965
00:47:34,440 --> 00:47:37,760
could have like a very real and
open and honest conversation

966
00:47:37,760 --> 00:47:42,120
with it or an and, or probably
and not or, and the ability to

967
00:47:42,120 --> 00:47:44,840
like write to yourself, a
journal, express yourself.

968
00:47:44,840 --> 00:47:49,080
A lot of times a therapist is
just a sounding board, like

969
00:47:49,080 --> 00:47:51,040
they're just like, they're just
someone that you could talk to.

970
00:47:51,040 --> 00:47:53,560
And there's no other person on
the planet that you can tell.

971
00:47:53,600 --> 00:47:55,240
You can't tell your mom, you
can't tell your dad, you can't

972
00:47:55,240 --> 00:47:56,600
tell your siblings, you can't
tell your friends.

973
00:47:56,840 --> 00:47:58,840
It's embarrassing.
You don't have anyone to talk

974
00:47:58,840 --> 00:48:01,480
to, so you sit across with
somebody and you just spill.

975
00:48:01,720 --> 00:48:03,240
And you're just releasing that
negative end.

976
00:48:03,240 --> 00:48:04,560
Yeah.
Yeah, you're just releasing it.

977
00:48:04,560 --> 00:48:05,840
And that alone makes you feel
better.

978
00:48:05,960 --> 00:48:08,040
Yeah.
Which is something I never knew.

979
00:48:08,160 --> 00:48:12,560
Yeah.
The military allowed me or

980
00:48:12,800 --> 00:48:15,200
encouraged me to suppress my
emotions.

981
00:48:15,480 --> 00:48:19,640
And so coming out of high school
and we talked about this, I was

982
00:48:19,640 --> 00:48:23,880
like more introvert.
I never learned to express my

983
00:48:23,880 --> 00:48:25,800
emotions.
I never learned to fully express

984
00:48:25,800 --> 00:48:28,760
myself.
And being in the military kind

985
00:48:28,760 --> 00:48:32,680
of sometimes naturally would
allow me to do that.

986
00:48:33,160 --> 00:48:36,120
And so I think it was a big part
of, like, why I felt the way I

987
00:48:36,600 --> 00:48:41,520
was in the recent history.
But it's because I wasn't fully

988
00:48:41,520 --> 00:48:44,320
expressing myself.
And it wasn't until I started

989
00:48:44,680 --> 00:48:48,960
reflecting and journaling that I
realized, like, the things I

990
00:48:48,960 --> 00:48:50,960
enjoy doing aren't.
I haven't pieced them into my

991
00:48:50,960 --> 00:48:52,840
life.
I've been so focused on work.

992
00:48:52,960 --> 00:48:57,000
Yeah, that when things spill out
like over like, and I'm like

993
00:48:57,200 --> 00:48:59,560
argumentative, whatever, it's
really just because I haven't

994
00:48:59,560 --> 00:49:04,160
taken time to like release that,
let it go and, you know, talk to

995
00:49:04,160 --> 00:49:06,760
somebody about it, like.
So I'm so impressed.

996
00:49:06,760 --> 00:49:08,760
It's awesome.
It's such a, it's such a, such a

997
00:49:08,760 --> 00:49:12,640
great place to be and it's such
a hard place to get to.

998
00:49:13,080 --> 00:49:18,560
And once you're like this far
in, once you've, once you've

999
00:49:18,920 --> 00:49:21,400
tasted it, you can't go without
it.

1000
00:49:21,480 --> 00:49:24,040
You know, like once you realize
that like this is like a

1001
00:49:24,120 --> 00:49:27,480
necessary part of being a
healthy person, it's like, it's

1002
00:49:27,480 --> 00:49:29,680
very hard to go back to not
being like that.

1003
00:49:29,680 --> 00:49:31,760
It's very hard to go back to.
It's very, it's like you don't

1004
00:49:31,760 --> 00:49:35,280
feel good being unintentional.
You don't feel good, you know,

1005
00:49:35,280 --> 00:49:37,920
just letting the days pass by
and like not being aware of

1006
00:49:37,920 --> 00:49:40,760
yourself, like right.
Once you know that like it's so

1007
00:49:40,760 --> 00:49:43,120
good for you and so healthy and
like productive.

1008
00:49:43,520 --> 00:49:45,400
You don't want to not be like
that.

1009
00:49:45,400 --> 00:49:49,840
You know, it's like the fact
that you're here, it the odds of

1010
00:49:49,840 --> 00:49:53,840
you going back here are pretty
low, I imagine, as opposed to

1011
00:49:53,840 --> 00:49:57,240
the odds of you going here are
way higher, you know, or like

1012
00:49:57,320 --> 00:49:58,680
you know, like you only building
now.

1013
00:49:58,720 --> 00:50:00,360
It's just a foundation.
Yeah.

1014
00:50:00,360 --> 00:50:02,600
And I think through that
reflecting, it's kind of giving

1015
00:50:02,600 --> 00:50:07,240
me the time and space to decide
on what my path forward is, that

1016
00:50:07,280 --> 00:50:10,760
what it's going to look like,
and it's going to be based off

1017
00:50:10,760 --> 00:50:15,120
of who I am, what I value, no
longer what I feel like society

1018
00:50:15,120 --> 00:50:16,520
wants me as.
So.

1019
00:50:16,560 --> 00:50:17,920
What do you think now?
So what?

1020
00:50:18,040 --> 00:50:21,560
So, So what are some passions
that you think that are popping

1021
00:50:21,560 --> 00:50:24,760
up now in your head?
We'll have to do that on Part 3.

1022
00:50:24,760 --> 00:50:30,600
Yeah, whatever I find out
because I'm, I'm really, I'm

1023
00:50:30,920 --> 00:50:36,680
fully immersed in this phase of
like, OK, my job is what's

1024
00:50:36,680 --> 00:50:39,160
paying the bills and, and
getting me by.

1025
00:50:39,320 --> 00:50:43,000
I like it and it, I'm good at it
and but it doesn't fulfill me.

1026
00:50:43,440 --> 00:50:47,640
And I think too many people are
willing to just allow that to be

1027
00:50:47,640 --> 00:50:50,080
their life.
Like I OK, it pays the bills, it

1028
00:50:50,080 --> 00:50:52,360
doesn't fulfill me.
I'm unhappy and blah, blah.

1029
00:50:52,360 --> 00:50:57,280
But what if in that same time
you had a plan to get out of

1030
00:50:57,280 --> 00:51:01,440
that?
Like what if you could start

1031
00:51:01,440 --> 00:51:04,800
doing something on the side
little by little, like finding

1032
00:51:04,800 --> 00:51:08,280
the hobbies that you'd like so
that your life isn't every day

1033
00:51:08,280 --> 00:51:11,000
you're waking up and it's
unenjoyable or you're just

1034
00:51:11,000 --> 00:51:13,600
getting through.
Because I think that's why, you

1035
00:51:13,600 --> 00:51:15,720
know, most of our days we don't
enjoy.

1036
00:51:15,720 --> 00:51:17,960
We don't want to go to work.
We don't want to do what we want

1037
00:51:17,960 --> 00:51:20,720
to do.
And then we stay in front of our

1038
00:51:20,720 --> 00:51:25,280
phones, TV, entertainment, all
that, all the consumers.

1039
00:51:25,640 --> 00:51:30,200
And then you wake up in 10 years
and you're like, like, I'm 30 or

1040
00:51:30,200 --> 00:51:31,960
I'm 50.
Like what happened?

1041
00:51:31,960 --> 00:51:33,360
Like.
And it's getting faster and

1042
00:51:33,360 --> 00:51:35,800
faster the more we involve
technology.

1043
00:51:36,400 --> 00:51:39,680
And so who knows?
I think a passion of mine is

1044
00:51:39,680 --> 00:51:42,840
just spreading this knowledge.
Like, yeah, it's fun.

1045
00:51:42,920 --> 00:51:46,960
It's so new to me, but it's been
so impactful to me that I want

1046
00:51:46,960 --> 00:51:48,840
more people to know about it.
And I well.

1047
00:51:48,840 --> 00:51:51,200
We'll do as many podcasts as you
want to do it anytime you want.

1048
00:51:51,200 --> 00:51:52,320
Yeah, just keep.
We'll keep on.

1049
00:51:52,360 --> 00:51:54,600
We'll keep on rolling that if
they're fun.

1050
00:51:55,520 --> 00:52:00,280
I'll be honest, one of the
things that has been life

1051
00:52:00,280 --> 00:52:03,360
changing night and day for me
has been Toastmasters.

1052
00:52:03,440 --> 00:52:05,480
Have you ever heard of that?
I've heard the name.

1053
00:52:05,480 --> 00:52:08,080
Actually it's.
Not a breakfast club, I promise,

1054
00:52:08,160 --> 00:52:10,240
but it's it's a speaking club,
OK.

1055
00:52:10,640 --> 00:52:14,440
And it's a big reason why I'm
even willing to do this podcast

1056
00:52:14,440 --> 00:52:16,800
with you because being an
introvert, not being confident

1057
00:52:16,800 --> 00:52:21,600
in my voice, all of that took a
change for the best once I

1058
00:52:21,600 --> 00:52:23,080
joined Toastmasters.
OK.

1059
00:52:23,080 --> 00:52:26,640
And so my experience with
Toastmasters when I was 2019,

1060
00:52:26,680 --> 00:52:31,840
I'm in Korea and there is I'm in
the military and there's a

1061
00:52:31,840 --> 00:52:34,600
newcomers briefing.
So when I first got there, I had

1062
00:52:34,600 --> 00:52:38,640
to sit in this auditorium and
hear from these different

1063
00:52:38,640 --> 00:52:41,920
speakers talking about their
jobs and what how it affects us

1064
00:52:41,920 --> 00:52:43,560
for the one year time we're in
Korea.

1065
00:52:43,840 --> 00:52:45,960
You can't drink off based.
You have to do that.

1066
00:52:45,960 --> 00:52:47,640
You know, there's all these
rules and they want, is that a?

1067
00:52:47,800 --> 00:52:50,400
Role you can't drink off based.
Well, you can't have an open

1068
00:52:50,400 --> 00:52:53,720
container and they tell you like
the the medical team will be

1069
00:52:53,720 --> 00:52:57,640
like 3 drinks per hour this or
that like you like there's like

1070
00:52:57,960 --> 00:53:01,280
they try to tell you how you
should drink to not be like,

1071
00:53:01,800 --> 00:53:03,320
yeah, I gotcha that.
Yeah.

1072
00:53:03,320 --> 00:53:10,120
So the tables later in my time
there, I was now one of the

1073
00:53:10,120 --> 00:53:12,320
people who had to come present
for my job.

1074
00:53:12,640 --> 00:53:15,120
Nice.
And I never public speak like it

1075
00:53:15,120 --> 00:53:18,320
was it was not a thing for me.
So and I was super nervous about

1076
00:53:18,320 --> 00:53:19,640
it.
Like when they was it would come

1077
00:53:19,640 --> 00:53:22,400
up, Hey, who's going to go do
the no comers brief for us this

1078
00:53:22,400 --> 00:53:22,800
way?
Can you?

1079
00:53:23,040 --> 00:53:26,240
Describe the anxiety you felt.
Dude, dude, you feel in your

1080
00:53:26,240 --> 00:53:29,520
chest, you feel in the back.
I feel the bottom of my throat

1081
00:53:29,520 --> 00:53:33,120
sometimes, you know, like.
My hands are sweaty, back is

1082
00:53:33,120 --> 00:53:36,400
sweaty.
I'm like, my heart is you feel

1083
00:53:36,400 --> 00:53:39,360
about the thumping.
God, my heart is thumping and

1084
00:53:39,360 --> 00:53:41,080
I'm just like reciting what I'm
going to say.

1085
00:53:41,080 --> 00:53:45,600
So here's how it went down.
I got told I dodged it too many

1086
00:53:45,600 --> 00:53:48,760
times and now I have to step up
and do the briefing.

1087
00:53:48,760 --> 00:53:53,520
It's me and one other guy and we
have a slideshow for what we

1088
00:53:53,520 --> 00:53:57,880
have to go present on.
And it's probably about 150

1089
00:53:57,880 --> 00:54:01,680
people in this auditorium.
And, and I'm sitting there, I

1090
00:54:01,680 --> 00:54:04,280
know I'm up next.
And so my heart's dropping more,

1091
00:54:04,400 --> 00:54:06,760
more and more kills me.
And I'm running.

1092
00:54:06,800 --> 00:54:09,680
I don't need to know everything
because I have slides, right?

1093
00:54:09,760 --> 00:54:12,760
But I need to be able to
introduce myself, right?

1094
00:54:13,280 --> 00:54:17,440
So I go up there.
I'm Staff Sergeant Lauer, right?

1095
00:54:17,440 --> 00:54:21,160
And the guy beside me, I say,
good morning, everybody, I'm

1096
00:54:21,160 --> 00:54:23,680
Staff Sergeant Lyons.
And this is Staff Sergeant

1097
00:54:23,680 --> 00:54:26,560
Lauer.
And then I mean, I'm Staff

1098
00:54:26,560 --> 00:54:28,480
Sergeant Lauer.
This is Staff Sergeant Lyons.

1099
00:54:28,480 --> 00:54:31,560
Instead of just letting it go
because no one would know, I

1100
00:54:31,680 --> 00:54:36,640
corrected it and I immediately
blacked out turn turn my back to

1101
00:54:36,640 --> 00:54:39,280
the crowd because I realized how
bad I just messed up.

1102
00:54:39,600 --> 00:54:42,800
And I'm like profusely sweating
down my back just reading slides

1103
00:54:43,200 --> 00:54:47,480
and like, dude, I totally.
Harem, I understand where you're

1104
00:54:47,480 --> 00:54:48,560
coming from.
I couldn't.

1105
00:54:48,560 --> 00:54:50,640
Wait to get out of there.
I was so embarrassed.

1106
00:54:50,640 --> 00:54:52,520
Getting your name wrong is the
worst thing.

1107
00:54:52,680 --> 00:54:55,600
It happens, dude.
I had like 3 things to say and I

1108
00:54:55,640 --> 00:54:56,360
swear.
To God.

1109
00:54:56,600 --> 00:54:58,240
I couldn't even get my name
right.

1110
00:54:59,360 --> 00:55:04,360
So I used to so my name, you
know, I'm a frien and I

1111
00:55:04,360 --> 00:55:09,160
sometimes go by Effie and you
know, and so and I'm not at all

1112
00:55:10,000 --> 00:55:12,280
my family.
Hirshman's are notorious for

1113
00:55:12,280 --> 00:55:14,240
folding under pressure.
We're bad pressure people.

1114
00:55:14,760 --> 00:55:15,840
We're great when there's no
pressure.

1115
00:55:15,840 --> 00:55:19,720
We're terrible under pressure.
And I introduced myself to new

1116
00:55:19,720 --> 00:55:22,000
people in high school and I was
going back and forth between a

1117
00:55:22,000 --> 00:55:23,840
fry and Effie.
I'm like, nice to meet you, like

1118
00:55:24,400 --> 00:55:28,280
say anything.
I was like, oh fucking can you

1119
00:55:28,280 --> 00:55:30,080
get my name right?
Dude, I sound like an idiot.

1120
00:55:30,240 --> 00:55:31,640
The.
Same boat then?

1121
00:55:31,920 --> 00:55:33,760
Yeah, dude.
So after that experience, I had

1122
00:55:33,760 --> 00:55:35,480
a buddy come up to me.
He's like, hey man, you want to

1123
00:55:35,480 --> 00:55:38,480
join Toastmasters with me?
I'm like Toastmasters.

1124
00:55:38,480 --> 00:55:40,320
No, I I'm not joining a
breakfast club.

1125
00:55:40,320 --> 00:55:43,720
What is that?
And he's like, it's a public

1126
00:55:43,720 --> 00:55:45,920
speaking crew.
And I said, dude, dude, don't

1127
00:55:45,920 --> 00:55:47,720
ever bring up public speaking to
me again.

1128
00:55:47,720 --> 00:55:49,120
I don't want anything to do with
it.

1129
00:55:49,120 --> 00:55:52,640
I'm never doing it again.
I, I had such a bad experience.

1130
00:55:53,040 --> 00:55:58,560
And this is 2019.
I moved here in 2022.

1131
00:55:58,560 --> 00:56:03,680
And so about a year ago, it felt
like one of those things that

1132
00:56:03,680 --> 00:56:08,040
just like oddly like popped into
my mind was like Toastmasters.

1133
00:56:08,040 --> 00:56:10,000
And I know that it's a global
thing.

1134
00:56:10,000 --> 00:56:13,280
You could find, you could skip a
stone and hit a club around you

1135
00:56:13,280 --> 00:56:16,880
because they're all around and
it's very low, cheap membership.

1136
00:56:17,360 --> 00:56:21,200
And I reached out to two clubs.
One got back to me and I was

1137
00:56:21,200 --> 00:56:24,240
like, this is through a series
of things.

1138
00:56:24,240 --> 00:56:27,440
I was like, this is like a
calling, Like I need to go check

1139
00:56:27,440 --> 00:56:29,840
it out.
I need to set aside my worries

1140
00:56:29,840 --> 00:56:33,520
and go check it out.
And from the first day, they

1141
00:56:33,520 --> 00:56:36,520
made me get up and speak.
And it was just like, how do you

1142
00:56:36,520 --> 00:56:38,200
like the club?
Tell us a little bit about

1143
00:56:38,200 --> 00:56:40,400
yourself.
Like, they were encouraging me.

1144
00:56:40,480 --> 00:56:44,280
And I was like, this is what I
came for, to like, yeah, work

1145
00:56:44,280 --> 00:56:47,600
out this anxiety and this fear
in front of a crowded fear of,

1146
00:56:47,680 --> 00:56:49,600
like, my own.
Skills that you could like,

1147
00:56:50,440 --> 00:56:51,600
Would you?
Would you, Would you?

1148
00:56:51,600 --> 00:56:54,160
What are some tangible skills
that you could pass along, you

1149
00:56:54,160 --> 00:56:57,880
think?
Using your body language speaks

1150
00:56:57,880 --> 00:57:01,840
more than 50% of your message.
Never knew it, never knew it.

1151
00:57:02,080 --> 00:57:05,520
Your tonality.
Emphasizing learning.

1152
00:57:05,680 --> 00:57:08,840
I'm a fast talker naturally
because I feel like no one's

1153
00:57:08,840 --> 00:57:12,080
listening to me.
I'm speaking confident, huge.

1154
00:57:12,200 --> 00:57:14,800
If I'm not confident in my
voice, I don't think anyone else

1155
00:57:14,800 --> 00:57:17,000
is listening or I'm afraid I'm
going to cut off.

1156
00:57:17,000 --> 00:57:20,480
So I speak through everything
quick, learning to take it

1157
00:57:20,480 --> 00:57:25,240
slower, use a little bit of
pause, use my body gestures,

1158
00:57:25,680 --> 00:57:28,920
pacing.
And then also how to frame what

1159
00:57:28,920 --> 00:57:32,520
you're going to say with like a
setup, setting it up, having

1160
00:57:32,520 --> 00:57:35,320
your introduction, your like
meat and potatoes of it and

1161
00:57:35,320 --> 00:57:39,000
having a conclusion.
Every message should have a

1162
00:57:39,000 --> 00:57:40,600
message.
To her, to it you.

1163
00:57:40,920 --> 00:57:42,240
Know it should have a meaning to
it.

1164
00:57:42,680 --> 00:57:45,680
So even for somebody who's
already confident in their voice

1165
00:57:45,680 --> 00:57:48,080
and is like, oh, I can go speak
on a stage, no worries.

1166
00:57:48,080 --> 00:57:50,440
Not to scare at all.
They'll go up and they'll

1167
00:57:50,440 --> 00:57:52,880
Babble, they'll just say a bunch
of things and then there's not

1168
00:57:52,880 --> 00:57:55,240
much context or like much behind
it.

1169
00:57:55,640 --> 00:57:58,840
And I think that even those
people can really benefit going

1170
00:57:58,840 --> 00:58:02,880
through something like this.
So for me, I've just become more

1171
00:58:02,880 --> 00:58:04,920
comfortable.
Like I've become more

1172
00:58:04,920 --> 00:58:07,280
comfortable in my own skin and
find some voice.

1173
00:58:07,560 --> 00:58:11,520
I feel much better and I've
learned so many different

1174
00:58:11,520 --> 00:58:13,760
techniques along the way, and
it's only been a year.

1175
00:58:14,040 --> 00:58:15,520
Yeah.
And I learned, dude, you're

1176
00:58:15,520 --> 00:58:16,720
gonna.
Be dude, you're gonna be great

1177
00:58:16,720 --> 00:58:17,960
at this, man.
Just give it dude.

1178
00:58:17,960 --> 00:58:20,000
I'm excited to see where you're
gonna head with this because

1179
00:58:20,200 --> 00:58:24,280
what you're doing from at least
from the outside looking in, I

1180
00:58:24,280 --> 00:58:26,360
don't know what the inside looks
like right from the outside

1181
00:58:26,360 --> 00:58:30,320
looking in the things that
you're doing for yourself, for

1182
00:58:30,320 --> 00:58:34,560
your development, which is
questioning your premises that

1183
00:58:34,560 --> 00:58:36,880
you were raised on.
I think it's important not even

1184
00:58:36,880 --> 00:58:39,240
to deviate from them, just to
question them, just to be like,

1185
00:58:39,920 --> 00:58:41,440
where did he come from?
How do I know about it?

1186
00:58:41,440 --> 00:58:43,200
And then yeah, exactly.
So for example, right.

1187
00:58:43,200 --> 00:58:47,640
Like I'm, I'm religious and I've
always asked.

1188
00:58:47,640 --> 00:58:49,240
I, I, I, I've actually, it's not
true.

1189
00:58:49,560 --> 00:58:53,800
I've never thought to ask a
question until one of my friends

1190
00:58:53,800 --> 00:58:55,360
asked me like, why do you do
what you do?

1191
00:58:55,520 --> 00:58:57,760
I was in, I was in Israel for
the year, I was taking a year

1192
00:58:57,760 --> 00:59:00,400
between high school and college.
And I had a friend who's like,

1193
00:59:00,520 --> 00:59:05,560
why do you do Judaism?
And I was like, I don't know.

1194
00:59:06,160 --> 00:59:09,240
And I was like, I literally, I
was like, I, I got defensive

1195
00:59:09,240 --> 00:59:11,440
before I even realized the
answer is I don't know.

1196
00:59:11,880 --> 00:59:15,600
And then I was like, because my
parents taught me that it's the

1197
00:59:15,600 --> 00:59:17,440
right thing to do.
And like, it has to be right.

1198
00:59:17,440 --> 00:59:20,520
Like, you know, and he's like,
so because your parents say it's

1199
00:59:20,520 --> 00:59:22,040
right, that makes it right.
Your parents tell you to jump

1200
00:59:22,040 --> 00:59:23,040
off the roof.
It's the right thing to do.

1201
00:59:23,040 --> 00:59:24,720
If your parents tell you to, you
know, do whatever.

1202
00:59:24,720 --> 00:59:28,920
Like, so that's like, oh, shit.
I was like, why do I do what I

1203
00:59:28,920 --> 00:59:29,640
do?
Yeah.

1204
00:59:29,640 --> 00:59:31,600
And that and that.
And that was like the beginning.

1205
00:59:33,440 --> 00:59:38,960
But but I was always looking to
understand I wasn't so there.

1206
00:59:39,080 --> 00:59:41,840
I think there are people that
their instinct is to look for

1207
00:59:41,840 --> 00:59:44,600
reasons to not do things.
And then there's instincts to

1208
00:59:44,600 --> 00:59:46,960
understand why you do what you
do, right?

1209
00:59:47,160 --> 00:59:49,400
And those are two fundamentally
different things, right?

1210
00:59:49,400 --> 00:59:52,880
Like my dad asked me to do
something I don't like, want to

1211
00:59:52,880 --> 00:59:55,080
deal with a controller around
the house, go to the DMV and get

1212
00:59:55,080 --> 00:59:57,960
my car re registered or go take
my car for an inspection, right?

1213
00:59:57,960 --> 01:00:01,920
I don't, I will think of a
breakdown analytically, reasons

1214
01:00:01,920 --> 01:00:03,520
to not go, oh, I don't have
time.

1215
01:00:03,520 --> 01:00:04,840
I got my kids, I got blah, blah,
blah.

1216
01:00:04,840 --> 01:00:08,440
I can't do this now.
I got work to do that.

1217
01:00:08,440 --> 01:00:10,480
Those are reasons to not do
something.

1218
01:00:11,040 --> 01:00:15,600
And then you or you can have my
dad asked me to do this and try

1219
01:00:15,600 --> 01:00:18,840
to understand what he's saying.
He's saying is I'm paying your

1220
01:00:18,840 --> 01:00:20,640
bills.
I'm going to work to put food,

1221
01:00:20,640 --> 01:00:22,760
to put food on the table.
I don't have the time at the

1222
01:00:22,760 --> 01:00:26,440
moment to do this and I've spent
30 years raising you.

1223
01:00:27,320 --> 01:00:29,800
Would you mind taking 20 minutes
of your time to please go ahead

1224
01:00:30,120 --> 01:00:33,240
and and and make my life a
little easier if you don't mind

1225
01:00:33,240 --> 01:00:36,520
after, you know, after all this
like, Oh shit, I'm happy to do

1226
01:00:36,520 --> 01:00:37,280
that.
Right.

1227
01:00:37,280 --> 01:00:39,560
That sounds awesome.
You know, it's a good it's it's

1228
01:00:39,600 --> 01:00:41,920
it's understanding why you're
doing something as opposed to

1229
01:00:41,920 --> 01:00:43,720
look, as opposed to reasons to
avoid them.

1230
01:00:44,200 --> 01:00:46,240
So I think my lot.
So there are times when people

1231
01:00:46,240 --> 01:00:48,920
will say, oh, it started
questioning things and wondering

1232
01:00:48,920 --> 01:00:50,760
things.
A lot of times it's about

1233
01:00:51,080 --> 01:00:54,400
looking to throw off that
responsibility or to like avoid

1234
01:00:54,400 --> 01:00:57,800
that burden.
But the people that like, you'll

1235
01:00:57,800 --> 01:01:01,480
meet a lot of people that will
question things and they seem to

1236
01:01:01,480 --> 01:01:06,560
cut out better and stronger and
more ferociously deep and like

1237
01:01:06,560 --> 01:01:08,760
real and authentic.
And you're like, how did you

1238
01:01:08,760 --> 01:01:10,880
even get there?
And you're like, because I

1239
01:01:11,400 --> 01:01:13,400
questioned everything.
But like I, and I want to

1240
01:01:13,400 --> 01:01:16,440
understand why I do what I do or
how to, how to go about it.

1241
01:01:16,720 --> 01:01:19,160
And some things might change,
but a lot, a lot will probably

1242
01:01:19,160 --> 01:01:22,000
be the same.
You know, I was on fire for

1243
01:01:22,000 --> 01:01:25,040
Christianity.
Like I was going to church, I

1244
01:01:25,040 --> 01:01:27,760
was going to like Christian
businessmen's groups, everything

1245
01:01:27,760 --> 01:01:32,120
I was trying to involve myself
with because I, I know that each

1246
01:01:32,120 --> 01:01:34,960
time I moved from base to base
in the military, I was able to

1247
01:01:34,960 --> 01:01:38,240
select a new group of friends.
I was able to like, I always

1248
01:01:38,240 --> 01:01:40,640
believed who you're around is
like a big influence in your

1249
01:01:40,640 --> 01:01:42,840
life.
And so as I went through

1250
01:01:42,840 --> 01:01:46,520
seasons, I would try and bring
around people that I knew were

1251
01:01:46,520 --> 01:01:50,400
good influences.
And being here, I was on, I was

1252
01:01:50,440 --> 01:01:53,560
all in on my faith and I really
wanted to absorb myself with

1253
01:01:53,560 --> 01:01:56,520
that.
And it was when I started

1254
01:01:56,520 --> 01:02:00,280
questioning that that I was
like, you almost feel guilty for

1255
01:02:00,280 --> 01:02:04,680
questioning and like you're.
Fortunately, just guilt is the

1256
01:02:04,680 --> 01:02:09,320
most common form of guilt in the
history of of the universe.

1257
01:02:09,760 --> 01:02:12,120
Dude, it's tough.
Yeah, Yeah, it's tough.

1258
01:02:12,440 --> 01:02:18,640
How do you grapple with guilt?
I'm learning a lot about just

1259
01:02:18,640 --> 01:02:23,200
like self forgiveness and not
trying to like you can't change

1260
01:02:23,200 --> 01:02:26,120
the past.
I saw something recently that

1261
01:02:26,120 --> 01:02:30,880
was like so simple but so
profound and impactful.

1262
01:02:31,200 --> 01:02:35,240
It was like a little chart that
shows like OK, like yes or no,

1263
01:02:35,240 --> 01:02:39,160
and it goes to the next things.
It's like, is this something you

1264
01:02:39,160 --> 01:02:40,640
can change?
Yes.

1265
01:02:40,720 --> 01:02:43,120
OK, make the change, figure it
out.

1266
01:02:43,200 --> 01:02:44,880
Like do something.
About it, Don't sweat it.

1267
01:02:44,880 --> 01:02:48,400
No, well then don't let it
bother you and bog you down.

1268
01:02:48,440 --> 01:02:52,960
Like it's, it's so simple, but
it's so hard to follow cases

1269
01:02:52,960 --> 01:02:56,480
because we want to just ponder
and let things consume us.

1270
01:02:56,800 --> 01:03:00,160
But in reality, it's like, if
you can't do anything about it,

1271
01:03:00,840 --> 01:03:03,360
what's worth letting it just
ruin your day?

1272
01:03:03,360 --> 01:03:05,640
And like.
I'm pretty good about that.

1273
01:03:05,680 --> 01:03:09,320
It's it took me it took me years
off things that I know that I

1274
01:03:09,320 --> 01:03:11,520
can control even if they bother
me right?

1275
01:03:11,600 --> 01:03:16,520
Like I don't even want to I you
know if.

1276
01:03:16,760 --> 01:03:19,040
There's things how to manage
your emotions too, like it's a

1277
01:03:19,040 --> 01:03:22,120
big part of that I think.
Yeah, well, I think it's what?

1278
01:03:22,160 --> 01:03:25,560
So the example of the metaphor
that I've always heard of is

1279
01:03:25,560 --> 01:03:28,240
that like the forest and the
tree metaphor you've heard that,

1280
01:03:29,200 --> 01:03:31,840
that if you're looking at if
you're looking at a forest, you

1281
01:03:31,840 --> 01:03:33,280
can't focus on the specific
trees.

1282
01:03:33,280 --> 01:03:34,840
You see the beauty of the big
picture.

1283
01:03:35,400 --> 01:03:37,840
But when you're zooming into a
particular tree, you can't see

1284
01:03:37,840 --> 01:03:39,960
the whole, the whole forest,
right?

1285
01:03:39,960 --> 01:03:41,920
And there are points in life
where you have to focus on the

1286
01:03:41,920 --> 01:03:42,840
tree.
And there are points in life,

1287
01:03:42,840 --> 01:03:45,240
you have to focus on the forest.
You know, there are points in

1288
01:03:45,240 --> 01:03:50,120
life where like you're like,
this particular moment sucks,

1289
01:03:50,560 --> 01:03:54,440
but I have a forest of my life
that is amazing, you know, And

1290
01:03:54,440 --> 01:03:59,240
so I'm going to take a step back
and bask in the whole picture or

1291
01:03:59,920 --> 01:04:03,240
this is a particular moment
that's particularly important

1292
01:04:03,240 --> 01:04:06,800
and beautiful.
And I want to zoom in on this

1293
01:04:06,800 --> 01:04:09,080
experience.
You know, like the day I got

1294
01:04:09,080 --> 01:04:12,120
married, everyone says their
weddings are like blackout

1295
01:04:12,120 --> 01:04:14,760
events and not just because of
drinking because, you know, like

1296
01:04:15,760 --> 01:04:17,600
everything happens so
fascinating to Russian, like,

1297
01:04:17,960 --> 01:04:20,560
and I got married relatively
late to compared to the rest of

1298
01:04:20,560 --> 01:04:24,000
my world, my friends, the
Orthodox Jewish world, you know,

1299
01:04:24,600 --> 01:04:25,960
guys.
And then you typically end up

1300
01:04:25,960 --> 01:04:29,680
being married by 22 to 25.
And I got married at 26, right?

1301
01:04:29,680 --> 01:04:31,880
So I was like towards the end,
towards the later peak of my

1302
01:04:31,880 --> 01:04:35,760
friends and I was like, and I
didn't care when I got engaged.

1303
01:04:35,840 --> 01:04:38,000
I was like, I didn't care about
anything.

1304
01:04:38,080 --> 01:04:40,800
I'd get married in my backyard
with a couple of hot dogs and

1305
01:04:40,800 --> 01:04:42,120
hamburgers.
I can get married in the hall.

1306
01:04:42,120 --> 01:04:45,080
I don't care.
I just, you know, like I, I, I,

1307
01:04:45,120 --> 01:04:47,000
I'm excited to spend my life
with my wife.

1308
01:04:47,360 --> 01:04:50,640
And I was like my wedding day.
I just want to be present.

1309
01:04:50,800 --> 01:04:53,400
I just want that to be the tree.
I just want to be able to like

1310
01:04:53,400 --> 01:04:56,480
have this tree where I like look
at my wedding day as it could

1311
01:04:56,480 --> 01:04:59,640
day that I was extra present.
Yeah.

1312
01:04:59,640 --> 01:05:01,880
You want to be able to relive it
in your mind over and over

1313
01:05:01,880 --> 01:05:02,360
again.
Yeah.

1314
01:05:02,360 --> 01:05:04,560
Out of feeling like a just a
like.

1315
01:05:04,560 --> 01:05:05,440
A blackout.
Yeah.

1316
01:05:05,600 --> 01:05:08,560
You know, like a rush, like,
just like a blank rush of like

1317
01:05:08,680 --> 01:05:11,240
everything.
And then and then you have

1318
01:05:11,240 --> 01:05:12,320
moments.
And I actually said this to my

1319
01:05:12,320 --> 01:05:13,280
wife.
I said this to my wife when he

1320
01:05:13,280 --> 01:05:15,600
first got married, too.
I was like, our life is going

1321
01:05:15,640 --> 01:05:16,920
to.
We're going to have like these

1322
01:05:16,920 --> 01:05:18,920
moments that are not fun or
pleasant.

1323
01:05:18,960 --> 01:05:21,560
Like we're going to fight.
We're going to have like hard

1324
01:05:21,960 --> 01:05:26,760
weeks, months or even years over
the next until, until one of us

1325
01:05:26,760 --> 01:05:28,960
were dead, right?
Or God forbid, something else,

1326
01:05:28,960 --> 01:05:32,120
you know?
But as I get to remember that

1327
01:05:32,120 --> 01:05:36,840
these are only like sentences in
a paragraph in a chapter in a

1328
01:05:36,880 --> 01:05:38,760
book.
That's our relationship.

1329
01:05:38,800 --> 01:05:40,440
Serious of.
Yeah, exactly.

1330
01:05:40,440 --> 01:05:41,920
That's that.
That's our life.

1331
01:05:41,920 --> 01:05:44,000
That's our relationship.
And I was like, so and I was

1332
01:05:44,000 --> 01:05:47,320
like, and and so we have to and
and you know, we bicker, you

1333
01:05:47,320 --> 01:05:50,600
know, but like we don't get into
like these huge fights where we

1334
01:05:50,600 --> 01:05:53,880
don't talk for days on edge or
anything like that because both

1335
01:05:53,880 --> 01:05:59,560
of us like more good about
saying this is a sentence in a

1336
01:05:59,560 --> 01:06:01,640
paragraph in a chapter, you
know, then like.

1337
01:06:03,280 --> 01:06:05,160
Everything.
Will fall into its place and

1338
01:06:05,160 --> 01:06:06,840
we'll work it out and we'll make
it happen.

1339
01:06:06,840 --> 01:06:08,800
But like, and right now, it's
not easy.

1340
01:06:08,800 --> 01:06:12,680
Right now, this sentence is a
particularly unpleasant sentence

1341
01:06:12,680 --> 01:06:14,640
to speak or swallow or deal
with.

1342
01:06:15,040 --> 01:06:18,040
But at the end of the day, it's
part of the story.

1343
01:06:18,040 --> 01:06:20,520
And like, the overall story is
amazing, you know?

1344
01:06:20,520 --> 01:06:23,840
And so that was really awesome.
Yeah, At the end of the day, I'd

1345
01:06:23,840 --> 01:06:30,280
say that intentionality in your
relationship is very important

1346
01:06:30,520 --> 01:06:35,240
because it's important to be the
relationship together.

1347
01:06:35,240 --> 01:06:38,560
And also your individuals, like
you guys have hobbies and

1348
01:06:38,560 --> 01:06:41,440
interests.
And I think as you grow through

1349
01:06:41,440 --> 01:06:44,000
life, you go through different
seasons, you have different

1350
01:06:44,080 --> 01:06:48,600
interests, which if you're not
intentional, then those

1351
01:06:48,600 --> 01:06:50,440
interests will help, will make
you grow apart.

1352
01:06:50,440 --> 01:06:52,200
And that's why we have such a
high divorce rate.

1353
01:06:52,320 --> 01:06:55,120
But if you're intentional to
realize like, hey, like you

1354
01:06:55,120 --> 01:06:57,640
change in this way, I change in
this way, but we have grounded

1355
01:06:57,640 --> 01:07:00,920
values and things like, that's
why values are so wow.

1356
01:07:01,360 --> 01:07:02,920
They so happy to say that to
you.

1357
01:07:03,280 --> 01:07:06,040
Because people change.
I'm not the same person I was in

1358
01:07:06,040 --> 01:07:07,680
the beginning of my relationship
with my fiance.

1359
01:07:07,680 --> 01:07:09,120
She's not the same person she
was.

1360
01:07:09,120 --> 01:07:12,680
But I still love her and I love
watching her grow.

1361
01:07:13,200 --> 01:07:17,720
And you have to, you have to
love the person that you met and

1362
01:07:17,720 --> 01:07:19,920
the, and the person that you
know they're becoming.

1363
01:07:20,560 --> 01:07:22,760
And so that's why I think it's
important because you know that

1364
01:07:22,760 --> 01:07:24,480
people are going to change.
They all do.

1365
01:07:24,680 --> 01:07:28,200
But it's it's having that
communication and that

1366
01:07:28,200 --> 01:07:31,920
intentionality that helps you
kind of change together and, and

1367
01:07:31,920 --> 01:07:39,800
ride the wave of life together.
And I think also having the same

1368
01:07:39,800 --> 01:07:44,360
shared sense of goals because
like, for example, if your goal

1369
01:07:44,520 --> 01:07:46,200
let's, you know, different
people, different goals, some

1370
01:07:46,200 --> 01:07:49,720
people do outreach, some people
are goals to raise a happy

1371
01:07:49,720 --> 01:07:53,680
family, you know, raise kids and
like when their marriage is hard

1372
01:07:54,120 --> 01:07:57,560
and their relationship is not
great and whatever, we're going

1373
01:07:57,560 --> 01:08:00,600
through a rough patch, What's
going to keep you under the same

1374
01:08:00,600 --> 01:08:01,560
roof?
What's going to keep you guys

1375
01:08:01,560 --> 01:08:03,000
together?
It's going to be your shared

1376
01:08:03,000 --> 01:08:03,880
goal.
So you're going to be like,

1377
01:08:04,080 --> 01:08:06,120
listen, at the moment it's hard
with you.

1378
01:08:06,120 --> 01:08:09,920
It's hard, you know, but but you
and I both are invested

1379
01:08:10,360 --> 01:08:14,160
enormously in the same thing.
So like, what do we do to make

1380
01:08:14,160 --> 01:08:16,640
this work because both of us
want the same outcome.

1381
01:08:16,760 --> 01:08:21,359
Like I, I think that you have to
have, I think that having a

1382
01:08:21,359 --> 01:08:24,640
mutual goal keeps people honest.
Like in business, right?

1383
01:08:24,640 --> 01:08:26,720
If you have a business and the,
and the mutual goal is for both

1384
01:08:26,720 --> 01:08:28,800
of you guys to support your
families, then both of you guys

1385
01:08:28,800 --> 01:08:30,120
are going to hustle the same
amount.

1386
01:08:30,160 --> 01:08:33,359
You know, if one guy has three
kids or five kids and one kid is

1387
01:08:33,439 --> 01:08:36,640
is single and has a dog, the
amount that one guy's going to

1388
01:08:36,640 --> 01:08:39,399
work is very different than the
other guy's going to work.

1389
01:08:39,399 --> 01:08:42,359
And resent, resentfulness is
probably going to build up at

1390
01:08:42,359 --> 01:08:44,880
its own point.
And like, you know, but like if

1391
01:08:44,880 --> 01:08:49,880
they both have the same kind of
listen, our goal is to reach X

1392
01:08:49,880 --> 01:08:51,640
amount, you know, to reach
people, to make the world a

1393
01:08:51,640 --> 01:08:53,920
better fit place, then it
doesn't make a difference how

1394
01:08:53,920 --> 01:08:56,040
much money you have or not.
Like you feel like you're

1395
01:08:56,040 --> 01:08:58,000
accomplishing your particular
goal that you're trying to

1396
01:08:58,000 --> 01:08:59,680
accomplish.
And if your goal with your

1397
01:08:59,680 --> 01:09:03,479
spouse is to raise families to
make the world better, is to

1398
01:09:03,479 --> 01:09:06,680
both, you know, travel, you
know, whatever it is, you know,

1399
01:09:06,680 --> 01:09:10,600
like there has to be something
above just like how I feel about

1400
01:09:10,600 --> 01:09:12,600
you right now.
Right, right.

1401
01:09:12,720 --> 01:09:15,600
That's why I think too many
people, the divorce rate is high

1402
01:09:15,600 --> 01:09:17,720
because we have too many.
People, it's like 60%, yeah.

1403
01:09:18,240 --> 01:09:20,720
It's crazy.
It's probably up to 60% now.

1404
01:09:21,720 --> 01:09:23,880
Too many people, they just,
they're not willing to have

1405
01:09:23,880 --> 01:09:27,160
those hard conversations.
They're willing to base solely

1406
01:09:27,160 --> 01:09:30,720
off the feeling in the moment.
Or relationships are good or

1407
01:09:30,720 --> 01:09:32,399
they die, or you stop.
Investing in it.

1408
01:09:32,600 --> 01:09:34,760
You stop investing in it.
I think that's a huge thing

1409
01:09:34,760 --> 01:09:38,640
that's hard.
And I'm somebody who's very like

1410
01:09:39,399 --> 01:09:42,439
self discovery, self
improvement, always like looking

1411
01:09:42,439 --> 01:09:45,359
on ways I can change myself and
sometimes I think maybe I bring

1412
01:09:45,359 --> 01:09:48,279
that too much into my
relationship on like ways that

1413
01:09:48,279 --> 01:09:54,240
we could do better.
But it is important to reflect

1414
01:09:54,240 --> 01:09:57,520
and say, hey, like just to check
in, like, hey, how, how are we

1415
01:09:57,520 --> 01:09:59,600
doing?
Like how, what could I do

1416
01:09:59,600 --> 01:10:02,200
better?
Because maybe I'm doing

1417
01:10:02,200 --> 01:10:04,040
something else.
I'm minding my own business, do

1418
01:10:04,080 --> 01:10:06,200
whatever.
And maybe I'm not picking up on

1419
01:10:06,200 --> 01:10:08,600
that like you're unhappy or in
that in your own way or

1420
01:10:08,600 --> 01:10:10,680
whatever.
And so it's good to to have

1421
01:10:10,680 --> 01:10:11,000
those.
Fun.

1422
01:10:11,000 --> 01:10:11,920
Those checks are checking.
Yeah.

1423
01:10:11,920 --> 01:10:15,560
And they, they call it.
My wife describes it as as

1424
01:10:15,560 --> 01:10:18,760
dating through marriage, but
like you're continuing to date.

1425
01:10:18,760 --> 01:10:20,920
Like when you're dating someone
and you're on your third date or

1426
01:10:20,920 --> 01:10:23,880
fifth day or 10th day, you're
like, you know, you're like, So

1427
01:10:23,880 --> 01:10:25,280
what do you think?
You know, how do you feel about

1428
01:10:25,280 --> 01:10:27,880
this or how you feeling today?
You know, like you stop asking

1429
01:10:27,880 --> 01:10:29,680
those questions eventually, you
know, and you're like, you

1430
01:10:29,680 --> 01:10:32,000
shouldn't like you have to like
you have to put effort into

1431
01:10:32,000 --> 01:10:34,160
continue to do that.
But it's not natural, you know?

1432
01:10:34,440 --> 01:10:36,400
I know because you get so
comfortable.

1433
01:10:36,560 --> 01:10:37,960
Yes.
And you take it for granted and

1434
01:10:37,960 --> 01:10:41,680
it's complacent and it's.
Yeah, yeah.

1435
01:10:41,680 --> 01:10:44,000
And also you start to take, I
think the other thing is when

1436
01:10:44,000 --> 01:10:46,920
you take a relationship for
granted, you invest more in the

1437
01:10:46,920 --> 01:10:49,400
relationships that aren't for
granted, Right.

1438
01:10:49,400 --> 01:10:52,480
So like, why do we treat
siblings so much worse than we

1439
01:10:52,480 --> 01:10:55,520
treat our friends Friends, Yeah.
Or why do we treat our, you

1440
01:10:55,520 --> 01:10:58,480
know, our our teachers better
than we treat it with more

1441
01:10:58,480 --> 01:11:00,800
respect in our parents?
You know, it's because these are

1442
01:11:00,800 --> 01:11:04,480
relationships that like, you
know that if you don't invest in

1443
01:11:04,480 --> 01:11:07,520
it, it'll fall apart with a
parent or with a sibling or with

1444
01:11:07,720 --> 01:11:09,520
a spouse that you married for 30
years.

1445
01:11:10,160 --> 01:11:11,240
You know, they're not going
anywhere.

1446
01:11:11,560 --> 01:11:12,520
You know that nothing's
happening.

1447
01:11:12,520 --> 01:11:14,200
You guys are all blood.
You guys are all family, You

1448
01:11:14,200 --> 01:11:16,240
guys are all whatever.
So like, OK, you know, like I

1449
01:11:16,240 --> 01:11:17,800
went, I, I have some amount of
effort.

1450
01:11:17,800 --> 01:11:19,960
I want to invest that effort in
a relationship that I'm not sure

1451
01:11:19,960 --> 01:11:22,400
will pan out.
But you can lose those

1452
01:11:22,400 --> 01:11:23,840
relations.
You can lose those you know,

1453
01:11:23,840 --> 01:11:25,840
relationship with your siblings,
with your parents, or with your

1454
01:11:25,840 --> 01:11:27,320
spouse.
God forbid you know and like you

1455
01:11:27,320 --> 01:11:30,800
don't want.
That place in for sure, yeah.

1456
01:11:31,960 --> 01:11:33,880
I totally did not imagine this
conversation was going to go

1457
01:11:33,880 --> 01:11:35,480
this way, but I love it.
This is fun.

1458
01:11:35,520 --> 01:11:37,160
We've had a variety of topics
now.

1459
01:11:38,160 --> 01:11:40,800
Last time was so much about my
career.

1460
01:11:40,800 --> 01:11:46,040
This was really in depth on just
like life, because I think this

1461
01:11:46,040 --> 01:11:51,880
is one of those things I was
talking about that I was just, I

1462
01:11:51,880 --> 01:11:54,400
wasn't having this connection
with a lot of people.

1463
01:11:54,400 --> 01:11:57,280
So I appreciate just being here
and and being able to.

1464
01:11:57,280 --> 01:11:58,640
Like that's the point of this
man.

1465
01:11:58,640 --> 01:12:00,840
That's the point of this
podcast. 1 of this podcast is

1466
01:12:00,960 --> 01:12:05,040
for like legit, legitimate, real
thoughts and conversation and to

1467
01:12:05,040 --> 01:12:06,680
encourage people to have them
themselves.

1468
01:12:06,680 --> 01:12:10,040
Like that's like the goal.
The goal is to like it'll like.

1469
01:12:10,160 --> 01:12:12,960
So it started actually, I had a
friend of mine, David Izzo is

1470
01:12:12,960 --> 01:12:19,240
his name and I spent the gap
year with him and we were

1471
01:12:19,240 --> 01:12:22,120
friends kind of lost touch, kind
of got back in touch every now

1472
01:12:22,120 --> 01:12:24,120
and then.
The beginning of COVID in 2019,

1473
01:12:24,120 --> 01:12:26,800
I was living in Seattle and he
actually, I went to ask you

1474
01:12:26,800 --> 01:12:30,880
about California after, but and
he and he texted and I saw that

1475
01:12:30,880 --> 01:12:34,520
he posted that he started a
podcast called Don't worry about

1476
01:12:34,520 --> 01:12:35,520
it.
And it was a mental health

1477
01:12:35,520 --> 01:12:38,000
podcast.
And he started with like

1478
01:12:38,000 --> 01:12:40,560
everyone does with a group of
his friends that he started

1479
01:12:40,560 --> 01:12:43,280
recording episodes with.
And I knew all these guys and I

1480
01:12:43,280 --> 01:12:47,080
did not know any of the stuff
they were talking about, You

1481
01:12:47,080 --> 01:12:48,880
know, they were talking about
their insecurities, they're

1482
01:12:48,880 --> 01:12:50,600
talking about their anxieties,
they're talking about, you know,

1483
01:12:50,640 --> 01:12:53,080
the challenges they're having
with, you know, and I mean, I've

1484
01:12:53,120 --> 01:12:56,000
been with these guys throughout
these phase in their lives and I

1485
01:12:56,000 --> 01:12:57,600
didn't even know that they're
going through this.

1486
01:12:57,640 --> 01:12:59,840
I just thought they were these
like 1 dimensional, you know,

1487
01:12:59,840 --> 01:13:02,920
whatever, you know, douchebags
see whatever it was, you know,

1488
01:13:02,920 --> 01:13:06,720
and, and I was like, whoa,
there's so much more to so many

1489
01:13:06,720 --> 01:13:09,640
people and I had no idea.
But it also gives you permission

1490
01:13:09,960 --> 01:13:15,160
to acknowledge that, like, life
is hard and like, it's OK that

1491
01:13:15,160 --> 01:13:17,400
life is hard and like, it's hard
to make your way through.

1492
01:13:17,400 --> 01:13:19,840
And like, the more that you know
that other people are going

1493
01:13:19,840 --> 01:13:24,080
through that as well, the more
you you could forgive yourself.

1494
01:13:24,200 --> 01:13:26,400
You forgive for.
Understanding that it's hard.

1495
01:13:26,440 --> 01:13:31,200
To say, OK, I'm not the only one
in a shit show and then maybe I

1496
01:13:31,200 --> 01:13:34,520
can't dig my way out or at least
keep working day by day because

1497
01:13:34,520 --> 01:13:36,680
I'm not the only one.
Definitely.

1498
01:13:36,720 --> 01:13:39,600
I think there's a lot of men
especially who are just not

1499
01:13:39,600 --> 01:13:41,360
willing to open up and be
vulnerable.

1500
01:13:41,680 --> 01:13:44,760
Me being one of them.
For many years, it was like a

1501
01:13:44,920 --> 01:13:49,120
badge of honor to suppress my
emotions because I thought it

1502
01:13:49,120 --> 01:13:52,680
would make me better at my job
if I had to get to that point of

1503
01:13:52,680 --> 01:13:54,960
like some like, you know, being
in war.

1504
01:13:54,960 --> 01:14:01,160
And like, I knew that if I the
less emotion I had, the easier

1505
01:14:01,160 --> 01:14:03,600
would be for me to get through
because they say, you know, to

1506
01:14:03,600 --> 01:14:07,840
get you don't learn to get
through hard shit without going

1507
01:14:07,840 --> 01:14:12,360
through hard shit.
And so I was all in on let's get

1508
01:14:12,360 --> 01:14:15,280
through the hard shit that's put
hard shit in our life so I can

1509
01:14:15,280 --> 01:14:17,600
just be this invincible person.
So when I got out of the

1510
01:14:17,600 --> 01:14:19,840
military, I thought I was
bulletproof.

1511
01:14:20,360 --> 01:14:21,880
I thought there's no like
nothing.

1512
01:14:21,920 --> 01:14:23,080
You think a lot of vets are like
that?

1513
01:14:25,440 --> 01:14:28,600
I think, like I said, I think
every vet will go through this

1514
01:14:28,600 --> 01:14:31,840
silent battle with themselves.
And I think it depends on the

1515
01:14:31,840 --> 01:14:34,920
level of like identity you took
in the military.

1516
01:14:34,960 --> 01:14:39,960
Like for me it was everything
and it gave me so much and I had

1517
01:14:39,960 --> 01:14:44,240
so much pride in it.
And so trying to build a life

1518
01:14:44,240 --> 01:14:48,560
without having that as part of
it became difficult.

1519
01:14:48,560 --> 01:14:53,720
Like if I don't see myself as
the same as it like a realtor,

1520
01:14:53,720 --> 01:14:56,200
for example, a lot of these
people are chasing Commission

1521
01:14:56,200 --> 01:14:57,720
checks.
They're they're, they're

1522
01:14:57,720 --> 01:14:59,560
materialistic, they're money
hungry.

1523
01:14:59,560 --> 01:15:03,240
They're all about selling people
and buying nice things.

1524
01:15:03,240 --> 01:15:05,600
And that's none of me.
I don't want that life.

1525
01:15:05,600 --> 01:15:09,920
I, I was for my first year, 2
years, I was just burning off of

1526
01:15:09,920 --> 01:15:12,480
motivation and, and I'm willing
to hustle.

1527
01:15:12,480 --> 01:15:14,360
I'm doing this for my family.
I'm doing this for growth.

1528
01:15:14,360 --> 01:15:16,560
Like I can get through anything
and hurdle.

1529
01:15:17,280 --> 01:15:20,000
And then you're like, I'm
unfulfilled.

1530
01:15:20,160 --> 01:15:23,800
And this is like, I think
veterans and and a lot of people

1531
01:15:23,800 --> 01:15:25,200
who bottle things up.
Yeah.

1532
01:15:26,280 --> 01:15:28,520
Your biggest war is from within.
Yeah.

1533
01:15:28,720 --> 01:15:30,360
You're, you're gonna tear
yourself.

1534
01:15:30,440 --> 01:15:31,720
Do you do?
You have to listen to

1535
01:15:31,720 --> 01:15:32,960
Springsteen, man.
Do you ever listen to

1536
01:15:32,960 --> 01:15:35,800
Springsteen?
I like what songs?

1537
01:15:37,000 --> 01:15:38,560
So.
My problem is that you can put

1538
01:15:38,560 --> 01:15:41,640
it on and OK maybe I know that
song but I'm terrible with

1539
01:15:41,640 --> 01:15:46,240
knowing lyrics and names.
OK, so the so so I want I'll

1540
01:15:46,240 --> 01:15:50,880
send you Springsteen has an
album called Darkness on the

1541
01:15:50,880 --> 01:15:53,720
Edge of Town and it was the
next.

1542
01:15:53,720 --> 01:15:58,120
So he basically he had two
albums that were not very

1543
01:15:58,120 --> 01:16:00,640
successful, even though he's a
great musician.

1544
01:16:00,880 --> 01:16:02,600
Then he had Born to Run, which
everyone knows.

1545
01:16:02,800 --> 01:16:04,560
Born to Run was like an American
like.

1546
01:16:04,560 --> 01:16:07,240
Album awesome song.
I I definitely know maybe.

1547
01:16:07,240 --> 01:16:12,040
We were born to run, and there's
also born in the USA.

1548
01:16:12,040 --> 01:16:14,120
That's the other one.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1549
01:16:14,720 --> 01:16:16,200
Yeah, I know.
That one, and that was actually

1550
01:16:16,200 --> 01:16:19,680
about the Vietnam War, about the
about how crappy the Vietnam War

1551
01:16:19,680 --> 01:16:22,760
was.
But so but so.

1552
01:16:23,680 --> 01:16:27,640
And his experience was his
writing experience and his and

1553
01:16:27,640 --> 01:16:30,840
his music was primarily based on
the community he grew up in,

1554
01:16:30,840 --> 01:16:35,000
which was a very blue collar,
poor, downtrodden part of

1555
01:16:35,240 --> 01:16:39,440
Central Jersey.
And Darkness of the Edge of Town

1556
01:16:39,440 --> 01:16:44,240
is an album with the lyrics and
the music are people going

1557
01:16:44,240 --> 01:16:49,480
through the heartbreak of like
day-to-day life where their

1558
01:16:49,480 --> 01:16:53,040
dreams are just evaporating in
front of their eyes and just

1559
01:16:53,040 --> 01:16:55,680
floating off into the air and
they just have no hope left and

1560
01:16:55,680 --> 01:16:58,400
it's just gone.
And a combination of that and

1561
01:16:58,400 --> 01:17:01,240
songs of like, I don't give a
shit how hard today is, I'm

1562
01:17:01,240 --> 01:17:02,520
going to make it happen, you
know?

1563
01:17:02,520 --> 01:17:04,760
And like the ups and downs that
people experience.

1564
01:17:04,760 --> 01:17:06,520
The album's a combination of the
two of them.

1565
01:17:06,520 --> 01:17:07,960
You.
Know listening to it on my way

1566
01:17:07,960 --> 01:17:14,480
home it is so.
Deep and so powerful and I.

1567
01:17:14,520 --> 01:17:17,120
Love that and I love the deep
conversations like what you and

1568
01:17:17,120 --> 01:17:21,000
Chris are talking about, like so
many things that I'm not good at

1569
01:17:21,920 --> 01:17:25,880
the Subsurf, like the surface
level conversations, the small

1570
01:17:25,880 --> 01:17:29,800
talk, I'm better at it, but I
love these deep conversations

1571
01:17:29,800 --> 01:17:33,600
where like you truly learn
something or feel a different

1572
01:17:33,600 --> 01:17:34,960
way.
Most people like it.

1573
01:17:35,440 --> 01:17:37,000
I can't imagine.
I can't imagine people don't

1574
01:17:37,000 --> 01:17:38,080
like.
I think people don't know how to

1575
01:17:38,080 --> 01:17:39,640
get there.
I think people don't know how to

1576
01:17:39,640 --> 01:17:42,400
get there or they're not willing
to like bring up those, Congress

1577
01:17:42,480 --> 01:17:43,960
those.
Those yeah, it also because it's

1578
01:17:43,960 --> 01:17:48,120
hard and also in order to be
deep, you got to do work and

1579
01:17:48,120 --> 01:17:51,320
doing the work is hard.
It's also hard, I think to, or

1580
01:17:51,320 --> 01:17:53,960
at least this is what I'm going
through now where I'm like

1581
01:17:53,960 --> 01:17:56,440
trying to figure out like the
way to approach it.

1582
01:17:56,440 --> 01:18:00,800
Because now that I feel like
what we were talking about, like

1583
01:18:02,080 --> 01:18:05,120
with the meditation and these
types of things that can kind of

1584
01:18:05,120 --> 01:18:07,560
re ground people and give them
new perspective.

1585
01:18:07,800 --> 01:18:10,480
Yeah, it's a lot of people don't
want it Like they're, they're

1586
01:18:10,480 --> 01:18:12,640
not open to doing that kind of
work.

1587
01:18:12,640 --> 01:18:14,880
They're afraid of it, dude, I'm
too, I'm too.

1588
01:18:14,880 --> 01:18:17,080
I the reason I didn't do a
breath work class yet is because

1589
01:18:17,080 --> 01:18:19,400
I'm afraid.
I, I don't know what I'm about

1590
01:18:19,400 --> 01:18:22,640
to experience, you know, like I
know when I smoke a jade.

1591
01:18:22,640 --> 01:18:27,000
What about the experience?
I know, I know when I'm having a

1592
01:18:27,480 --> 01:18:29,560
doing a podcast like this and
having a deep conversation, I

1593
01:18:29,560 --> 01:18:30,880
know what I'm getting myself
into.

1594
01:18:30,920 --> 01:18:32,000
You know, like I've done this
before.

1595
01:18:32,080 --> 01:18:33,240
It's familiar.
It's okay.

1596
01:18:33,640 --> 01:18:35,760
A lot of people, if they haven't
done it before.

1597
01:18:35,920 --> 01:18:39,080
That's the excitement of life is
doing the things you've never

1598
01:18:39,120 --> 01:18:41,240
done before, but.
You got to teach people that

1599
01:18:41,240 --> 01:18:42,840
too.
You got to teach we have to

1600
01:18:42,840 --> 01:18:46,040
learn how to be Americans where
America is.

1601
01:18:46,040 --> 01:18:50,160
The premise of it is risk.
America is risk takers.

1602
01:18:50,160 --> 01:18:53,320
It's people that are just like
willing to go out there and

1603
01:18:53,320 --> 01:18:54,920
because.
We're born on the we're land of

1604
01:18:54,920 --> 01:18:58,080
immigrants who took risk to down
here, Yeah, generations took

1605
01:18:58,080 --> 01:19:00,240
risk to be here, to make
something and.

1606
01:19:01,560 --> 01:19:05,600
Expansion is fucking crazy.
In our blood food.

1607
01:19:06,040 --> 01:19:09,560
But that's why that's what like
upsets me is to see so many

1608
01:19:09,560 --> 01:19:11,640
people living day-to-day yes
now.

1609
01:19:11,680 --> 01:19:13,120
American Spirit.
I feel like it's being

1610
01:19:13,120 --> 01:19:14,720
suffocated.
It's being suffocated.

1611
01:19:14,720 --> 01:19:17,160
There's a blanket.
There's a blanket of what I

1612
01:19:17,160 --> 01:19:21,040
think personally is technology.
As I was saying this with Chris

1613
01:19:21,040 --> 01:19:24,440
also yesterday, I feel like
we've created these little

1614
01:19:24,440 --> 01:19:26,960
bubbles around ourselves,
especially when we're in public.

1615
01:19:27,440 --> 01:19:30,320
Like these tiny little bubbles
have like a couple of feet that

1616
01:19:30,320 --> 01:19:33,760
people just, it's not socially
acceptable to, like, invade that

1617
01:19:33,760 --> 01:19:34,480
bubble.
Yeah.

1618
01:19:34,480 --> 01:19:37,240
You can't say hot, it can't be
with sound, it can't be with

1619
01:19:37,240 --> 01:19:39,680
looks, it can't be with jet.
Someone can be sending next to

1620
01:19:39,680 --> 01:19:42,360
you for half an hour and you
will not make eye contacts one

1621
01:19:42,360 --> 01:19:44,280
time in the supermarket or the
DMV, right?

1622
01:19:44,400 --> 01:19:47,360
You won't say what's up, how you
doing how's your day going?

1623
01:19:47,360 --> 01:19:49,320
What are you doing here?
You know what are you shopping

1624
01:19:49,320 --> 01:19:51,040
for in?
Florida is even worse you.

1625
01:19:51,440 --> 01:19:51,800
Think so?
Oh.

1626
01:19:52,360 --> 01:19:55,520
Yeah, dude, you go to my fiance
and I will travel to like

1627
01:19:55,520 --> 01:19:58,640
somewhere where it's like West
or like more country and yeah,

1628
01:19:58,840 --> 01:20:00,440
and.
Oh country.

1629
01:20:00,480 --> 01:20:03,000
Country, yeah.
Like they're, they say hi, how

1630
01:20:03,000 --> 01:20:04,640
are you?
And like when I moved to

1631
01:20:04,640 --> 01:20:07,800
Florida, I was trying to be
intentional about being more

1632
01:20:07,800 --> 01:20:10,920
social, more outgoing.
So when I would go out on a run,

1633
01:20:11,240 --> 01:20:13,960
I would wave.
I do that too.

1634
01:20:15,200 --> 01:20:18,360
I was like, do people think I'm
going to kill them like I would

1635
01:20:18,400 --> 01:20:22,120
and they would like look down to
the side and I'm like, whoa.

1636
01:20:22,920 --> 01:20:25,720
I'm like I I wish I would have
just looked off to this.

1637
01:20:25,720 --> 01:20:27,320
We're.
Afraid of We're afraid of other

1638
01:20:27,320 --> 01:20:29,400
people.
Yeah, we're really afraid of

1639
01:20:29,400 --> 01:20:31,520
other people.
It really it, it actually

1640
01:20:31,520 --> 01:20:33,600
stresses me out now because
like, and I go out of my way

1641
01:20:33,600 --> 01:20:37,760
now, like, man, I was by 7 right
by the Hard Rock.

1642
01:20:37,760 --> 01:20:39,280
I was.
I was going to West Hollywood.

1643
01:20:39,280 --> 01:20:42,760
So I was I was going to make.
I was, I was I was going down 7

1644
01:20:43,120 --> 01:20:45,960
and by that big intersection
before you cross to the Hard

1645
01:20:45,960 --> 01:20:48,680
Rock Cafe.
And I was like, not in Cafe to

1646
01:20:48,680 --> 01:20:52,720
the parking lot.
And there's a woman there that

1647
01:20:52,720 --> 01:20:55,240
was, you know, a homeless woman
that was holding up a sign.

1648
01:20:55,240 --> 01:20:58,040
Need help.
And it was it was a nice day.

1649
01:20:58,040 --> 01:20:59,800
It was a couple of months ago.
My windows were rolled down.

1650
01:20:59,800 --> 01:21:02,640
I didn't want to roll up my
windows and like be obnoxious,

1651
01:21:02,640 --> 01:21:03,720
right?
And like treat like, you know,

1652
01:21:03,760 --> 01:21:05,600
act like she was like an animal
or something like that.

1653
01:21:05,960 --> 01:21:10,200
And so, you know, she she was
asking for help and I like, I

1654
01:21:10,200 --> 01:21:11,800
was gonna ignore her.
So I smiled at her and I was

1655
01:21:11,800 --> 01:21:13,600
like, I'm sorry.
I don't have any cash or

1656
01:21:13,600 --> 01:21:15,000
anything.
Yeah, you know, I'd love to I'm

1657
01:21:15,000 --> 01:21:16,840
sorry.
And she was like, that's

1658
01:21:16,840 --> 01:21:18,000
alright.
And then she kept on going and

1659
01:21:18,000 --> 01:21:20,080
then she came back like right
before the light change.

1660
01:21:20,080 --> 01:21:22,800
She's like, I just want to say
the fact that you like smiled at

1661
01:21:22,800 --> 01:21:27,120
me and said like sorry and like
good luck means everything to

1662
01:21:27,120 --> 01:21:29,240
me.
Like I don't get that ever

1663
01:21:29,600 --> 01:21:31,080
right.
And like she and she said it to

1664
01:21:31,080 --> 01:21:32,720
me.
I'm like, that's crazy.

1665
01:21:32,760 --> 01:21:34,720
You know I used.
To try and carry around little

1666
01:21:34,720 --> 01:21:36,320
waters for those.
Yeah.

1667
01:21:36,600 --> 01:21:39,280
Dude, hey, like I don't, I
don't, I don't always give out

1668
01:21:39,280 --> 01:21:40,760
money, but like if I can give
you a.

1669
01:21:40,800 --> 01:21:44,040
Yeah, what about or something?
Like that one guy where I used

1670
01:21:44,040 --> 01:21:47,800
to live would be at the light,
and the light took forever, and

1671
01:21:47,800 --> 01:21:51,080
he'd come up and I think I gave
him money one time so that I

1672
01:21:51,080 --> 01:21:54,440
could have a conversation with
him and just, like, talk to him.

1673
01:21:54,480 --> 01:21:55,560
Yeah.
What's going on?

1674
01:21:56,400 --> 01:21:58,800
And we like became like friendly
in that way.

1675
01:21:59,120 --> 01:22:00,920
I would see him and just be
like, hey, man, like what's

1676
01:22:00,920 --> 01:22:01,920
going on?
How you doing?

1677
01:22:01,920 --> 01:22:05,360
He's like out here living life
like the one time I'm walking

1678
01:22:05,360 --> 01:22:09,200
home and I saw him get some
money.

1679
01:22:09,200 --> 01:22:11,160
Like I'm walking from a
restaurant down the street.

1680
01:22:11,160 --> 01:22:12,800
I'm coming this way and I saw
him out.

1681
01:22:12,960 --> 01:22:15,240
He's got some money.
He goes off the side, puts a

1682
01:22:15,240 --> 01:22:18,600
sign down, falls out a crack
pipe smokes it.

1683
01:22:18,600 --> 01:22:20,880
No way.
And as he's as he's looking

1684
01:22:20,880 --> 01:22:22,880
over, as he's blowing up the
smoke, he sees me.

1685
01:22:22,880 --> 01:22:27,200
I wave over to him like, hey,
what are you out here trying to

1686
01:22:27,200 --> 01:22:31,240
get it, man?
And I'm like, well, you know, I.

1687
01:22:32,880 --> 01:22:35,560
Was just like friend sent me a
meeting yesterday.

1688
01:22:35,640 --> 01:22:40,600
He was you know I gave, I gave
to me was I gave 5 dollars $5 to

1689
01:22:40,600 --> 01:22:43,520
a homeless to a homeless guy.
Yesterday a stranger started

1690
01:22:43,520 --> 01:22:46,040
lecturing me he's going to buy
alcohol and drugs in it.

1691
01:22:46,040 --> 01:22:54,120
I'm like, what do you think I'm
going to be there?

1692
01:22:54,120 --> 01:22:57,600
Yeah, it's going to J man.
Yeah, at least he needs it more

1693
01:22:57,600 --> 01:23:00,960
than.
So funny, dude, that's so funny.

1694
01:23:01,760 --> 01:23:03,600
Northern California.
Where were you there?

1695
01:23:04,480 --> 01:23:07,760
I was in where it's called
Fairfield by Vacaville.

1696
01:23:07,760 --> 01:23:13,680
It's about 30 minutes east of
San Francisco.

1697
01:23:13,840 --> 01:23:15,920
Gotcha.
Yeah, so like, you could fly

1698
01:23:15,920 --> 01:23:17,360
into San Francisco.
Spot before you.

1699
01:23:17,360 --> 01:23:20,360
Fly into oof.
I don't know, like you're saying

1700
01:23:20,360 --> 01:23:21,760
the highway.
Yeah, Yeah, I don't know the

1701
01:23:21,760 --> 01:23:23,160
highways.
I'm telling you, I couldn't tell

1702
01:23:23,160 --> 01:23:25,560
you the highways here besides 95
and.

1703
01:23:25,680 --> 01:23:27,800
Yeah, the Thruway, there's only
two highways.

1704
01:23:27,840 --> 01:23:32,920
Yeah, I drove, I so I drove from
Seattle to San Francisco, OK in

1705
01:23:32,960 --> 01:23:34,760
a.
So probably, probably that

1706
01:23:34,800 --> 01:23:36,120
probably.
The merge you're talking about.

1707
01:23:36,120 --> 01:23:38,360
Yeah, no.
So there's inland, there's

1708
01:23:38,400 --> 01:23:42,440
inland, which is like basically
there's, there's two, there's

1709
01:23:42,440 --> 01:23:46,480
two highways going down into it.
From the bottom and the right, I

1710
01:23:46,480 --> 01:23:48,960
think, to San Francisco to San
Francisco, right.

1711
01:23:49,120 --> 01:23:50,760
And if it went N, but there's
two there.

1712
01:23:50,840 --> 01:23:53,800
So Hwy. 5 is inland.
Hwy. 1 is by the water just like

1713
01:23:53,800 --> 01:23:56,600
it is here.
And like like there's one in one

1714
01:23:56,600 --> 01:23:59,040
at east and West Coast or
one-on-one.

1715
01:23:59,760 --> 01:24:03,600
So I was driving from Seattle,
so I took 2 two hours.

1716
01:24:03,640 --> 01:24:05,120
I took four hours total out of
my way.

1717
01:24:05,360 --> 01:24:08,960
I drove 2 hours to 1, like West
to the to the Pacific, to the

1718
01:24:08,960 --> 01:24:11,880
Pacific Ocean.
And then I drove down and then I

1719
01:24:11,880 --> 01:24:13,720
had to actually go to San
Francisco.

1720
01:24:13,720 --> 01:24:16,760
I.
Didn't spend a lot of time in

1721
01:24:16,760 --> 01:24:18,560
San Francisco.
Actually, it was.

1722
01:24:18,640 --> 01:24:22,080
It was COVID.
Man, everything was shut down.

1723
01:24:22,080 --> 01:24:23,840
Everything.
Yeah, my fiance was visiting.

1724
01:24:23,920 --> 01:24:25,200
I was ever doing COCA too,
actually.

1725
01:24:25,480 --> 01:24:26,160
Really.
Yeah.

1726
01:24:26,200 --> 01:24:30,960
That's when I came to visit.
Dude, I went to that park by the

1727
01:24:30,960 --> 01:24:32,680
that overlooks the bridge.
You know what I'm talking about

1728
01:24:32,680 --> 01:24:35,120
there.
It's a big running spot.

1729
01:24:35,120 --> 01:24:37,480
That was me and my fiance over
taking pictures.

1730
01:24:37,480 --> 01:24:38,160
Oh, no way.
That's to.

1731
01:24:39,120 --> 01:24:44,080
Me, dude, it's so funny there.
We such because she was in her

1732
01:24:44,080 --> 01:24:47,080
master's degree and it was COVID
and all the school went online,

1733
01:24:47,080 --> 01:24:48,600
so she spent a month out with
me.

1734
01:24:50,080 --> 01:24:52,920
It was amazing, but it was quite
an experience while we were

1735
01:24:52,920 --> 01:24:56,600
there.
My I had only been there for

1736
01:24:56,600 --> 01:25:00,120
like a week and I had just came
from Korea, so we had spent nine

1737
01:25:00,120 --> 01:25:03,240
months apart from each other.
So when I got to Cali, she had

1738
01:25:03,240 --> 01:25:07,800
flown out to to be with me.
Yeah, while we were there there

1739
01:25:07,800 --> 01:25:11,320
was wildfires.
So we're both new to the area.

1740
01:25:11,320 --> 01:25:12,760
I.
Actually know exactly what

1741
01:25:12,760 --> 01:25:14,920
you're talking about because
those wildfires that summer,

1742
01:25:14,920 --> 01:25:16,440
that was the summer of 2020, I
think, right?

1743
01:25:16,640 --> 01:25:19,120
Yes, yeah, those, those
wildfires went all the way up to

1744
01:25:19,120 --> 01:25:22,600
Seattle and they were literally,
I mean, you could see Mount

1745
01:25:22,600 --> 01:25:26,960
Rainier from my from my house
and you could not see 20 feet.

1746
01:25:26,960 --> 01:25:29,840
It was crazy I was out of your
house like it before.

1747
01:25:29,840 --> 01:25:33,080
I have pictures that look like
from the Redmi Instagram filter.

1748
01:25:34,360 --> 01:25:36,320
From that whole area, the whole.
Somebody like flipped a

1749
01:25:36,320 --> 01:25:38,960
cigarette off the highway and it
lit on fire.

1750
01:25:38,960 --> 01:25:41,360
Is that what it?
Was I believe so, or at least

1751
01:25:41,360 --> 01:25:43,200
that's what the fire before it
was.

1752
01:25:43,200 --> 01:25:46,080
But that's a big, it's just like
a random like brush fire that

1753
01:25:46,080 --> 01:25:49,320
only happening.
So we had only been there a

1754
01:25:49,320 --> 01:25:52,480
couple days and now the whole
base is getting evacuated

1755
01:25:52,480 --> 01:25:55,040
because they're like, it's about
to blow across.

1756
01:25:55,080 --> 01:25:58,920
They already flew out all the
planes like, wow, FEMA is like

1757
01:25:58,920 --> 01:26:00,240
coming in.
They're like, you have to leave

1758
01:26:00,240 --> 01:26:02,240
the base like, and nobody can
stay here unless you're

1759
01:26:02,240 --> 01:26:05,320
emergency personnel.
We had hung out a little bit.

1760
01:26:05,640 --> 01:26:09,840
Traffic was really bad getting
off and we ended up going, you

1761
01:26:09,840 --> 01:26:11,800
know how they have hurricane
parties here?

1762
01:26:12,160 --> 01:26:14,440
We were having like a wildfire
party.

1763
01:26:14,760 --> 01:26:17,560
Like we're drinking on base.
We're like, I'm going to die.

1764
01:26:17,600 --> 01:26:19,480
Well, my fiance did not like
that.

1765
01:26:19,480 --> 01:26:21,000
So she said let's get out of
here.

1766
01:26:21,320 --> 01:26:23,880
We've waited long enough.
So we'd like to went up at a

1767
01:26:23,880 --> 01:26:28,320
friend's house, but you would
turn on your AC in your car.

1768
01:26:28,480 --> 01:26:30,600
Yeah.
And smoke was like tell you not

1769
01:26:30,600 --> 01:26:32,680
to turn on your AC because it
looked like it's snowing

1770
01:26:32,680 --> 01:26:34,400
outside.
It was actually just the ash,

1771
01:26:34,760 --> 01:26:36,680
like landing on your car.
Just ash.

1772
01:26:36,680 --> 01:26:40,680
I'm like, this is insane.
The sky is bright orange.

1773
01:26:41,320 --> 01:26:44,160
You can't see far too hazy.
Everything but dude it.

1774
01:26:44,160 --> 01:26:46,520
Travels thousands of miles.
It travels.

1775
01:26:46,560 --> 01:26:49,520
It travels all the way through
Oregon up to up through

1776
01:26:49,520 --> 01:26:51,520
Washington.
I mean, it's crazy.

1777
01:26:51,680 --> 01:26:54,000
It's it's they can't, they can't
contain it fast enough.

1778
01:26:54,000 --> 01:26:56,640
Yeah, it was a wild experience
for sure.

1779
01:26:56,720 --> 01:26:59,360
It shows how futile things are a
lot, a lot of times for people,

1780
01:26:59,560 --> 01:27:01,720
yeah, you know, really crazy.
So.

1781
01:27:01,840 --> 01:27:04,480
So when it was.
COVID, we went to San Francisco,

1782
01:27:04,480 --> 01:27:05,800
right?
And you know the pier.

1783
01:27:05,920 --> 01:27:07,360
Yeah, sure, the fisherman's
dwarf.

1784
01:27:07,880 --> 01:27:08,880
Yeah, I think so.
Yeah.

1785
01:27:08,880 --> 01:27:10,960
I don't remember the number of
it, but like the sea lions are

1786
01:27:10,960 --> 01:27:12,960
there.
You can see Alcatraz, Yeah, from

1787
01:27:12,960 --> 01:27:14,320
there.
So we were disappointed because

1788
01:27:14,320 --> 01:27:16,480
we wanted to see Alcatraz and it
was all closed down.

1789
01:27:16,960 --> 01:27:19,400
We did see the sea lions, but
literally that pier was.

1790
01:27:19,560 --> 01:27:21,640
Dead.
There was like nobody out there.

1791
01:27:21,640 --> 01:27:24,560
All the shops are closed down.
So that was our only day in San

1792
01:27:24,560 --> 01:27:25,800
Francisco.
We went by the bridge.

1793
01:27:25,800 --> 01:27:27,360
We took pictures at that park.
Yeah.

1794
01:27:27,880 --> 01:27:31,160
What's what's funny is it's like
you crossed over the bridge to

1795
01:27:31,160 --> 01:27:34,360
San Francisco.
It's like 1015�� colder.

1796
01:27:34,360 --> 01:27:36,080
It's yeah.
Isn't that crazy how they have?

1797
01:27:36,120 --> 01:27:38,800
It's like insanely, it's like we
were prepared for this.

1798
01:27:38,800 --> 01:27:41,520
It was hot, dude.
It's so funny that you say that.

1799
01:27:41,520 --> 01:27:43,240
So have you ever heard of Crater
Lake?

1800
01:27:43,240 --> 01:27:46,720
Do you know what that is?
So Crater Lake was a volcano

1801
01:27:46,720 --> 01:27:50,400
that thousands of years ago
erupted and it's since been

1802
01:27:50,400 --> 01:27:53,880
inactive and it's filled up
since with, with rainwater.

1803
01:27:53,880 --> 01:27:56,760
So it's the world's like deepest
lake technically, because it's

1804
01:27:56,760 --> 01:28:00,280
the, it's a lake, the lake the,
the, the, the depth of a

1805
01:28:00,280 --> 01:28:03,040
volcano, right?
And it's in Oregon.

1806
01:28:03,040 --> 01:28:05,320
It's just north, just north of
California.

1807
01:28:05,720 --> 01:28:10,200
And while we're driving, it was
probably 105�� in the California

1808
01:28:10,200 --> 01:28:13,440
desert going to Oregon.
And we start and we start

1809
01:28:13,440 --> 01:28:17,320
heading up to Crater Lake within
1520 minutes of snow on the

1810
01:28:17,320 --> 01:28:21,080
ground.
And I'm like, what is this dude?

1811
01:28:21,360 --> 01:28:23,080
Yeah, dude.
I'm in love with the West Coast.

1812
01:28:23,160 --> 01:28:25,880
I love the West Coast.
And like I.

1813
01:28:26,320 --> 01:28:27,960
I wish I would have done more
while I was out there.

1814
01:28:27,960 --> 01:28:30,480
It was one of my biggest regrets
being in the military, not

1815
01:28:30,480 --> 01:28:32,960
exploring, you know, the areas.
Go with your fiance.

1816
01:28:32,960 --> 01:28:35,200
You know what you should do?
Go for a trip if you can.

1817
01:28:35,200 --> 01:28:37,600
I don't know how you and when
you can make it.

1818
01:28:37,600 --> 01:28:40,480
Dude.
Yeah, take a trip and take your

1819
01:28:40,480 --> 01:28:43,360
time from Seattle down to San
Francisco.

1820
01:28:43,360 --> 01:28:46,920
But there's all these little
like beach towns along the along

1821
01:28:46,920 --> 01:28:48,840
the Pacific, along the Pacific
Coast.

1822
01:28:49,280 --> 01:28:52,320
And there's the coolest places
to stop.

1823
01:28:52,360 --> 01:28:54,920
And they're so nice and the
people are incredible.

1824
01:28:55,160 --> 01:28:57,560
And the landscape and this
terrain is always changing.

1825
01:28:57,560 --> 01:29:00,600
There's black beaches, there's
forest, there's there's regular

1826
01:29:00,600 --> 01:29:02,160
beaches.
The Pacific's pretty cold.

1827
01:29:02,160 --> 01:29:03,560
That happens to be.
It's not like a swimming kind of

1828
01:29:03,560 --> 01:29:04,920
thing, but.
Running the water while I was

1829
01:29:04,920 --> 01:29:05,520
there.
Yeah, it's.

1830
01:29:06,120 --> 01:29:07,640
Yeah, it's not.
I know it's cold.

1831
01:29:07,640 --> 01:29:11,080
Yeah, it's not fun.
Yeah, but yeah, dude, I, I

1832
01:29:11,080 --> 01:29:17,680
can't, I can't recommend the
West Coast highly enough for

1833
01:29:17,680 --> 01:29:22,600
like nature and like incredible
travel and like, just like you

1834
01:29:22,600 --> 01:29:25,760
have to spend any money just
like rent a car and just like to

1835
01:29:25,760 --> 01:29:27,480
drive up and down, you know,
like it's.

1836
01:29:27,480 --> 01:29:29,520
Incredible.
It's one of my favorite places

1837
01:29:29,520 --> 01:29:31,680
to run.
Was where I lived in California.

1838
01:29:31,680 --> 01:29:34,800
Because it was just like an open
land, like one.

1839
01:29:34,920 --> 01:29:37,440
It was a road that just like
nobody really went back.

1840
01:29:37,440 --> 01:29:39,760
It was like farm fields on both
sides.

1841
01:29:39,760 --> 01:29:42,480
And there's just so much more of
that because there's more land.

1842
01:29:42,760 --> 01:29:44,760
I never ran, like I ever ran on
the West Coast.

1843
01:29:45,200 --> 01:29:49,320
Yeah, I did run against Seattle,
dude, I'd run, I'd run 5-6 miles

1844
01:29:49,320 --> 01:29:52,960
a day, seven days a week.
I just like, I loved it.

1845
01:29:52,960 --> 01:29:56,560
Like it was just like, like you
said, the scenery and the nature

1846
01:29:56,560 --> 01:29:58,920
and yeah, I do.
West Coast life is good.

1847
01:29:59,240 --> 01:30:02,840
Do you still run that much?
No, now I now I run.

1848
01:30:03,000 --> 01:30:04,000
Sorry, run.
I run.

1849
01:30:04,120 --> 01:30:08,000
I do I I I run every day.
I don't do jujitsu and I only

1850
01:30:08,000 --> 01:30:10,560
run 4 miles now.
I'm not looking.

1851
01:30:10,560 --> 01:30:12,240
Cleaner.
Have you done like a marathon?

1852
01:30:12,320 --> 01:30:15,720
No, I'm not.
Looking to I looked I I I jog

1853
01:30:15,720 --> 01:30:20,120
because it's challenging for me
so like I like that mental like

1854
01:30:20,120 --> 01:30:22,760
challenge and just to be healthy
like there's.

1855
01:30:22,880 --> 01:30:25,600
There's nothing like a rhyme to
clear your mind.

1856
01:30:25,600 --> 01:30:27,800
Yeah, dude, you.
Like it's crazy.

1857
01:30:27,800 --> 01:30:32,280
Just working out in general,
like going to the weight room,

1858
01:30:32,280 --> 01:30:34,040
going to jujitsu, things like
that, That's all.

1859
01:30:34,040 --> 01:30:36,400
It's all good and fun, but
there's just something different

1860
01:30:36,400 --> 01:30:37,640
about actually going out for a
run.

1861
01:30:37,640 --> 01:30:39,520
You don't even have to.
But it's meditative.

1862
01:30:39,760 --> 01:30:41,480
It's meditative, yeah.
That's, that's really what it

1863
01:30:41,480 --> 01:30:43,280
is.
It's just you alone in your

1864
01:30:43,280 --> 01:30:45,920
thoughts and you're like able to
push through and.

1865
01:30:46,280 --> 01:30:49,320
And it took me years to to start
running like I've actually I, I,

1866
01:30:49,600 --> 01:30:50,680
I.
Realize walk.

1867
01:30:50,720 --> 01:30:53,120
Even just going off a walk by
yourself, you get the same

1868
01:30:53,120 --> 01:30:56,280
meditative feeling, Yeah.
Yeah, I started jogging.

1869
01:30:56,480 --> 01:31:01,680
I, I didn't realize it even, but
like about 10 years ago and when

1870
01:31:01,680 --> 01:31:05,160
I started, I would go 2 1/2
minutes on the treadmill and

1871
01:31:05,160 --> 01:31:06,960
then I'd walk.
Then I'd go another 2 1/2

1872
01:31:06,960 --> 01:31:09,960
minutes and I'd walk again.
And like, I had, no, I had no

1873
01:31:09,960 --> 01:31:11,960
stamina.
I know a lot of people that are

1874
01:31:11,960 --> 01:31:15,320
very discouraged by like, you
know, they can't just start.

1875
01:31:16,080 --> 01:31:18,640
That's The thing is like people,
too many people think that they

1876
01:31:18,640 --> 01:31:21,560
need to hit the ground running
and be able to do 5 miles

1877
01:31:21,560 --> 01:31:25,440
whatever.
Like if you start and you have

1878
01:31:25,440 --> 01:31:28,800
to walk and then the next day
you walk a little bit further.

1879
01:31:28,800 --> 01:31:31,800
We talked about this last time.
Or if that was bite sized winds.

1880
01:31:32,400 --> 01:31:36,320
Don't, don't compare yourself to
everybody else or where you want

1881
01:31:36,320 --> 01:31:37,600
to be.
You got to start somewhere.

1882
01:31:37,600 --> 01:31:38,800
Compare yourself to anywhere
yesterday.

1883
01:31:39,000 --> 01:31:40,920
Yeah, exactly.
If that's a short walk and then

1884
01:31:40,920 --> 01:31:43,760
tomorrow you do a shorter or or
a little bit longer to walk,

1885
01:31:43,760 --> 01:31:45,280
eventually you're going to get
to a job, especially you're

1886
01:31:45,280 --> 01:31:47,120
going to get to a run.
Yeah, but you have to start

1887
01:31:47,120 --> 01:31:48,640
somewhere.
And.

1888
01:31:48,680 --> 01:31:51,760
People are afraid to take that
that risk or start.

1889
01:31:52,240 --> 01:31:56,040
Life is just, life is just about
who's willing to go longer

1890
01:31:56,680 --> 01:31:58,440
before quitting than everyone
else.

1891
01:31:58,440 --> 01:31:59,640
Yeah, that's it.
And.

1892
01:31:59,720 --> 01:32:00,920
Everything.
It's just who's the.

1893
01:32:01,000 --> 01:32:02,880
Yeah, who's who's the last guy
to quit?

1894
01:32:03,120 --> 01:32:04,520
You know, who's the last guy to
call it out?

1895
01:32:04,520 --> 01:32:05,640
We talked about that last time,
too.

1896
01:32:06,000 --> 01:32:09,440
Yeah, but that was that was,
that was great.

1897
01:32:09,680 --> 01:32:13,560
Dude, I'm gonna let you go
because you got to make your but

1898
01:32:13,880 --> 01:32:16,560
I know you're having a great
time, so we'll get you some

1899
01:32:16,560 --> 01:32:18,800
we'll get some water in you and
we'll we'll get you running.

1900
01:32:18,800 --> 01:32:19,960
Dude.
Thanks so much for coming, man.

1901
01:32:19,960 --> 01:32:22,520
I really appreciate it and this
is always there's always a ton

1902
01:32:22,520 --> 01:32:23,320
of fun.
Thank you of.

1903
01:32:23,600 --> 01:32:24,520
Course.
Catch you soon.

1904
01:32:24,520 --> 01:32:24,680
Awesome.